Reignite Your Libido: A Matrix Of Desire And Arousal

Introduction to PCOS and Sexual Intimacy 0:00

Welcome to this episode of the PCOS SOS Summit. I am your host, Dr. Felice Gersh. I am so excited to introduce you to my guest, Susan Bratton. She is a renowned sexual intimacy expert. In fact, she has literally transformed millions of women's lives from simply going through the act of having sex into making love. And by the way, all you ladies out there, you are going to be glued to your seats because the information you're going to get is fantastic. We had a little preview for me before we started.

So I'm just telling you. Don't go anywhere. Women with PCOS suffer greatly in the sexual arena. They tend to have low libido problems with sexual arousal and response and often have a great deal of insecurities because of dealing with such things as acne, facial hair, thinning hair and weight challenges. So let's find out all that Susan has to share with us. But first, Susan, first of all, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me. And thank you. Oh, I'm so thrilled. And could you please share with us before we get into the nitty gritty of all this information about you?

Like, how did you get into this field and become such a renowned expert in sexual intimacy? Yeah. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me on your summit. It's such an important discussion point off topic, and I hope it always breaks my heart when health issues hold back women from having the intimacy that they crave and deserve. So what I've what I brought to you today are a whole bunch of reframes about sexuality that I think your viewers will find comforting, as well as a lot of tips and techniques and strategies for managing through PCOS. So I'm 61 now and when I was 42, I had been married for about 11 years and I was really avoiding my husband.

I didn't enjoy intercourse. I had been having intercourse with my husband for 12 years and I had never achieved a climax. And I could have I could use as a toy to get there, but I couldn't have partnered, co-created pleasure. And it was really heartbreaking experience for both of us. And we saw our friends all getting divorced and they all had jobs like we did. So we knew it wasn't the money, we knew it was the sex, and we were determined

Susan Brattonu2019s Personal Journey and the Magic Pill Method 3:08

to save our marriage and to find a way to have mutually satisfying lovemaking. We went to therapists that helped with many things, but we also went to intimacy workshops, which were very edgy and very difficult for me because even at that age I had never really even looked at my vulva in a mirror. So I was really starting at almost ground zero. I had the desire for great intimacy, but I hadn't had the experience since of it. I had fleeting moments of glimpses into what was possible, but never really had what all the other people seemed to be talking about.

And when we started going to the workshops and we worked through some issues that I'd had, our sex life got so good so fast it was almost like a light switch. And from that day, my husband and I, who were we were a Silicon Valley tech couple. We had everything it looked like, except we had we were missing that connection. We started coming back together and we said, this is so great. We need to bring this information to the Internet. And we started a publishing company called Personal Life Media almost 18 years ago.

Now this month will be married 30 years. And I'm having the best sex of my life. Felice, I can tell you that I've been through thick and thin like we all do in our marriages with health issues and frustrations with our partners and all the things, you know, vaginal pain and dryness. I mean, I've solved every problem. I'm one of those people. If there's an obstacle, I just find a way over it, through it. I want to have the best life ever. And so I really have a lot of heart for women who have any kind of pain self, you know, issues about feeling like they're not good enough or they're letting their partner down or all of the things we keep on ourselves.

It's always our fault. We always take it all on ourselves, right? And so that's where I got started. And you said and I appreciate you noting that what I like to do is transform having sex into making love because intimacy is a core part of a happy, healthy life. But there are obstacles that come up, all kinds of obstacles. And I am a believer that you can always compromise, work around or solve anything to keep your intimacy and connection going. So an example of that is one of the one of the techniques I created and I really wanted to start with this because it tells a good story is something I have called the magic pill method and the magic pill method is one day I have an email newsletter.

You probably you probably get it Felice it's I teach it's my sex tips in the newsletter and I send it out and one day I send out an email and I said, Tell me what's holding you back from having the kind of intimacy that you crave, physical intimacy that you crave, not don't email me if it's a that you don't have a partner. This is really I because it's not about dating and finding people. It's about what's holding you back. If you have a partner, what's holding you back from having the intimacy that you crave?

And I won't be able to reply to everybody because you're all going to email me back and there's going to be hundreds and hundreds of them going to read everyone. And I'm going to come back to you with some ideas. I'm going to look at it. And I got hundreds and hundreds of responses and my assistant, Marisa and I, we categorized them and sorted them and looked at everything and said, you know, there's basically just a couple of issues here. And what I realized was and I'll tell you what the issues were, what I realized was that when people run up against a health issue that lowers their libido, that tamps down their desire, that fuels their arousal process, that they kind of give up and they just stop being close to their partner.

