Healing Doesn’t Respond to Logic: Part II

Podcast Intro and Part Two Overview 0:00

As you get to these root experiences, you start to reparent yourself. You get start do this rewiring where, whether it's higher self mom or dad, comes to re-parent after you fully felt the experience of what it was like to watch mom do things all the time for people, but never do for herself. and to kind of feel hollow and tired and disconnected. What was that like to witness mom in that way? And what did you actually need from mom? Welcome to the TBD Fit podcast on Dr. Talks. I'm your host, Daniel Keeley, and I will be guiding you through this wellness journey in terms of optimizing health and longevity, where we unpack the science, the do's, and everything in between.

Come join us. Look forward to seeing you inside. Welcome back to another episode of the TBD Fit podcast, where we explore the deeper layers, healing, transformation, and what it truly means to live well from the inside out. I'm your host, Dr. Daniel Akili. And I am a functional medicine practitioner. Today, we're diving deep into part two of a conversation that resonated deeply with so many of you. We're bringing back Dr. Amanda Curry to finish what we started. So a few weeks ago, we welcomed Amanda Currie, a trauma-informed doctor of physical therapy, certified oncology specialist, training camp for the soul, master facilitator, and somatic healer who brings an incredibly compassionate lens to emotional and nervous system healing.

The response to that episode was overwhelming. Many of you wrote in saying it was the first time you felt seen the first time you understood your patterns of whether you're broken or not and where things are regulated or often enough dysregulated. We always say you can only heal the speed of a nervous system and we will continue to unpack that. In part two, we're going to go deeper into shame, identity, generational patterns, partnership dynamics, somatic embodiment and what healing actually looks like after the initial awareness begins.

So part one, open the door and now we are walking through it. Amanda, welcome back. Hi, hi, it's great to be back. Awesome. So perhaps let's start with just a recap for perhaps a general synopsis of part one and then we will go into the next round. Yeah. I'm so glad that everything landed for you guys in the way that it did for round one. And I think that what made the initial You know, intro of all this so potent or I imagine it to be is that as we went through stages one and two of the five stages of healing, that being awareness and acceptance, we started to get into the root.

And what I think was really powerful is the day-to-day legit things that were happening in your own life or, you know different questions that you had.

Root Experiences and Reparenting Basics 2:37

So hopefully it created this sense of like taking a somewhat abstract concept and putting it into a real life situation. And I imagine that's why people are being able to, you know, tease in like their own experience and also see the parallels of things that they experience from day to day. And so if you are needing a reminder, stage one is awareness. It is what we talked about as like the surface level. This is who I am. These are the beliefs that I have. these are programs that are running. and then beyond that going to acceptance of not just this is Who I Am, but being really able hold with presence the emotional, energetic, somatic charge of what it's like to be that person or what's it like hold that limiting belief and really start to have more capacity to feel with sensations and emotions so that you can get to the root of why am I actually this way or not even why, but the when did this first occur or the modeling that I took on from mom or dad around whatever the situation is at hand.

So that basically speeds us up to present day in diving back into the route. Yes. So let's segue there. I had just thought of you a few days prior, I was shoveling the snow and my daughter came out to help, which was incredible, very thoughtful. And she had mentioned something specifically, Which I'm trying to recall in the form of I am not good at doing something. Yeah, right. Just automatically assuming because she had failed upon upon first attempt and then identified that I am bad. Right. And immediately, you know, I asked, why, Why do you think that?

She's like, well, because I, You know I'm not, good. Okay, what does it mean to be good? So we just go kind of begin to unpack that, and that inviting her to say, or to think at least, Well, maybe you're not good because you've never done it before, but everyone is usually maybe when they've done before. And instead of creating this identity about not really about, not being good or this self-limiting belief, or rather the openness to say, okay, I might not be good. Let's figure out a way how I can be.

