Reclaiming Yourself: How to Build Success and Thrive in Life – Without Burning Out

Opening on Burnout and Purpose 0:00

You're so worn out. You're so burned out because you're just pouring into other people that as a person, that's not good for you. But then the flip side of that is, is that if you're constantly over available, and this is something that I talk about a lot in Charismatics, if you're constantly working in your business, you're not working on your business. If you're constantly in the weeds, you're not able to step back and have a very clear vision and make the decisions that are necessary for you to form your systems, implement your SOPs, and then have a strategic plan to move the direction that you want to move.

Hey guys, welcome back to the My EMD Unscripted podcast. I'm your host, Clint Carter, and I would not be here today if I had known Von Kohler in a previous life, because one of his main goals is keeping people from burning out. And if you guys know anything about me, burnout is a big part of how I got where I'm at. Can't wait to talk to Vaughn. He's an experienced coach and consultant. He's a former pastor, cancer survivor, multiple business entrepreneur, husband, and father of five. So he's got a lot going on.

He's got a great story to tell. So Vaughn, I'm going to let you introduce yourself properly, but I think the question I have for you to start us out is you've lived several different lives. You've been a pastor, an entrepreneur. You know, a cancer survivor, like we said, a coach, parent, husband, which of these identities has shaped you the most? And with that, introduce yourself and thanks for coming on the pod, man. Thank you. That is a really good question. And I would say that throughout my life, I've always had a core calling and that calling has expressed itself in different contexts.

I've been a pastor, I've been instructor on, you know, the college level and I even taught on a graduate level to seminarians. Um, I've been a consultant and I've been, I am a coach, writer, speaker. Those are the different contexts, but the essential calling is that I really feel like my God given calling in life is to help people, um, essentially create the life that they were meant to live and be the people that God made them to be.

Vaughn's Calling and Career Transitions 2:25

Nice. Yeah. And it's my jam. I really enjoy it. I really enjoy helping people get more clarity on the direction that they want to go in life. And I really enjoy helping them either discover for the first time or rediscover who they are. Yeah. Who they are. who they aspire to be, their core values, the beliefs that drive them. There's two phrases or the two famous quotes that come to my mind, both by women. St. Catherine of Siena said, if you are who God meant you to be, you'll set the world on fire.

And then Holly Parton said, find out who you are and do it on purpose. Yeah. The great philosopher, Dolly Parton, man. He's great, man. Catherine and St. Dolly. So, yeah, my core identity is I just like helping people understand who they are and what they're put on this earth to do. It's amazing how hard it is to know who you are. And then if you were to ask people what they were put on this earth to do, wow, that would just be like, paralyzingly difficult question for most people to answer. Yeah.

And then, you know, you can, you know, we'll get into it, but you come into contact with some pretty highly successful folks who are having a circle back and answer these questions. So. Yeah. How did you go from, you know, ministry to business? What was the push there? That's a good question. So a few years before middle life, I really started thinking and praying about it. And there were a couple different things that led me out of ministry. in terms of pastoral ministry, I'd like to think that I'm still on some level of ministry.

Yeah, correct. Yeah. But one was that I've always been kind of a nerd and I like reading and I like studying and I like teaching and really I really started getting ears to maybe be a teacher in a college setting because, and you may know this if you're close to your pastor, Clint, but what's kind of a bummer about pastoral ministry is that there's a lot more administration than people think there is. Oh yeah. I am not an administrator. I am a teacher. I am someone who's good with meeting with people, having coffee, having good conversations.

So thankfully I was just an associate pastor, so I didn't have the whole organization of the church as my responsibility. But I just really found myself again and again drawn to teaching and working with students and doing some sort of mentoring in a collegiate setting. And so I started thinking, well, maybe this pastoral ministry has run its course and I'll go the direction of seeing if I can get a job as a college professor. And the other thing, quite frankly, and this may be scandalous to some of you, Some of your listeners who have very strong theological convictions, but I studied it for a while and I, I just felt pretty convinced to, and I was a Baptist pastor at the time, but I, I felt pretty convinced to join the Catholic church.

And so that was a decent size leap right there, man. It's a pretty big one. And I always like to tell people who, who, you know, are people of goodwill. What's important to me at the end of the day is having a real encounter with Jesus. And I do have strong convictions about church and theology, but there are good people in every denomination and every tradition. So that's kind of where I'm coming from. But that all led to a massive, as you can imagine, a massive reordering of my life. And, you know, I don't know if you've ever read, Dante's divine comedy, but, uh, with like the, the inferno and the purgatory, you know, like that thing.

