Reclaim Your Spark — NLP, Soul Work & the Subconscious Patterns Keeping You Stuck

Podcast Introduction and Guest Bio 0:00

Welcome to Hotness, the podcast that brings you practical tools to balance your hormones and rekindle connection, confidence, and desire in midlife and beyond. I'm your host, Dr. Liz Lister. Hotners is a safe space for honest conversations about menopause, sex, identity, love, loss, reinvention,and desire, because you can embrace your hotness at every age. Hello, my hot ones. Welcome to Hotness, the podcast where hormones, confidence, and desire come back online. My guest today is someone who I have adored for over a decade.

Naomi Bereket is a NLP coach. We talk about what that means. She is somebody who feels that every one of us has an inner spark that is longing to shed its light on the world. She loves helping people overcome deeper fears so they can thrive and influence others as well positively. She's a personal growth coach, a respected speaker. she has her MBA and she's currently pursuing her MSW. With all of this, clients really love her, that work with her as far as transformational coaching, and she's been named influential leader in personal growth and achievement.

She's also a published author. Her books include The Deep Sea, Find Your Inner Spark, And See Into Your Soul. I am just delighted to share with you my conversation. We touched on authenticity, especially in midlife. How can we express that inner spark and what happens when we do? We feel intimacy with ourselves and with others so much more deeply, I think especially, in Midlife, so please enjoy my Hello,

Returning to Authenticity in Midlife 2:04

my hot ones. I'm so delighted to share with you my beautiful friend Naomi Bareket. We will learn more about her as we go. So we're just going to jump in. Does that sound okay, Naomi? Yeah, let's jump. Let's do it. So what I want to start out asking you is that women in midlife sometimes, or maybe often, they wake up and they realize that they've spent many, many years taking care of others, performing a role in their lives, work and family, et cetera, in the relationships. How can women, especially in Midlife, start to return to themselves, to their authentic selves.

Let's jump off from there. Yeah, absolutely. I think especially in a certain age when we are looking back and saying, okay, so I serve this and I served other people, but where am I? Where's my fulfillment? They're checking out, they want to share their strength with something bigger than what they had to do until now, right? So in order to help them tap into authentic sense, by the way, my book, The Deep Sea, it's all about- Yes, I love that book. It's gorgeous. Seeing the soul, see into your soul and find your inner spark.

Otherwise, we shield numbness, kind of like unful shield, and this really impact our mental health. And in general, there is even a pyramid that The middle of it is like values, really need to know what our priorities, what is really important for us at this time. And we don't need too like beat ourselves or like feel sorry, like, Oh, I should have done that. I shouldn't know when you go there, it's not going to help you. So like instead is. How can I now fulfill what is important for me? And then we look at the different level of like the authentic kind of, like level, of thinking of pyramid, which is the top will be like, what does my higher purpose, my mission, something that if like I had the magic wand, I would do it all the time because it's like.

my second nature, I love it, you know, and it feels good. It feels meaningful for me. And then if we go below that, it's like, there is the identity that we have to check, like who am I? So like if, do I say I am wonderful? I'm a light and that's still, that still needs to shine or wants to, or like I can say, worthless, right? Like, so we need to pay attention to that thing. then we look at our beliefs and values because like if I believe that nothing will come out of me or if i believe oh you know i'm too old to do something right if we have that belief we definitely need to tap into that and release them because that will hold you back and the values like If we don't know what is important for us we will find ourselves in internal conflicts like part of Me wants part Of Me doesn't so like we really need To go to the different layer And of course, check what we are good at, what is our capability, skills, and what's our behavior, because our behaviors are mainly automatic.

So because we were pre-programmed or the environment below that also impacts our thing. And you talked about women, we always look to serve, right? But there is a special light that only you have. Nobody has the same fingerprint that you had. You go to the airport, right? Everybody has their own fingerprint. So what am I here for? More than just like, okay, serving what I did till now. But like still, like we always serve somehow, but how do I shine my light to that point where I really feel this joy, this fulfillment.