Good or be open enough to, to accept that that you are not going to start and that's okay. That's part for the course. I think going back to this notion of shame or guilt or in her case, you know, being not as a child. And then how that carries over into maybe you are reluctant to try new things or to make new connections because you kind of have one way that you're wired. So anyways, let's, I guess, segue into the art. Yeah. I mean, again, love the context and I think that this shows that whether you subscribe to this work or deeper healing or consciousness, there are opportunities all around.

I mean, you literally just gave one very easily and most of us could. And I think that that is a great example of highlighting an overall awareness because this happens for ourselves, but it happens to us even as children, just as it did with your daughter. Understanding that there is an awareness that's always there, and then there's an opportunity to be an acceptance of that. And again, for your daughter, it may be feeling into, tell me more of what that felt like to not be good at something. I think you did a really good job of differentiating that I am bad versus I'm bad at.

Something is really important for children because in silence and space, they will create their own story. Like I'll just stay on this for just a moment. that specific example is exactly a root experience that when I can't do something well and I am treated a certain way because I cannot do anything well, then that creates this loop of a pattern of thinking and belief that then literally rolls down the road, the trail, and the journey with us until we are these 30, 40, 50, 60 and beyond people operating from this, I'm not going to be good at that and if I don't get at it, I'll be left alone or people will kind of ignore me or there'll separation or distance.

And so you just addressing it just even as simple as I don't feel like I'm good at something is, and for a lot of parents, doing more good than what we give ourselves credit for. So hats off to you for one. Two, I think that the biggest thing that we can acknowledge as parents is not just preparing our kids for the opposite being true of like, oh, yeah, no, you're good at that, or it's just new, of really inviting them and ourselves into what does it feel like to be not good something? What comes up for you when you were not at good that thing?

And so she may say, well, it was kind of sad, I was nervous, maybe disappointed. The mood meter is a really great tool for both adults and children. And you get to really, really granular with that. And for our kids, these are the root experiences. But for us as adults, we get to go back to these root experience of how was it to want to share something with a parent and then be like,

Helping Children Feel Safe With Failure 7:56

no, you're fine. It's just new. You're good. Keep going. Or how it was to just be ignored in you struggling with something. And so that's where we're getting to the route of really opening it up and unpacking the ability for you to fully feel, not re-experience necessarily, but fully allow yourself to be seen in what you were feeling, in the sadness, and the fear, the confusion, whatever it is. And a lot of people, they want to stick to the details of the story without feeling safe enough to dive into seeing what I saw, feeling what felt, hearing what heard, and allowing that circle of learning to open back up and to that energetic charge flow through you.

That really is what it is to somatically get through the root, at least in this method. I see we're going to need a part three already. Let's go. You know, I can't help it. We can help. Number one, and I want to unpack a couple of those. One first and foremost is I love alliteration. So your mood meter, I'll remember for the rest of my life. Well, it's not mine. It's from the book Permission to Feel. I forget the guy's name, but he's a Yale scientist and he created the moodmeter. Kind of like an emotional wheel, because there's quadrants.

There's low pleasure, high pleasure. Low energy, High energy. That's really good to stratify where you're at instead of this I call it the spinning wheel of death where it's just there's so many emotions there that this helps to like create a little bit of structure and order which my rigid self loves. So I want to take the feeling safe one step further but before I do that I provided a very brief anecdote. Growing up I had to be the straight-A student, I have to the best at my sport. I've had one where failure was not an option.

It's like this kind of true migrant story that like If you weren't good enough, you got the whip literally sometimes. So I recognized later on that was setting me up for failure only in the sense of I saw failure as shame and guilt and becoming an identity or adopting that as an identify rather than a stepping stone to success or rather then inevitable or a process you have to undergo to learn a new skill as example. And so looking at entrepreneurship as we do and creating our own practice or going out on your own and trying to build your community.

When you said the notion of feeling safe, there's a huge degree of where you feel anything but safe. You're seeing something new. And I see that ingrained in my family in terms of, I had a conversation with my father the other day and I told him some of these new plans that we have as a family and just as personally. And he's like, well, you really need to be thinking twice about doing some of these things just very conservative, which I respect. And I said there's two sides of each coin in terms of, yes, there is a notion of okay, what is this decision or choice?