Yes. I mean, to say I'm familiar. Yes. To say I've read it would be a lie. Well, I only reference it because it's opens with this, this basic, basically he says in really, really creative sort of ancient language. I had a midlife crisis and I didn't know which way to go. And so that was kind of me. I left the pastorate, get married shortly after that, but I was older. I mean, I was close to 40 when I got married. And a series of events took me away from Manhattan, Kansas, where I was a pastor and I loved it.

In fact, I ended up moving back. It took me and my new bride, we ended up moving from that area to St. Louis, which was a completely new area. My parents lived there, but I had never actually lived there. And it was, you know, a major metropolitan area. And all of a sudden, you know, I had had a job very briefly at sort of a transition job at Benedictine College in Atchison, Kansas. But, but all of a sudden. I'm close to 40 and I have a resume entirely for ministry. Yeah. And I have to completely start over and reinvent my life.

And it was, you know, it was a change. And it's one of the reasons why I have a real heart for people who are going through massive changes, whether they're just going through a career change or they're going through a whole life stage transition. I have a real heart for helping people to maintain a sense of, of peace through that process and not just peace, but But a sense of excitement and even freedom. Like, you know, as long as I'm committed to the right things, I'm going to do whatever I want to do.

And I'm going to do it boldly. I imagine your know who you are, find your identity and what you were put on this earth for had a big part in making that leap. Because, you know, you've got to be asking yourself. Am I doing the right thing? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? You know, all of those things. Yeah. Well, I went through all of those, you know, wrestled with all of those things in my, in my mind. And then, and then eventually what happened is I just sort of skipped from one job to the next.

I, you know, I tried to be a. Gosh, what did I try to do? I did try to get a job as a full-time job as a professor, but I kept on running into the, uh, either they wouldn't respond to me at all or they did respond to me and I didn't have a PhD. So I couldn't go that direction. And it was like, what am I going to do? Spend another six years getting a PhD. And I looked all over for different things related to colleges and I just doors would not open and it got really, really discouraging,

From Ministry to Entrepreneurship 9:00

and I finally got to the point where I'm like, well, I got to support my family, so I'm going to take whatever I can get. And I got this job as a water purification salesman. In fact, it was this, some sort of machine that purified the water in your home. So you sold these, right? So I went through the whole, I went through the whole training and it was like a month long training. And about halfway into it, I started getting jobs writing articles for a local magazine. And that was more my jam because I really enjoyed writing.

But that was just like a per article basis. It wasn't a thing. Not the same as having a job. No. So anyway, I finished my training and I go off on my first sales call and I'm kind of disappointed and that's a little bit of an understatement. I'm just pretty depressed because I'm like, man, I left the pastorate for this. Nothing against water purification salespeople, but it's not what I had in mind at Midlife essentially starting from an entry level sales position. And so as I was driving out there, I really did just felt lost.

And I remember it was this very bleak day in January, February, Southern Illinois. I was driving out to do sales calls and I really sensed this voice said, Vaughn, what do you really want to do? And I said, God, I really want to use my gifts and skills to help people. Like writing, speaking, you know, whatever interpersonal skills that I have. And literally within a minute, the phone rang and it was the guy that ran the magazine. And I said, oh, hey, Bobby, how you doing? He said, hey, Vaughn, I got a question for you.

I said, what's that? He goes, do you want to be the editor of our magazine? I said, let me think about it. Yes. Yes. And he said, well, listen, we are kind of a startup, so it's not like we have this six figure salary. He told me the salary, it was enough. It was a modest salary, but it was a full-time salary, right? That's right. I said, all right, I'll take it. He said, when can you start? And I said, as soon as I let the people know that I just went through a month of training that I'm not going to use.

And he said, can you write an article this week? And I said, yeah. And he said, well, I'd like you to write an article about a local entrepreneur multi-millionaire, personal development genius, entrepreneurial genius. So great. What's his name? His name is Andy Frisella. And I do remember thinking, I don't know why, but this seems significant. I ended up going to write, meeting him, we really hit it off. I wrote an article about it, about him. He said, man, you're a great writer. I said, hey, you should write a book.

And he goes, I should, I'm a good writer, but he says, I don't have the time. And I go, well, I actually know a guy that has a ghost writing business. He goes, oh, do you? I say, yeah. He said, all right, we'll put together a proposal. And so I put together a little proposal and then I said, well, since I told him I had a ghostwriting business, I probably ought to form an LLC. So I started meeting with Andy. I started interviewing him and basically, you know, writing down his thoughts, which were amazing in terms of how to build a business, how to develop as a person, how to improve your mental toughness, your vision, your courage, your discipline, all that stuff.