It's like, if I can't have intercourse, then it's then we shouldn't even be touching. Maybe you need to go to sleep in the other room or I'm going to avoid you because I'm afraid you're going to want sex. And I feel so guilty about it because I can't have it with you. And that's when I created this magic pill method where and I've actually gone on television with this on doctors shows and things, and it basically teaches you to come up with an inventory list of all of the things that you used to do that you missed, that you might still be able to do the things that you feel like you can no longer do and the things that you'd like to try to get back to, if you could fix some certain specific issues, because once you identify things you can do, you can start doing them things that you can't do, and they're just off the table.

So you don't have to stress about it anymore. It's not it's going to be one of those things that's outside the sacred container of your possibility, and then you've got the things that you're like, Okay, well, maybe there are solutions for this. Let's look. My husband has ED, he can't get an erection or I've got vaginal dryness. Maybe I need to look at estrogen replacement therapy, whatever it is, we could maybe solve some of these problems. So that's it. Magicpillmethod.com. And it's something that your viewers can download and it walks you through the structured conversation and exactly how to do it in a way that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable and is very much something that's a positive momentum.

Because what I have found is that if you if you think that intercourse is sex and you stop having all intimacy, you're really robbing yourself of so much of their pleasure. And there's so many fun things that you can do that don't require you doing anything that hurts. So I wanted to really start out with just kind of a reframe about that because it it is really what happens with people. Well, I see it all the time in my practice with patients that they just distanced themselves from their partner because of the fear of sex or poor performance or they're not going to be good enough and so on.

And I love what you're doing. We all do. And in terms of some of the terms that you threw out that maybe people aren't familiar with, like what's the difference between arousal, libido, response, and what's the connection between them? I mean, do you go flow from one to the other? How does this work? Yes. So a Venn diagram is kind of like the Olympic the Olympic logo. It's three circles that intersect where you learned it if you took statistics class. And the Venn diagram is a really good visualization of what I call the libido desire arousal matrix.

You're in the middle, you have a libido. Think about that as your physical health is. It is the other side of the same coin as your lusty ness, your horniness. You want sex, your body wants to have sex. It's the body based response, sexual response. That's libido. Desire is the emotional body. How do I feel about myself? Do I feel desirable? Do I feel attractive? Am I stuck in some negative loops around body image issues? Am I attracted to my partner? Do my partner and I have a good other part of our relationship outside of the bedroom?

Or are there things maybe I'm holding anger around, something my partner's doing outside the bedroom that makes me not want to be close to them. So that's the desire piece and it always really helps you to pinpoint where your issues are. You can't fix it if you don't know what it is basically. So that's desire and then arousal. And I honestly feel like this is where we really get caught up because I talk a lot about and I know we'll go into this because this is something that we wanted to cover together today, which is the difference between matriarchal sex and patriarchal sex.

And we women, we've been having patriarchal sex. We've been having sex on men's timeframe, in tempo. We've been have everything that you see in the movies, everything an adult, all that stuff is the masculine view of sexuality, which is why going back to transforming having sex into making love women want to make love and so do their partners. They just don't have the model for it. And they live in a male body. Their testosterone dominance, they, they, they wake up horny if they're healthy. They think about sex a lot more than we do.

Because of that, they're driven to masturbate on a daily basis

Libido, Desire, and Arousal Explained 11:46

or frequently be. And we're not really we are in a much wider range of that than our male body partners. They're more frequent at it because they need to keep their sperm topped off and fresh, and they have something called fast acting hemodynamics, which is their blood flows into their penis very, very quickly. And one of the things that I love the show and I hope I have one here, I don't have one right here. Is that. Yes, I do. You have to do banana. But this is so important because you've been feeling guilty that you don't have a libido, that you don't have desire and it's often not just because you might not feel well, but because you think you're supposed to act like a man and you're not.

And I want to tell you what women's desire is really like so you can understand that you are not broken. So the way that I do that is I show you a banana and I say, okay, this is a penis. It's pretty easy to visualize that this could be your penis. 50% of the banana sticks out of his abdomen. He's got another 40 or 50% of his penis that goes in and down toward his testicles. So now you can really think about this whole thing is a banana. If I open this banana and I take the fruit right out of that whole banana worth of fruit, and then I turn it into a circle with a point on the top.