How does this impact myself, my family, those around me? But what about if I don't make that decision? If I do not create the life that I want to create? If I stay put or if I stayed in this kind of safe, interestingly, notion and not try to elicit change through some degree of challenge. But further still is, when I look back into my daughter and this notion of taking that one step further, what does that make you feel? And how can I help her feel safe to divulge emotion? Whenever she does something wrong, let's say that an example is maybe she lied to my partner, right?

She is, instead of like, you know, our kids get some nice dark chocolate daily and whatever reason she had two full bars instead her little square, whatever the case, and then she hid it and she didn't disclose the truth. And my wife says, my partnering, she says you got to go speak to her about this. And I'm like, okay, well, um, sure. Okay. I'll go speak to her and I go, you know, tell me about what happened. And then I can see she's like well I don't want her to. Right. Cause she knows that it's kind of met with a repercussion in terms of my partner rather than an openness to say, Okay, why did you do this?

Let's what are the feelings? Like what led, Why were you so compelled to obviously break quote unquote a rule? Rules matter, but I think that there's, well, that aside. So what I wanted to figure out how to do is how do I make her safe and tell her, cause she's like, I don't want to talk about it. She's trying to sweep it under the rug. How do you make, like I didn't like to the world, make here, create an environment where she can feel safe about doing something inappropriate. Yeah. So I want to say for the audience and the listeners, we do not pre-plan these.

I mean, to a sense that like we know that we're going to cover the other five stages of healing, but we did not disclose to each other this anecdotal information beforehand. And so I wanted to name how powerful it is that you're using this example because so many parents want know this answer. This is literally teeing up my exact point. Children lie because they want to maintain connection to their tribe, their parents, and their nuclear family, right? So they feel connection. They want feel safe.

So, they will do anything. I mean, we've watched kids go to the nth degree of like, the wrapper was under your bed. My sister did it. But she was at soccer practice. The monster that actually lives in my closet, Henry, he came out, you know, like they will go and go, and for us, there is this pattern and this belief of like, disrespect and subscribing to this authority figure and all the things. And really, if we look at it, that all our children are wanting is to maintain connection with us, it allows us to come from a completely different lens and energy when we have those conversations.

And I imagine that as much as our kids feel safe with, they will be more open to sharing the actual truth of the situation.

Safety, Partnership, and Emotional Regulation 14:06

And so there's a lot of different tools out there that psychologists, child psychologists will share in strategies to help support this. But I just want to hone in on the fact that your children will stay in the truth or be more open to sharing more parts of themselves and their experience and actions based on the level of safety that they feel like they have with you. And that doesn't mean no accountability, that does not mean that there are not results for action, but they do have a feeling of tetheredness and that you are still attuned to them, you're still energetically, emotionally, physically connected to then, even in the midst of making developmentally appropriate choices, such as eating an entire candy bar instead of their square.

So I love that bring that up because that is true safety. Playing it safe, making a safe decision, that is like equated to like conservatism. And even to a point of safe something that feels safe is actually can be quite self abandoning. Like I'm not going to speak up when my partner speaks to me in a certain way, or I am not gonna speak in meeting when I feel like something is out of integrity to the business that I mean. that can be deemed safe, but is that really you feeling safe in your body?

So it's really, like semantics are really really important and the energy around the term that you're using. And so I love that, you also brought up in the conversations with, expansion with your business and your parents, what has been deemed save, right? As opposed to actual real nervous system, stability, safety, and that as it relates to like attunement and connection. So, hopefully, that kind of addresses some deeper nuances of what safety is and what it can be in your parenting, but also in how safe and how much capacity do I feel to expand into my business, to make an edgy decision but feel safe that even if this works out, my worthiness doesn't depend on that or that I don't have to make meaning about what my parents will think of me if I make this decision and then it needs to pivot to something else.