Well, in the meantime, his media team was recording our interview. our conversations and he told them, he told his media team to start posting these, his answers to my questions on social media and on Instagram and Facebook, which I know it's hard to believe, but you know, in 2015, those were well used platforms, but not quite to the craze that they are now. And so he started posting these clips and people went crazy and says, This is such good stuff. Where's your podcast?" And he's like, podcasts?

Only nerds have podcasts. What's a podcast? We want to write a book. And then somebody had to tell us, no, no, no, podcasts are like the up and coming thing, right? You know, okay. And he's like, well, I guess I better start a podcast. And so he said to me, do you want to be my cohost because you're. I mean, can I, can I cuss on this, uh, on this? Yeah, man. He said, Vaughn, you're really good at getting out of me. And I do, I tend to be a pretty good asker of questions. And so I thought it was funny because, you know, former Baptist pastor, this guy is an amazing guy, but he cusses like a sailor and you know, really raw.

And at the time I had also gotten a side gig that was just, you know, didn't pay much, but it was kind of fun. I was actually teaching seminarians how to be better communicators. So I went to the president of the seminary and I said, Hey, I got this opportunity. Is this bad? He says, why is it bad? It sounds like a great opportunity. I said, yeah, but the guy cusses and he goes, yeah, but he's, I mean, are you, are you advancing immorality? I go, no, I'm actually think that this can help people.

He said, yeah, well, I, he said, if your conscience is clear with it, I don't think it's a big deal. And, um, he said, I think you can really help a lot of people. And I'm really, I really appreciated that feedback. Um, Because it gave me, I ended up having a very clear conscience about it because there are worse things than cussing, right? So anyway, we started doing it and within the first year or so, it just skyrocketed to the top of the Apple podcast, which back then used to be called iTunes.

We were top five business and success podcasts for five years straight. And then that kind of one thing led to the next. I started helping different people, started developing different skills. And then I eventually wanted to move back to Kansas. Andy and I continued working together in different capacities, but I was like, man, I've learned so much in the last five years. And it was interesting, Clint. It was like, I took a lot of the things that are part of being a pastor in terms of encouraging people and guiding people.

helping them develop as people and bringing in, you know, soul type of things. And then along comes Andy and I, and I integrate that with personal development and entrepreneurship. And so that's where I'm coming from. And so I ended up a couple of years ago, starting a, starting a business and, and over the years I've really begun to fine tune my approach. But I really, you know, it really revolves around four central questions, which is who am I? What do I want? What am I afraid of? And how am I going to get what I want or what's next?

And depending on who I'm working with can be a. former NFL football player who wants to actually start his own ministry. I've worked with luxury real estate agents who wanted to make a massive transition and make a living as an artist. I've helped contractors and I've helped all sorts of different kinds of business, men and women. What is funny and what is. relevant to your podcast is in the last couple of years, I feel like I've been led, particularly through my business partner and friend, Alex Spinoza, I've been led to work with, and now it's primarily with people who own med spas and clinics.

And it is interesting because all entrepreneurs. face challenges, logistical challenges, financial challenges, emotional challenges, psychological challenges. But I really do feel, and part of this, I get an inside scoop of this because my wife is a functional medicine doctor, but there's something about medicine, at least this is my take. This is something about working in medicine and working in the aesthetics where people are really coming to you with their hopes of health, their hopes of happiness, their hopes of, you know, my wife has had a bout with mold toxicity and it's no fun.

And, you know, people come to people, to medical related entrepreneurs and they're desperate for answers.

Working with Medical and Aesthetic Leaders 17:25

And sometimes, you know, it's not life or death, but sometimes it's, you know, I don't really feel good about myself. I want to lose weight. I want my skin to look better. I want some sort of aesthetic thing that's going to just make me feel better in my own skin. People put a lot of expectations on those who run medical and aesthetic businesses. And so you have the normal trials of entrepreneurship plus all that. So it's been an interesting experience working with these clinic leaders. And, uh, these different doctors and NPs and stuff.

And I love it. I really, I really, I really do. And it's been, it's been neat to figure out how I can tailor my coaching program to really meet their needs and to help them have more confidence in their decision to help them to deal with, you know, the expectation. It's a crazy environment where. Yeah. You know, we, those of us who cut our teeth in medicine for a while and then become business owners, you know, the system sort of trains us that we shouldn't think about money. You're just thinking about the patient's wellbeing.

And then when it's like time to start a business, you literally have to think about making money in the process. And it's, there's a. There's a guilt, a, you know, there's a, there's a dissonance inside of our souls from the training that we've received. Like, well, if I help this person and I could do it for less, shouldn't I do it for the minimum possible? I'm like, well, how many people do you want to help? I mean, if you're going to go out of business in a week and you didn't really, you didn't, you didn't do the maximum good with, with what you had.