You know what I mean?

Hormones, Shame, and Midlife Balance 5:55

Beautiful. Absolutely. I love that. And I also think that there are specific hormonal changes in midlife that allow women to do that, especially with your help. because if they are not balanced, let's put it this way, right? There is chemicals running in our body. So like that's another thing that is very important that I'm glad you talked about hormones because what happened is there is a lot of shame that people feel. Unfortunately, many women feel a little shame because they're out of balance hormonal wise.

And then they think, oh my gosh, it's so embarrassing. I get this anxiety, I am shaking. You know, like this kind of like, you know. So really, it's important to make sure to go to you and also talk about those because like there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's natural. And like the opposite, people who keep it as a secret, the symptoms are worse. By all means, talk to a group of women that like And that's what I like about you, that you guide women and you make sure that they feel it's totally normal.

There's nothing to be ashamed of. And the opposite, speak out, because you deserve to live your life to the fullest. So by all means, yeah. Yeah, beautiful. I love that, which is why we're having this conversation today, Because you help me do that and help people do what you work with. Can you share just, how do you describe NLP to people? I know how I describe it, but I would like, I've never asked you this. I'd like to hear how, How do YOU describe the NLP work that you do with people. Right.

So Nlp stands for like neuro-linguistic programming. If you think about it like that, if you freeze a screen of your current manifestation of life, it's actually a reflection of 95% of you subconscious mind, your automatic way that you were pre-programmed. So in order to be able to really live your life to the fullest, what we look at is what you will pre program that hold you back from fully fulfill your

What NLP Is and How It Works 7:59

mission and live a fulfilled life and not like feeling this numbness. So it's a brain walk kind of like, because everything when we think about, if you think, about like if I'll tell you, describe me your room when you were like 10 years old or something, everything is like when right away a picture comes up. now. It's the same as if it were right now, got it. Exactly. So everything is pictured, the picture stored in our mind, also around our beliefs, around the values and things like that. And so when there's certain picture that hold us back, just like when we see something and we get triggered and then we go after like, Why did I get so mad?

Like, right? You're shocked that you got so bad, but it's all triggers that were stuck in and traumas and things like that, that the body remembers everything and each cell of our body remember everything. So what we do is like, we sometimes need to modify and change that and we need the thing to hold us back. and it's so fun because it is really fast. I do study now also to become a psychologist and social worker because some people will never go to chiropractic, they will only go through physical therapy.

So I want to make sure I also serve the people who are more suspicious about all this abracadabra really-fast fixing. But I believe if you can struggle left and like a really fast transformation, so that's what it's all about. That's a limiting belief that some people have is that it needs to take time. It should take. If it is too quick, it isn't real. Those are related to the work that you do. So that is fantastic. I love that. And I'm going to borrow that when people ask me about that and when I send people to you and tell them I think they should work with you.

Thank you. And before you ask, even like we continue the conversation, we talk also about weight, like the way that people carry on themselves is also pre-programmed in a lot of ways because like, the body remembers and like sometimes the certain food was like your protective mechanism. So like when you try 5% of your country might say, yeah, I want to lose weight. I went this, but guess what? Like really quick, you're going to gain it back, right? If you don't release the, pre program, trauma and whatever connection that we did in our head of what does it mean, how it protects me.

I like this. Yes. You said earlier 95 percent. The five percent is making good conscious effort, but 95, which is the subconscious, is actually running the show and makes it so difficult. Let me ask you, because I know you have a very wonderful spirituality and you and I talk about that a lot. So sometimes women feel the need to make a shift in their lives, they feel it that way. They feel like an internal voice. How do you tell women and suggest to women how to trust that voice and really be able to live in alignment?

I would say, like, when you have this voice, the fears will kick in right away, really quick. So before you really want to fulfill it, you will go, with all the excuses, all of the reasoning, why not? So I will say at least, play in your head and say if I had a magic wand. what would they do?