So it's like everything hinges on your ability to cultivate safety within yourself and to feel that safety with another connections in your world. One step further is a little bit, not necessarily off topic, but in the realm of safety, which I kind of see now how that connection underpins this whole system. In terms of my partner, I always feel the time that I'm constantly having to critique, critique. Because she's constantly yelling at the kids, let's say, maybe because she doesn't feel safe with our relationship or overburden, overwork, or not supported.

right on her specific terms with her level of expectations. And I see the behavior then she's beginning to model and then the kids begin to yell at each other and they're just modeling a behavior of whether it's our dynamic or how she is interacting with our children. I'm just very mindful with words. And I see that her maybe not so, it's more kind of reactionary rather than stopping to think and taking a breath and say, okay, how do I want to portray this message now? That creates a safe environment rather that's, that it is more dictatorial.

And interestingly, one step further still is I was sitting with her father-in-law and cause she was prepping the kids for bed. Something wasn't to her expectation and then there was yelling and crying. I was asking her father-in-law as we were sitting at the table together and I just simply asked, your partner who passed away, unfortunately, did you ever hear her yelling? And I never did. And he goes, no. He said, but the problem isn't that she wasn't yelling is that my daughter took after me. Yeah, we're either copying or rebelling.

Like behaviors are copied or rebel and limiting beliefs that we have, were either collapsing into them or we are bracing and meeting them with a certain amount of fire. And that's exactly what's happening with what you shared. It's one of those things that I want to highlight first. We can say things where we were wanting to attempt to elicit safety, but energy is an error. I'm getting my words before what I am actually trying to say. Safety is an inside job. So, the energy of safety has to also match the words that you're offering of the safety.

And a lot of times, it's not necessarily that I yell because I feel unsafe. It's that the sensations, i.e. the overwhelm, whatever is within, that doesn't feel safe to the system to hold or there's no enough capacity there or a window of tolerance to that. that's the response, right, is the yelling or the reactionary behavior to the overwhelm. And so I think that what we often think of when we think those types of situations and wanting to change it is that we're wanting fix it instead of addressing what's within my own system, what can I notice that is within own partner system.

And how can I help to remain and I remember this, you know, last time we chatted about remaining curious and open about their lived experience as well as ours. And I think that more than anything, what we as partners can do when we are noticing that our partners are elevated is to just create so much permission. And again, permission doesn't mean it's okay for them to yell. Permission doesn' mean, oh, that just gets to be the normal. It's permission, like all of what's showing up that's creating that reactionary pattern, That behavior, how is she speaking?

bring that here. Let me hold that." That's where the masculine gets to come in and be like, yep, tell me all the things. What's going on? Because as women, a lot of times we feel like we have to hold it all and ourselves and that there's so much pent up energy that whenever we are asked or offered that space, it's just like were at volcano status or we're not even asked. There's not a safe space that's even given. We just explode. And so I think that that's really important that sharing that explosion doesn't come from a place of I feel safe.

It just simply is a reaction to the built up fire that in the system. So I'd think safety gets to happen also in really more down-regulated environments. So it's hard to cultivate safety when you're running from a tiger or you are wrestling a four-year-old. You know what I mean? There's an element of that that can be cultivated within self. But if you as the partner is wanting to bring safety to the situation, your presence has to be one that's down regulated. And so that really is... I love that you're looking at it from all sides of like, yes, I want to support and be a safe space for my daughter, but I also want it to be that for partner.

But it's really important to acknowledge that as we offer safety to a space, that doesn't mean that I'm doing this to change you or to get another result out of you. It's like I see you as a human. I say that, you have limited capacity. Like I am opening up the space right now. Let me hold you, let me Right. And it's, we just, We have to be really, really aware of like, what are we bringing to the space and what's our intention in that space. So this then, does this tie into the mother wound and then the generational patterns or the nervous system patterns, or is that separate?