And so I think it's a fun, I know you're so. We met because you and, and Dr. Spinoza who we've had on previously started Charismatics to a mastermind for just this thing to help, you know, medical entrepreneurs. And it's fun the people in that group that are, you know, pretty. Like they're just scared to make these business decisions and they're almost like, is it okay? You know, I titled my talk, my podcast with Spinoza. I was like, a medical entrepreneur can make more money. And is that okay to ask?

You know, just because, you know, is it okay? Uh, you know, that's a fun cause, you know, talk about identity statement. Am I a provider? Am I a business owner? Well, yes. So, I mean, like, so what are some of the challenges you've had in this group or in maybe not in just this group, because that's a limited number of folks, but just in this, in this field in general? I think from a practical level, well, something that is a very common challenge that has both personal repercussions and business repercussions is this idea of not being so over available to patients or clients, to team members, to anybody, to where on the one hand, you're so worn out, you're so burned out because you're just pouring into other people that as a person that's not good for you.

But then the flip side of that is, is that if you're constantly over available, and this is something Alex and I talked about a lot in Charismatics, if you're constantly working in your business, You're not working on your business. If you're constantly in the weeds, you're not able to step back and have a very clear vision and make the decisions that are necessary for you to form your systems, implement your SOPs, and then have a strategic plan to move the direction that you want to move. And so a lot of what I do just from a personal development standpoint is get them to understand that it is good for them and it is good for the business for them to not always be available to people and to put strict boundaries on when they're.

carving out time, not just to fill up their own souls, but to really think through, okay, how do I want to direct this business as a whole? So that's one of the things that we talk about is just kind of dealing with that, setting the structures in place to make sure that you're You're being filled up and you have the time to think. I think people are funny, right? You know, so you have clients and you have, you have team members who are foisting their expectations on you. So I think a lot of times how do you deal with criticism?

How do you, when you're trying to be a leader. How do you make decisions and stand by them and power through when people are giving you blowback? And a lot of that coming back to what I was talking about, like knowing who you are, your ability to make those decisions, your ability to deal with blowback comes down to, I know who I am. I know what my core values are. I make my decisions according to my core values. Doesn't mean I'm perfect. But if I'm doing something with a clear conscience, if it's ethical and consistent with my core values, and I've given this some thought, and people are going to criticize me or give me blowback, tough, I'm moving forward.

I love it that there's the same people that look at my schedule and go, what is a clarity break? You really need a whole morning off every month to go sit and think, right? And, you know, my staff, they're killing themselves, right? Concierge, baby, we're available. We're rocking it. We, one of our core values is, you know, exceeding expectations, which sounds generic, but we literally will exceed even what you thought you wanted from us. And we're, they're killing themselves. And they're like, man, we need a place to, this patient needs to be seen.

And on the schedule, you're taking a whole morning off, right? So they really don't understand it. And I don't expect them to, but at the same time, I need that time to step away and really have clarity because those are the same folks that when I'm getting hit left, right, left, right, left, right. And then I make a decision that affects their. lives, their livelihood, their daily in and out, you know, I've taken care of our patients and all that. They're like, well, that was the wrong decision.

I'm like, well, which one do you want? You want me to be in the weeds all the time, flying by the seat of my pants? Or do you want me to take a couple steps back and try to see the whole forest for just a minute? And it's magic to knowing who you are, why you're doing it, and then having a big picture view of what's going on while you're at the same time, taking care of the tyranny of the urgent, really, really, really putting out a good product, treating your team members like the all-stars they are.

All of that's important, but you can't, it all breaks down if you can't, if you can't, if you don't have a good solid foundation. Absolutely. And, you know, I think, you know, as you and I would agree, Obviously, it's important to value your team members. Obviously, it's important to pour into them and to make them know that they're really appreciated. But I do think that leaders need to realize that it's not that they're better than their team members. They're just different. And the analogy that I use sometimes is, you think of about a bicycle wheel.

Um, each spoke on that wheel keeps the tire inflated, right? And each member of the team is a very, very valuable spoke. But as the leader, you're the center and you have to deal with all of the spokes that are going out from the center. And so if you're not okay, the business is not okay. So it's not selfish for you to. to schedule a clarity break. In fact, I love that it's actually on the schedule. My coach, Ellen Reed, always says, if it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist. So we can say, oh, I'm gonna go have a clarity break at the end of the week.

But if it's not in your Google calendar or whatever you use, it doesn't exist, it's not gonna happen. So I love that, I love that. But no, I mean, it's not an act of selfishness for you to do that. It's an, actually it's an act of service to your team because worn out, frustrated, angry Clint is no good for his team.