Subconscious Patterns, Weight, and Desire 11:15

What would I have? So play with that and then say, okay, and you can even write it down. Like if I only had the magic wand, right? And only then you say if you think even back, if we look back most of the things you achieve is regardless of whatever you hold your back. But it was pre-programmed. You go to school, you do that, bring children, get married. Although you were afraid, let's say, to give birth, you still did it because you are pre-programmed for that, right? And people who decided not to have kids, they were pre programmed because they felt the trauma they went through, like not necessary trauma.

Like they looked at the world, so there's a lot of... right, reflection and like decision you make. So like, I think like just like when I decided to study the MSW, you I could say, oh, i'm too old to studying now another master degree or right. And we cannot deny that those kind of voices, they still show up. But like what is the pro and cons for everything, right? And like there's nothing like that. I Think it's a Christian guy named Joel Austin. He says that there is nothing implant in your mind without God putting it there.

So the fact that you even have this kind of a thought, don't disregard it. So look at that and say, okay, it's not like I force myself. I'm going to play with it, right? And what does it require? Be curious. What does require, oh, I need now to contact my university. Yeah, you need to make sure it step by step. It doesn't have to be overwhelming and divided by tiny, tiny steps. Yes, I love that. My Kabbalah teacher talks about building, building a building that in someone, first of all, he says exactly what you just said.

Any desire that we have, that's because spirit or the creator or God or whatever we call it, wants us to have that, and that is why we had the thought. So I loved that that was beautiful. But then he also talks the person who is building the building. They start with the vision of the entire building but manifesting it then takes stepwise work. Exactly, exactly. And I think the more we connect to what is it really that we want and like our soul, our spiritual soul the motivated we will to take the steps.

If we are like trying to impress other people and that's the problem is that many times we'll fall into like what's popular or what other are people doing. Oh, I wish I, but like truly if you can just like tap into your inner soul and not like compare yourself to others because it's really each has different fingerprint and always think like, if God willing, I'm 120 years old and looking back on my life, like what would I be proud of, right? What is something that I will be of? Something that, you know, that was meaningful for me that time, totally proud and amazing model for my kids or for future generation, for family, my neighbors, it doesn't matter.

how like I can shine my light and every person has a unique light.

Trusting Inner Guidance and Taking Steps 14:16

So I love that you always talk about the inner spark of that unique like, I want to ask you in your work with women, and I know you work women. I knew you worked with men as well, but also just talking with woman. What do you hear or understand happens for women with regard to intimacy, right? Not necessarily sexual intimacy but intimacy really with ourselves and with the people we care about. when they start telling the truth about what they want. Right. So there's also taboo around intimacy and sex stuff and stuff like that.

There's a lot of also shame, guilt, and people don't talk about it as much. I want to encourage them for sure to talk to people around it because why not? This is something that It's part of life. And yeah, so I noticed there is a lot also of like internal conflicts, right? That people feel what they were pre-programmed, what do they believe and what did they wish or not wish, or something. There's also like a, lot of time they use it as a distraction, unfortunately. So there's like in certain city, like that's, you can go from one partner to another and stuff, and it's okay.

Everybody lives their life, but sometimes they feel numbness after. feel this unfulfilled feeling because it's not like what they really want. They want like really sense of intimacy or something, but like it is a good distraction. No, it like a drinking, you know, like, about smoking or smth. It gives you joy. Like eating chocolate. So sometimes I would say like even that like really kind of look at your values while important for you. And if you like looking for a partner or if already have partner, make sure that you meet that it's a win-win and everybody's happy and it in alignment.

Because sometimes like I hear a lot of like women, oh, you know, The minute he touches me, he wants sex. He gives me a massage, I want sex, but I just want the massage at that moment. For example, it's very important to actually talk about it, so there is alignment, because otherwise the gap is growing. The gap in relationship, don't use it. I think don' underestimate it in the sense of I have it so much and it's in so abundance to the point that I don't appreciate it anymore. That's my point of view because I see that it happened a lot.