Mother Wound, Service, and Reparenting 22:08

I mean, it all is intertwined. And as you notice, like we've talked about stages one, two, and getting into three of the stages of healing, but we very much go back to, oh, wow, as I'm in this root experience, I do go to back, Wow, there's a deeper limiting belief here of like, no one supports me, or it's all up to me. and then feeling into those sensations. So it, all this kind of, infinity symbol of all of it. Our ability to feel safe, yes. all of that we have attached to safety as a concept and as an energy, we outsource first from mom, how did she feel safe?

Did she feels safe connecting with herself? did you feel save with others? And then we get to also notice, you know, with dad, was dad a safe space? Did they share that the world felt safe or was a world the dangerous place that you have to look after your back and everybody's coming to get you? You know, so safety is very much an inside job, like I said, but it's very influenced by both your mother and father learning what you learned about yourself and what he learned. And very often what your mom and dad learned is what was taught to them, whether they rebelled or they're copying it.

So yes, a hundred percent has to do with mother-and-father learning. A hundred per cent goes down your lineage as well. And I see that. I mean, I came to this epiphany some years ago and it was very cathartic and I recognized that my parents, they sacrificed everything for my brother and myself. And a quote that I kind of abide by now is, when we're selfless, we lose our sense of self. Yes. That's when you're quick to explode or the volcano, as you said. Yeah. Then further still, there was an incidence where I'm not trying to pick here, just interesting how things can unfold differently, but Eastern European women, I see they're very much bred to serve.

That's in the culture. And then she says how much she enjoys doing that because it's very motherly, caring for other people. She loves that role. But then I that she wants to be served herself too, which I understand, and I can respect that. balance but yet i tell her like because she complains then all the time about you know just constantly having to serve serve serving maybe she doesn't feel safe and again she's not being there's still no one is serving her right the way that she expects to be served maybe in some respect and i invite her to say hey like you don't always have to Like our children can do stuff for themselves.

We can teach them rather than you having to serve them. Rather than them constantly asking for your assistance because this is the environment that you're creating. So be careful. I understand you enjoy that, right? So you've created this attachment. They are reliant upon you. rather than teaching. And again, I'm not trying to undermine how she wants to do things or things like that. But then, you know, when it's met with a complaint that, she's not being served herself and like the kids are constantly.

So it is twofold and then further still is when As an example, I'm doing work here, she's doing the laundry. I have no idea she is doing laundry, i'm just kind of in my own world doing my work. And she said, how come you didn't help do the laundry? And I go, that was never communicated. She goes, well, you must have heard the thing go off and you saw me. So I was like, okay, so how do I put out this fire? I just don't know how to put that fire out anymore. Yeah. This is really beautiful because it lends itself into the fourth stage, which is reparenting and rewiring.

What your partner is very much embodying, and this can be our third episode if we really want it to be, is the five personality patterns. So this five stages of healing pairs really well with Stephen Kessler's book, The Five Personality Patterns. Each of those personality patterns are developed, a primary and a secondary, based on developmental needs that were not met or strategies that are used because of needs were that not meant. So your partner is displaying classic merging compensated, which is I am going to serve and help others to feel filled up.

But the catch all for that is, I give to get. And again, this is not something that we consciously do. It's not like you're just sitting there seeding and manipulating, like, what can I drum up next? But there is an overt sense of what was modeled was that service, Eastern European. Service is queen or king, you know, like it is what is upheld as most saintly most godly, You know most liked most attended to and so there is again this circular pattern of like ooh If I help then people will acknowledge me and they'll love me And they will stay connected to me, and I'll filled up and then I feel safe And then i'll keep doing and i keep and doing doing until especially as women become mothers, that it's too much.

It's an overwhelming sense of doing and of needing to do. And as we are just women of the world, we have certain skills that men don't have, and that's okay. That's what it is. But a lot of these inherent, what about me? I have needs. Aren't you noticing me, stems from how much we've leaned into I have to do this. There's only one way to this right. The way that I'm doing it will allow everyone to have what they want. And yet, we're self-abandoning. We are abandoning our actual needs of rest, of letting the kids do their own stuff.