Boundaries, Burnout, and Leadership Clarity 25:45

You can ask Stephanie and my team. They know. Yeah. Right. So. You won't get much of an argument. You won't get much of an argument there. Okay. Gosh, man, we could go so many ways. You know, so in this case, you've talked about, you know, your personal identity statement, knowing who you are. You know, I guess we could expound on that more if we want, you know, like, so why personal clarity fuels professional growth, right? Like, so how that expounds upon itself. Well, you know, again, I like to tie this into, Entrepreneurship is brutal.

It's funny. I almost feel like the more successful the person, the more you look behind the curtain and you're going to see all sorts of anxiety and he's very He's very forthcoming about this, but like Alex has put himself in the, Dr. Alex, my business partner has put himself in the hospital multiple times for stress, right? And so when I talk about clarity, not just about who you are, but what you want, ultimately I'm tying that to, I'm saying we should work at these things because if you do it right, it's going to, as much as possible, it's going to minimize the anxiety.

And it's, it's, it's going to help increase your performance. So, so this is the, this is the analogy that I use. Are you a sports fan? Okay. What's your favorite sport and team? Oh, well, it used to be the Cowboys, but you know, that's a sensitive subject. Right. So who, I don't even know who the coach of the Cowboys is these days. I know it used to be, is it still Mike McCarthy? No, he's gone and it might as well be Jerry Jones, but yeah, you can pick it. Pick a soul. Well, so whoever you are as the coach of the Cowboys, you obviously, when your team, let's say God forbid or God may it be true that the Cowboys make the Super Bowl.

If you're the coach of the Cowboys and your team walks onto the field, you want them to be excited. You want them to be focused. You want them to be passionate. But you don't want them to be amped up. You don't want them to be so like excited that they're jittery in order for them to really perform at their best. They have to be calm. They have to be operating from a place of ice in their veins, playing loose, focused, yes, but really playing from a place of just solid steadiness. And so that's kind of the way I look at it in my work is that my job is to help all of these really, really driven, passionate, ambitious entrepreneurs.

I don't want to say chill out. But get to a point where you're operating from a place of peace, not panic. You're operating from a place of poise and ice in your veins. And again, a lot of that is is helping people understand who they are. But then the second issue of that is to help them really understand what they want. And so because I think that being very clear about what you want and having a very clear vision of what you're trying to accomplish, if you do that right, Clint, you are going to be able to handle the anxiety.

You are going to be able to handle the overwhelm. And here's the analogy that I always use. I'll tell you a little story. So the day that I was supposed to get married, I knew I was gonna get a call. The day I was supposed to get married, I was up at six o'clock in the morning, phone rang. I said, hey honey. And she said, hey, I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous. I'm getting cold feet. And of course it was my bride calling me to tell me she was getting cold feet. I'm like, all right. So I said, I'll come over and see you.

So got dressed, went down to the coffee shop, got a cup of coffee. They're like, oh, you're up early? I go, yeah, I'm supposed to get married today. And they're like, you're supposed to get married? I go, well, I hope it happens. But my bride just called me and she's got cold feet. And they said, well, you seem worried. Or you seem, no, you don't seem worried. I go, I'm not. And she go, and then they said, why not? And I go, well, Cause I'm a really good storyteller. It's a fake kind of laughing.

I don't know what that means, but I went to see Kasia and she, she shared her, she shared her concerns. She was really nervous and everything. And her parents, you know, she, she grew up, her parents got divorced when she was little and she didn't want that to happen. And she, she just, you know, she had really high expectations for marriage and which is good. You should. So I was listening to her and. She was all worked up. And I mean, I think from one perspective, I could have been like, man, she's serious.

She's really getting these cold feet. She's full of anxiety. She's very overwhelmed. But I said, you know, when I was a youth pastor, I said, I took the kids on a trip to Colorado and we went to this camp and it had this really amazing, what do they call that, zipline. And in order to get the zipline, you had to climb up this like three story really high tower. to get there, right? And so I'm kind of afraid of heights. There's a couple of other people who are afraid of heights. And we said, no, we're going to do it.

So we, you know, it's this rope ladder and we start climbing up this tower to get to the top. And I'm getting up higher and higher and I'm like, this is really making me nervous. But I finally get to the top and then this other girl gets to the top, Kaylee. And then Sean, our mutual friend gets up to the top and he looks and he's like, I can't do this. I'm like, Sean, are you kidding me? You went through all that work and you're not going to jump off? He's like, I can't do it. So he actually climbs all the way back down, which I don't know how he didn't think that that was just as scary.