And I take the covers off your vulva, I take the skin off your vulva, and I pop that little donut that comes to a point right around your vagina, right under the skin of your vulva, your outer labia, your inner labia, your clitoral structure, your urethral structure, your perineal structure. All of that is your erectile tissue and it's as big as his banana. So you're thinking maybe in your mind that your pleasure center is this tiny little spot, the tip of your clitoris, when in actual fact, though it has 10,000 nerve endings, it's all this big bananas worth of tissue.

The thing is, it has nooks and crannies in it, so it's got little arms and plump little legs and a little shaft and a little tip and a little spongy thing. And another little spongy thing. And it's all these little parts. It takes us 20 to 30 minutes to get the blood down into our pelvic bowl and flooding into all that tissue where it takes our guy 2 to 3 minutes. So he wakes up horny, he gets a fast erection, and he's rushed to penetrate us and he thinks sex is penetration. And the problem is that sex is making love.

It's full body touch, it's kissing our cheeks and eyelids, it's stroking our clavicles and kissing our neck and stroking our arms and patting our hair and telling us we're adored and appreciated and brilliant. It's stroking our back and our bonds and our thighs. It's not just grabbing at things. It's not spin, doing dials and pushing buttons to get us going. And that's what our male body partners have been doing to us our whole lives. And we never when we've had intercourse, we've almost never been fully engorged, which is the word for having a female erection.

And so it's never been satisfying for us. That was my issue with my husband. We just didn't know and so he would penetrate me. I was barely even aroused, but I thought that was what sex was. Sex was intercourse. And then guys don't understand because we call the vagina the birth canal. And so we think about it as a, you know, as a as a tube. Well, it's a pocket. It's a little pocket, practically closed. It's got a little room in there and it's just a little tiny, funny little cave and it tense when we get aroused.

If we ever get there, it might elongate. But when we're penetrated and our partners just going in and out and in and out and aggravating our in trial sphincter the opening the little the little round muscle at the opening to our vagina which gets very sensitive when our estrogen gets low. Now he's going in and out and out and in and out. Literally. I is like, that doesn't do anything for us. It's not getting our urethral sponge, our perineal sponge. It's not killing our cervix. It's not he's he's not thinking about it like a cave that he should focus in all the spots.

It's actually all that tissue can be enlivened and awakened. And so here we are, the blind leading the blind in the dark, you know, in the dark of our bedroom, having sex like men our whole lives. And we wonder why we're not. We don't want sex. And so when we start to get into what matriarchal sex looks like, when we slow it down, when we have the touch, when we have our all of our systems activated, when we're kissed well, when our breasts are gently and delicately pleasured, when the outer labia and the man's in the clitoral hood and the inner labia are activated when the vestibule is pleasured, when the entrance to our vagina is just gently loved and not forcefully penetrated early, all of a sudden this thing we thought we had no libido and no desire.

When we get what we need, it turns out we love to have sex and we can learn how to have so many great kinds of orgasms so I think I'll stop there and let you get a word in edgewise. But that that I think is so critical for women to understand, which is why I'm so appreciative that you're willing to talk about libido, desire and arousal in your summit. Well, it's wonderful that you feel able and capable and hopefully everybody listen to that. The naming the parts is so important, and being honest about the parts were made of getting rid of those inhibitions, about discussing this with yourself and with your partner is so important.

And as you mentioned, like, you know, low estrogen. And most people don't realize that one of the problems that women with PCOS suffer, which is actually something they have in common mostly with perimenopause, because once you're in menopause, your estrogen, unless you're getting replaced, which I hope women do. You to that. Day, will have no estrogen being produced from their ovaries. But in the perimenopause, which is an ignored time of women's lives, they often will have significantly reduced estrogen.

And women with PCOS are like that because they have this problem within their ovaries that they don't conform, they don't transition the testosterone into the estrogen estradiol that the ovaries make. So they live in a body that is essentially extra deal deficient, which is so important for creating healthy blood flow and lubrication and vaginal health and so on. So like those older women, they also, while we're getting them healthy and that's what we know. We're discussing all the other different interviews, how to help them to make more estrogen and how to be healthier, but for their whole lives, they're always going to be women and they're going to be like, well, of course, most people stay women.