Because if I am not helping, who am I? If I what will I feel? And so the invitation is, as you get to these root experiences, you start to reparent yourself. You get start do this rewiring, whether it's higher self mom or dad, because this is all kind of in a visualization scene, or your higher-self or a higher power that you believe in. comes to re-parent after you fully felt the experience of what it was like to watch mom do things all the time for people, but never do for herself and to kind of feel hollow and tired and disconnected.

What was that like? to witness mom in that way. And what did you actually need from mom? Well, I needed her to stop doing the laundry and come sit with me. I need her, to like really not just do things for me, but be with, me be connected to me and clients as they start to be able to have the capacity to do this reparenting work. They sit on the couch while you do your work. And when somebody asks, what's for dinner? They say, I don't know. We haven't really talked about it. Decide. Whatever you want.

It's fine. They start to disentangle and de-center their ability to do and to provide as the only thing that they can do. And it's so magical when women start to do that because not only do they have space to feel and be, they're usually less reactive. Their kids become more independent and their partners, ta-da, actually step up and do shit around the house. Like, and it is not that you're avoiding it, but in saying, hey, I'm tired right now. I would really love after this next call for you to change out the wash.

Stuff like that starts getting done. because we're honoring what we need. We're making a request. we are making it specific because men need specifics. And we also get to see men step up in a way that we have painted this picture that they can't or won't. It is a win-win from every side, but it takes getting all the way through the method to the reparenting where you actually start to plant in what's possible. When you crack open the pattern, and the cycle and you say, let me feel this and after I feel it in the space that's there, what's actually true?

Oh, I can not plan my kid's 100th day of the year celebration for the whole entire class and like the world not implode. We can be looking for some socks the morning of instead of night before because you have Marie condoed everybody's closet and their drawers. So it's really, really something that we get to start to own ourselves. I feel safe enough to like own and be aware of that I need help and I'm not asking for it and feel like I just need to do, do do. And then we got to feel into all the layers to bring us to the other side of, wow, like Daniel's going to love me even if I don't do the wash.

our kids are still going to be able to live life even if they're not signed up for 17 different athletic programs.

First-Generation Pressure and Family Expectations 30:48

So it really, really I'm glad that you asked that situation because that it's up to us to ask for what we need and to honor really the patterns that we're letting keep us wound real tight. Simple communication, but interestingly is so the whole reparenting, rewiring it. And that was super cathartic for me when I recognized that I was just a product of my environment, my parenting, meaning from my parents in terms of they were selfless. So I had to be self-less because that to me paradigm. And why negative in the field of medicine is because that's epitome of being selfless.

I'm taking care of everybody else, often at the expense of herself. And this is what I see with burnout with moms, right? To the point that that explosion is, because they're taking of everyone but themselves. That's why I understand that. Never in nature did we evolve in silos. There's always a communal impact where we help support each other and where you would lean on each. And then if the partner I see isn't there, or if they're not showing up as the expectation entails, that's where it's okay.

That's the problem. At the rudimentary level is still not existent. Sometimes people learn very differently and need to be spoken to very different. This is the friction that I see all the time is that you're not relaying a message in a way that someone understands. I'm observing my spouse and her doing homework with my oldest child and she's kind of explaining everything and I interject like, well, let's try explaining in a different way. Maybe let' s draw a diagram. Let's draw an image. She needs to write it out rather than be said.

It's the same thing that I expressed to her in terms of communication has different flavors and maybe we need to just hear things differently sometimes. But going back again full circle is we have to be open to recognize this. So I had to open up to understanding that. I am a people pleaser because of the environment that I was raised in where failure is not an option. So I had to make sure that was doing everything right at all the right time and making sure those boxes were checked. And so here in our hopefully safe environment, I encourage failure.