But so Kaylee goes first, she jumps off the zipline and then I go and I jump off and it's amazing. And it's in Colorado. And I said to Kasha, I said, you know what? I jumped off that zip line and all of my work was worthwhile because the adrenaline, the excitement, the scenery, the sunrise in the distance, the rolling hills, the mountains, everything was just an awesome, awesome experience. And then I turned to her and I said, you know what, I feel like you and I are at the top of this tower, right?

And then I don't know, I think it was God just gave me the ability. I said, you know what, when I look out at our life together, man, I can see. an adventure, I can see us going to Charleston, South Carolina. I can see us taking trips to Europe. I can see us having our first child and our second child. And who knows how many child, I ended up with five. And, you know, we're doing birthdays and we're doing graduations and we're experiencing all these wonderful things that are part of life. And I go, and I said, honey, you're going to miss it unless you jump.

You know, and I just sat back and I listened, I kind of looked at her and you know, she had tears in her eyes. She's like, let's go. Like I totally worked. And so what I always tell people is like, I didn't use logic to deal with her, her anxiety. I cast a vision. Yeah. Showed her what she wanted. And you know what? It has been a ride. And as you well know, marriage has its ups and downs and its challenges, and it's all about for better or for worse. But man, it's been great. And I was able to get her to overcome her anxiety and minimize her overwhelm by casting a vision.

And what I always tell entrepreneurs is, you know what? When you have a very, very clear sense of what you want, When you regularly review your vision for your personal happiness, for your relationships, for your professional success, for what you're trying to do with your clinic or your med spa, man, keep that in front of your eyes. Because if you keep that in front of your eyes, then you go, all the stuff I'm going through, It's not that big a deal. It's worth it. I'm willing to pay the price.

I'm willing to put in the extra hours. I'm willing to deal with a high maintenance employee. I'm willing to have a conversation with a disgruntled client, whatever it is, whatever the struggle is, whatever the anxiety is, it's eclipsed by having a greater vision for what you really want. I'll use another analogy. Tony Robbins actually uses this analogy. He talks about how in NASCAR, there's a significant difference between rookie drivers and veteran drivers when it comes to, there's a point when you're doing the, what, Indy 500 or whatever it is, a rookie will start, what's the word, they'll start drifting toward the barrier, right?

And what happens with a rookie when they start drifting toward the barrier on the outside wall is they'll freak and they'll look at the barrier. And what'll happen is their body will follow their gaze and they'll turn and they'll end up crashing. Whereas a veteran, when he or she feels themselves, I'll say he because most of them are he, when he feels himself drifting, he knows that his body will follow his gaze. And he keeps his vision clearly in front of him at the center of the lane. And his body sort of naturally, it's muscle memory, it naturally corrects and he gets back on the right track.

Vision, Anxiety, and Core Values 35:45

And I feel like that's what happens is that in the day-to-day grind of entrepreneurship, we get our eyes on all of these things that cause us anxiety. And the answer for that is to get our eyes back on the vision. What are we trying to do? What is it that we really want? And if we can keep our eyes on that vision, then that minimizes, that helps us to basically go, huh, all this is worth it. It's worth it. I love that God sort of like held my hand through the early years when I didn't really have a ton of vision, right?

It was just get out of the system, start taking care of people the right way. Maybe, maybe enjoy being a doctor again and just do the best we can. Meanwhile, I'm burnt out and depressed and I have my own stuff. And so as I'm getting well, physically, mentally, emotionally, and then the practice is starting to grow and then God sort of Not that he's not still in charge, but in a sense, he handed off the baton and he gave me the vision and he was like, here's where we're going. At no point did Steph and I have a vision for growth.

We were like, hey, we just need to get enough patients to make almost as much as we made in the system and we'll be great. But that vision has been inspiring and encouraging. Like we have no idea what we're doing. I mean, one, the main reason I'm in Charismatics is because like, you know, Alex has, you know, ED locations or something. And I'm looking for like my next real brick and mortar or my fourth location, if you will. And, and what's fun is like, I don't. care that I don't know how I've been given the vision and there's times where my team gets crazy frustrated because they're like, but we're already so busy and how are we going to do?

I'm like, I don't know, but I know what's going to happen. Cause that's the vision. And we're bringing on talent, we're bringing on wisdom and we're bringing on outside eyes on our business and we have a business sort of strategy and we're moving in that direction. And then basically we're prayerfully asking God to give us the eyes to see and the ears to hear where he wants us to go. But that is the only guiding principle because no one in my company has been where we're going. And so no one's like, no, no, next step we're going to do is this.

And then we're going to do that. It's like, no, just waiting on what's next. And, um, you know, just blindly following the vision. And there's times when there's, you know, we've had to learn some emotional intelligence and be okay with. little discomfort in the ranks and some confusion about the vision, but now we just keep over clarifying the values and the vision and the mission and our kingdom purpose. And while we're doing this and it's been, it's been, it's been pretty fun. Yeah. And it's, it's really exciting to find out what happens next.