Even with young generation, it is like when they live in a city like even Tel Aviv or other city, they feel like, oh, like they lost a spiritual part of it. They lost the lot of. It's just like another, almost like. you know, something that they cannot appreciate anymore. And they, because of that, they struggle after when they actually feel connected to someone. But then this part is like now meaningless. Oh, right. So like, I always say, talk to your values and see if that's really what you're looking for or you run away from something.

Beautiful, so that's a tool. I always want to give my listeners tools, practical, I want this podcast to be really practical for people. So I think that a beautiful tool is looking at values.I did an exercise,I couldn't even find a link to put in the show notes,

Intimacy, Values, and Alignment 17:28

but they're not hard to find online. But it was an exercises that I did in a workshop many, many years ago. And so I'm very clear about my core values, So that's really a useful tool for people to be able to. Be in alignment with themselves and be authentic. Is that, is that a fair, I don't want to put words in your mouth. Those are how I would say it. No, it's absolutely true because like then like you beat yourself otherwise. You know, it's just like weight and junk, right? Sometimes we just eat in and like we overly eat and then we feel guilty about it.

And like, you know so like I think like that if visiting it, so just with food, like right. So then I feel like then, I say, oh, wait a minute, maybe it not good for me too much. Like maybe I'll take fruit now. Right. We have the awareness, about awareness. I thin in general, everything you do, if you can like hold before you do, like even like food. If you can pause before the pause, you know, it makes a huge difference. So like in anything, I can relationship and stuff so she can pose. But the problem is that there is a lot of shame around talking about, as you say, intimacy and staff like that.

And that's unfortunate because people hold in and then they are like, they're not happy. They are not satisfied because there's no alignment. So it's very important that there is a lot of jokes around it because of that. Right. Because it becomes like a joke to keep it away. Yeah. But like, it is very, important to talk about it. I'm, you know, I think like people are really blessed that they can talk with you about that. And like also hormone otherwise, when we talk even biologically that like some people, the women, all of a sudden, it, private part is too dry or anything like that, like they should like be open to talk about it rather than suffering secretly and like, to every person, but they talk to you.

That's right. That is actually a good idea. Don't talk about it with everybody. Talk about with someone who can actually help you feel better. Speaking of which, if people want to learn more about your work, they want learn. I love you've got your information behind you, so that's really great. Plus, I will include links to you in the show notes. But what's the best way for people to reach you if they wanna learn about the work that you do or if want work with you? Sure, sure. So like the website they can look at is WWW, of course, and then the word neuro, like for the brain, neuro.

Then the world success. And then O-L-O-J-Y, neurosuccessology. It's probably will be in the note. Yes, we'll do that for sure. Yeah, they can talk to you and you can refer, so by all means. Beautiful. Fantastic. Well, I want to also ask you a question that I ask every guest. What is something that you personally do to experience and to feel your own hotness? Yeah. So, okay. I think two things. The soul thing for me is very important. Anything that's feeling in my soul. Daily I'm reading my sounds, pray a lot, and then the physical thing is going to the gym, walking with the dog, making sure that it's all balanced.

Hotness Practices and Closing Remarks 20:38

need to balance all the dimensions so we can live fully and share our unique mission with purpose. Beautiful. Shine our own light that we each have. That's so wonderful. Yeah. Thank you so much. And be what? Say it again. Obsessive. Don't shine your, you know, leave your... You have the obsession. You do. I love that. That is so great. And we each have that, so I loved that so much. Thank you so, much thank you for being with me on Hotness, Ma, and I know besides seeing you soon, we will definitely...

I always encourage people who have any questions to put them so that we can have another conversation very soon. Thanks for listening to Hotness. Help more women find these practical tools by liking, sharing, and following the show, as well as leaving a review. As a gift for listing, go to drlizmd.com forward slash hotness for your free midlife guide filled with powerful support for you mind, body, soul, because you can embrace your hotnes at every age.