I encouraged openness. people to think about why they're reacting, how they are reacting in terms of perhaps the wiring and then offer the opportunity to rewire. Yeah. And your example of you coming with fresh eyes to that situation is you're probably coming from a place of yes, a different communication style, but more presence and down regulation. I mean, you give me about 18 minutes of homework, I'm going to be upregulated. So that's why it's such a gift to be able to have these different, yes, viewpoints, but be to tag in and tag out when you're like, I am heightened right now.

I need to walk away. Like, Daniel, come here. Come help. And I think that that is really highlighting the overall, again, safety. If you feel safety and spacious and available in your system, Yes, absolutely. You get to problem solve a little bit easier and you get the expand the ability for you to communicate. 100%, that makes total sense. Are you first generation American? Yeah. So this is a big like aha moment for a lot of it's funny because the certification program that I'm helping with right now, we have triads like little pods.

All three of my people and the women in my group are first generation Americans. They're all their parents are immigrants. And what's really, really impactful is that like, We get to realize that, like our parents were the way they were because their life possibly depended on it. Like they had to maintain some sort of like cohesion in the group. They had be the hardest worker because they perceived as X, Y, and Z. And we get to keep asking ourselves, In what ways has this served me? And in what way is this now hindering me?" And really, if you just ask those two questions, it's going to lead you down the path of, do I need a healing session around this to be able to really let go of this belief, knowing and honoring that my parents had to do that.

They literally had do do for their survival, and so did their parents and their And so I think that we're learning now, like you are a very successful entrepreneur and in the medical field and the beliefs that are driving you, they don't necessarily have the same context to your parents. And, so you get to understand like, oh, maybe I get let that like die down just a little bit because I'm in a different situation. Yeah, I always say, because there's often the quote, you know, perception is reality.

I would say perception as is merely a piece of reality and we all have different pieces of our own reality, and often we're the center of the universe and sometimes we don't recognize that. So my goal is how can you step back and recognize it's our environment who molds us, it appears to us. And this was part of a discussion I had with my father in terms of I want to create a different reality because I don't subscribe to societal norms that confines us to these boxes and confides us, to the standard way of learning and confined us through this specific medical system, if you will.

So needless to say is, and he's his, again, immigrant, as you said, that was his reality. They had to be adopted, adapted to that reality and so I'll be careful because you know, this X, Y and Z and it's like, My philosophy is that I don't know how important school is anymore because when they're 20, in let's say 15 years from now, is what we're teaching them actually relevant with how fast tech and AI is integrating? I have computer programmers sending in their CVs for opportunity. I go, how is the skill set relevant?

But I see specific skill sets that are quickly becoming outdated. And so what skills are important to teach our kids now? That's kind of the question that I keep asking. So I understand that our environments shape us. But then at the end of day, in terms of our children as an example, who's raising our kid? Certainly it's not me, I'm at work all day. If anything, what killed me and dagger to my heart was a few weeks back when my oldest goes, how come you never spent enough time with us dad? And I'm like, oh my god, I am helping everybody else but except for those people that I love, right?

I m not showing up the way I need to for the love and that's why it's not safe. That's at that volcano and I recognize and it was like I needed to create a different paradigm, a difference reality so that everyone can win Rather than, okay, I'm in my lane just doing me and I am the center of my own universe and fulfilling my career and ambition and my learning potential, but yet at the expense of some other people that need me to show up in a different way. I don't like the term balance because it's a game of priorities.

How do I prioritize being a father, being his son, be a partner, a mentor, friend, teacher? That's the conundrum that I face. I bet you every single person that listen, we're like, oh my God, I can do that snowball. Just watch. All we get to do is take a breath. notice what's in our system, and come back. Come back to the thing that we're avoiding, come to that thing we are present to, that is the next smallest step. We like to make things so complicated and think of the meta-macro when each moment has the answer in the present moment.