And like I told God from the very beginning. If this thing goes out of business, I'm just going to go build tree houses and I'll be perfectly happy doing that. That's a great show. I don't know if you ever saw that show. You see that? No, that's how it came. I watched that show a bunch when I was burning out in the ER and I told Steph, I was like, listen, I'm out. I don't want to be an ER doctor. I don't want to be a clinic doctor in this system. It's a mess. I'm going to go build tree houses for a living.

I can build stuff. He looks like he's having a blast. Yeah. My guy's amazing. We did. So now I actually have a tree house that I built at my, at our lake property. Is that right? It's gorgeous, man. I'll have to, I'll send you a picture. It's going to be on, it'll be available to rent like next month. Anybody who wants to rent it out on BRBO, Airbnb, it's, you know, the lake house has already rented out. How many does it... Well, a lake house will sleep eight to 10, no problem. But the tree house, it's got one double bed and the loft up top and it's got a kitchenette and a shower and a toilet and an outdoor shower and a living room and a giant deck and overseas the water.

You know, 14, 15 foot up in the trees. It's amazing. Yeah. That's amazing. I love that. The point being is like, it's like, Hey, I mean, I'm just going to follow and we're going to go and God's blessing it. But if he ever changes his mind, I guess I'll just go build tree houses. You know, it's, it's a fun, it takes all the pressure off. You know, I remember in medical school, I was like, God, you got me in. You got to get me out. I, you know, I can't, I literally can't know everything on this test.

I need. Just show me what I'm supposed to know to be a good doctor and then what I need to know to make the grade on this test and let's move on. You know, you said something. I do believe that that gives a lot of pressure. Absolutely. And you said something and, and, um, this is a little bit off topic, but I think it's very relevant to entrepreneurs and to medical anesthetic entrepreneurs. And in, you know, in particular, what you just described, I think is a very, um, appropriately detached attitude like, you know what, I'm going to give this my best shot, but if not, I'll go build tree houses.

You know, there's a certain level of almost like, how would I describe it? That our attitude should be not have to do this. It should be like, I get to do this. I get to do it, you know, and I'm going to do my best shot. But, but one of the things that it was your attitude that kind of reminded me about something is that, I think one of the best ways to really deal with anxiety, particularly when it comes to finances, when it comes to your business, is you got to do everything with a clear conscience.

You have to do everything according to your core values. so that you can say at the end of the day, man, I can look myself in the mirror. I can feel good about myself. And I had something happen, and I'll share this with your audience. I had something happen. I mean, frankly, my number one paying client and I, who pays me a lot of money, he and I had a little bit of a falling out about two or three months ago. And it was a misunderstanding. But I felt like, Some things just were not consistent with the vision that I had for what I wanted to do.

And we're not consistent with our core values. And so like I walked away from a lot of money, multiple six figures. And I am not a multimillionaire like Alex. It was a significant drain of my overall income. And it just happened to be that at the time my wife has some, you know, Isn't it great about insurance? The stuff that can actually help you, like functional medicine isn't usually covered. So like I'm shucking out all this stuff for mold toxicity. And then we had some stuff with our house that wasn't covered by insurance.

So I'm like, whoa. I mean, we're fine. We're not destitute. We're not having trouble, but man, it's lean, you know, and I was getting, I'm someone who historically I don't really stress about money, but it even got to the point where I, I, in the middle of the night, I felt a little flutter and I was like, I woke up and I, I went up to get a glass of water. And I said to myself, well, I made a decision according to who I am, according to my core values. My conscience is clear. And I kind of said, well, Lord, I do like being, I do like being generous.

I do like doing nice things for people. I can't do that if I'm not making any money and if I'm barely making ends meet myself. So I, I just said to God, like, you got to fix this and make a long story short. Shortly thereafter, he and I came to understand there was a misunderstanding. And I got back on payroll. This was last week. I got back on payroll. But here's the kicker. Even though I was getting back on payroll, I was like, man, but I still went two months without that income. So that was huge.

So I was like, that's a hit. But when the money hit the bank, I was like, Whoa, that's a lot of money. And I called his wife who's the COO and I thought maybe there's some mistake. And she said, no, no, no, we're giving you back pay. So like that, it was instantly the problem was solved and then some. And I always tell people. through that whole thing, the one thing that I could really hang my hat on and the one thing that gave me a great strength and a great sense of peace was I was operating according to a clear conscience and according to core values.

And I know that most of your listeners, there's gonna be lean times and there's gonna be times where things are abundant. And through it all, you have to say, I will always conduct myself according to who I am and the core values that I maintain. And if I do that, then even in those times, you're going to minimize anxiety because you're going to feel like I can look myself in the mirror. You know, I can feel good about myself. I'm convinced of that. I'm convinced that an uneasy conscience and doing things that are not really, really who you are, they're going to mess you up.

So if you get desperate, don't start compromising your integrity. Keep your integrity and trust that things are going to work out because they will. And if they don't, you can go build tree houses. That's right, baby. If you're, if God, if God willing, cause that's the best job there is. No man, I was probably going to, I think my next question was going to be what advice would you give? I think that's a, that's a great, a great next step for people that are trying to figure out what to do next is just circle back and are you being consistent with your core values?

And is your organization or your family or you know, how you conduct yourself. Is it, are you being consistent with your core values?

Integrity, Money, and Closing Thoughts 45:45

And if so, you know, just keep plowing ahead. I mean, that's what burnout really is. Burnout isn't being overworked and tired. Burnout is being asked to do something against, that you know is wrong or against your values or being forced to, to compromise over and over and over again to the point that, you know, like I had, I was like, I'm just not going to be a doctor anymore. I mean, I'm just not going to do it. And so it's been, it's been such a blessing to watch, you know, to watch God bless that decision.

And it's not like every time you do that, it's going to, you know, I immediately, you know, I guess to be consistent with my values at the time, I paid $55,000 to leave the ER, paid another 150 grand to get into a freestanding ER company so that I could pay my bills so that I could start a practice with a membership based practice with zero patients and no location. It's like, okay. I think we're doing the right thing. Let's go. And, you know, there were years and years, and I still have a lot of my OG patients, you know, some of the originals that are like, I kind of miss the old days when you were, you know, just basically sitting around waiting on them to call.

And I'm like, yeah, I don't. Cause I was working two jobs. Steph was working two jobs. We were barely covering payroll and our own, you know, it's like, And at the same time, those are the same people that kind of miss the old days, but they're also really proud of us and what God's doing through our practice. So it's really a blessing, but that's awesome. Man, thank you so much. Any last thoughts? Anything else as we close this baby down? You know, I'll just make a couple of shameless plugs. I have a client named Morgan, and she's a great client, and she kind of does it all.

She's wife, mom. And, uh, runs a, runs a clinic in Midland, Texas. And, oh man, she's going through a series where, you know, she's growing a lot, but it's really overwhelming. And she's, she's, she's struggled for a long time. And I thought, you know what? I'm going to put everything that. I think would encourage her kind of into a letter. So I wrote a 5,000 word letter and I sent it to her and she calls me, she's like, I'm sitting here with Travis, that's her husband, and she's like, come on, I'm blown away.

I go, what do you mean? She's like, this is so incredibly helpful. I go, really? Why me? I mean, I hoped it would be, but she's like, yeah, you ought to publish this. So I did. And so it's called overcoming overwhelm and over availability syndrome. I admit that because I wrote it to a woman in business, the subtitle is a personal letter to a woman in business on how to have more peace, presence and poise. And, uh, and I've gotten some really good responses from it, but people can get a free copy of it if they go to overwhelm.com.

VaughnCohler.com. It says it's a letter to a woman, but I think it could help anybody. Of course. So, and then, of course, I always want to encourage people, if you're a medical entrepreneur of any kind, to consider joining Charismetics. But no, I appreciate you. And it's C-H-A-I, sorry, I can't remember. C-H-A-R-I-S-M-E-D-X, Charismetics. JoinCharismetics.com. Yeah, we will definitely put the, in the show notes, how to connect with you via Charismatics or the personal coaching. You know, definitely add in the letter.

That's great. Morgan, by the way, is amazing. Her husband's great too. I met him recently, but Morgan, you know, she was in Charismatics for a while and she's awesome. the the Oh, we obviously, this, this conversation could go on for days, but you know, knowing the attention span of most of us, we should probably wrap it up, but that's right. Thanks, man. Thank you so much for coming on. Um, thank you for what you do in Charismatics and in general for helping people find out basically and, and, you know, to paraphrase what, what God put them on this earth to be doing and to, you know, if you're in God's will, you can't be wrong.

So thanks, man. I appreciate you coming on and have a great day. Excellent. Thank you for tuning into Dr. Talks. We hope today's episode has enlightened and inspired you on your path to optimal health. Each day is a new opportunity to make choices that empower your wellbeing. For more insights and strategies, subscribe to our podcast and visit our website, www.DrTalks.com. Stay connected, stay healthy, and join us next time on Doctor Talks, real talks from real doctors on the issues that matter to you most.