It could be the things that you just went through and maybe you're at home and say the kids were home, maybe working on a Saturday, take a breath, you check in, I don't need to be doing this right now. And so you shut the laptop and you go and play, right? I think that we give our power and our autonomy and agency away time and time again when the answers are always there. That sounds cliche AF. But like, it's true. It is true and the more that you check back in, the that becomes your North Star without checking in.

it just becomes you're day to day. You are that embodied version of yourself that is void of the limiting beliefs of your parents and their parents, and really just conscious presence that's just showing up. Knowing that, you can pivot, knowing that your getting it wrong or that will get it as much safety as you can cultivate within your system in that presence, you're able to give that to other people. I think that that comes through louder than any of the, You're not spending enough time with us.

Oh my God, I haven't heard from you in a while. If you don't do this, then you are not going to meet this business benchmark. It brings you back to what your actual core is apart from all of that haze that sits around you.

Presence, Priorities, and Closing Reflections 39:58

how much more do we have to discuss in terms of repair? I mean we could again go through like three more podcasts of this. I think the biggest thing is that the first three that we've talked about at length are the most important and it's almost like you push the water up the hill or the ball up a hill and everything tends to be downhill from that in the fact that like the reparenting just comes. Like there's no forcing it, there is no mindset, And then the integration is just getting it out into the world.

It's letting the ball just continue to roll however far it rolls and being able to know that you get to come back to the starting line when something feels really edgy, when someone feels crunchy, or when it feels unsafe as you're putting it into world and so I would love for listeners to really just take in these first three major points and just touching on the reparenting and the rewiring. and the integration because so much of that meat is what people miss. They want to go from this is who I am and I want it to be changed and then I wanna see that change.

And that's really not even the majority of the work. It's stages one, two and three. Again, this has been absolutely beautiful. So I appreciate your wisdom, your time, Your honesty, transparency, and your heart. I mean, every time we speak, I am very, very enlightened and enthralled. And I guess, like I said, we'll have to do a part three. We'll just keep talking. I really think that the five personality patterns would be really helpful to go into because a lot of the context, now that you have the foundation of, you know, the stages of healing, why do people show up in this way in these behaviors and what are the things that are needed or what being felt as unsafe or deemed as unsafe in their system that's creating this pattern and behavior.

So again, I'm always game to come back. It's been great. And I really just want to, again applaud that like the depth of the conversation is due to the applicability to today that you're sharing. Really I hope that listeners can take both your examples and the examples that come up for themselves and be able to really unpack this in the way that fits into their life. I think ultimately what's key is to reflect. And I always say, especially to you and to my patients, it's progress over perfection, 1% better every day.

Views reflect, right? And we cannot do the environment that keeps us sick. This is completely relevant. So what you're doing is absolutely incredible. Dr. Amanda Curry, round of applause for you in part two. Well, thank you. We're definitely going to figure out a time to go deeper in part three. I want to be mindful of your time today, so I genuinely appreciate this. Again, further ideas. So I love what we're doing here for everyone listening. If you can share where people can find you and tune in.

Yeah, so I've kept it super simple as you probably heard in the first podcast. Instagram, I am the Somatic DPT. D is in David, P is Paul, T is Tom. Those are my credentials. I'm traditionally trained as a physical therapist. And yeah, message every new follower. There's so much free resources on there. Have a YouTube channel as well as booming list of podcasts that I have been on as. Well, but I would just really just love for you to re-listen to these two, because I think that everything that you need is probably in these too.

But yeah, reach out with any questions. Again, the Somatic DPT on Instagram, and I look forward to our third round. For everyone listening as well, please like, review, and subscribe. As always, share this with someone that needs to hear this message. Tune into Amanda's work for sure if she makes everything very, very approachable. Very safe for me to open up and kind of share the deeper side of where we're vulnerable. But that I think is key to help us continue to grow and as I always say, challenge creates change.

So I appreciate the challenge in this conversation. And as always, thank you so much. Again, until next time, stay healthy, Stay wealthy, my friends. Thank you for tuning in to the TBD Fit podcast on Dr. Talks, where we unpack all things health and longevity. If you enjoy the show, like, review, and subscribe. This allows us to have a greater reach and help others on their health, wellness journey.