But in terms of what they're going to face as women, in terms of sexual arousal, desire and so on, is going to always be there with them. So this is fantastic information and to for women with PCOS to recognize that they are going to need this, like we'll say slow love, you know that it takes time and that they're not going to work on the same timeframe, the same the same timeline that men work on and that they can have wonderful sex lives and that they have the parts, they have the ability, they just need the knowledge and then work on the technique together to get it right, to find what works for you.

But one of the areas I would also love you to go into is to help women who you mentioned have some insecurities about their bodies and so on, as women are transforming their bodies into healthier bodies with PCOS, that they're helping to improve their skin and their hair, their body weight and so on. Do you have any suggestions for what they can do to have that self-love? Because it always seems to have great partner, love. You do need to have self-love. Yeah. Well, it's interesting because I love estrogen just like you do, Felice.

We are sisters in the our love of estrogen. But estrogen is a tricky little molecule

PCOS, Estrogen, and Body Image Challenges 21:08

when you think about the female of our of being. We're Homo sapiens. That is what we are. We are. We live in an animal body. We are part of the animal kingdom on this planet. And the female of us are our prey, and the male of us are predators. And for women, security is often the most important thing to us. If we don't feel we don't walk in the world feeling safe. And estrogen is is a part of what helps us keep our eye on things. We have to keep our eye out. We have to keep ourselves safe. We're vigilant.

And estrogen is the molecule of both vigilance and judgment. Men don't walk around in the world afraid and they look testosterone gives them rose colored glasses. It makes them overly confident, frankly, which is nice when you do testosterone supplementation. After you win, the first time you start testosterone supplementation, you're like, wow, boy, I feel like I feel like a bad babe now, man. I'm just like dealing with the dragons, and I've got so much more confidence. This is how men live. They live that way and we don't.

We're worry wards. We're multiple masters, we've got our eyes around on everything. It's hard for us to get out of our head and into our body. And because it's the molecule of judgment, is that a problem? Is that a problem? Is that going to hurt me? We're judgy and we're judgy about ourselves. We have it's not just Madison Avenue and advertise and airbrushing and all the Instagram filters, which I use that that make us feel bad about ourselves. It actually comes from within advertising. Just leverage is the natural affinity we have for self judgment.

It just, you know, adds fuel to that fire. And so we have body image issues. Every woman, I can tell you that even though I look at my guns, police. Wow. Unbelievable. Right? I mean, I work out every day now since I got COVID and I came back from COVID. I work out every day. And I've been doing the vast system, which is absolutely incredible, a 20 minute high intensity interval training that you don't even sweat, that uses blood flow restriction and cooling to increase your growth hormone and kind of roll back the clock, which I love, but even though I probably look as good as I did when I was in my forties at this point, from doing so much work on my health, I still have to push those thoughts out of my mind.

They still come in. Oh, your bellies coochie. Oh, are my boobs hanging out or first of all, our male body partners, they look at us and they think we're beautiful. So we're the ones that are hard on ourselves. So when we hold ourselves back from having intimacy because we have body image issues, we are cheating ourselves and our partners out of beautiful connection and pleasure that is generated by this silly little molecule that has super good benefits but has some negatives and sensuality and sexuality and intimacy.

Our mindfulness experiences when you're in your head instead of your body, when you're not flowing in the sensation, when you're not in the heart connection with your partner or just with yourself and solo pleasuring. When you're not doing these things and you're in your mind and you're allowing your mind to run the game, you have to shut her off. You have to listen to your yoni, not your brain, your yoni. Why? Oh, and AI is a beautiful term. That is a Sanskrit term for it's tantric lovemaking term for our female urogenital system.

All the parts I like the word yoni instead of vulva or vagina, because the vagina is just that little pocket and vulva is really the outer face. It doesn't include things like the the G-spot, which is not really a spot. It's a long tube, a long noodle, a spongy tissue of pleasure. It doesn't really take into account all the parts to me. And so I love to use the word yoni. And the more that yeah, and this is another tip for I don't know what I want, I just know what I'm getting, isn't it? Your body does know what she wants.

Your yoni is talking to you and it's not into wishin it's felt sense. You feel into your body. And she'll tell you all the time what she's wanting during any lovemaking session. Ooh, that's too hard. Oh, I don't want a finger in there at this point. I'm not ready. Ah. Oh, I really like it. When you were stroking across my moms. This is why it's nice to know the names of all of the parts so you can tell your partner what you like. Please give me a yoni massage. I'd like a yoni massage tonight. Give your partner time to learn how to pleasure you with his hands and really just take advantage of all of that relaxation and blood flow which brings engorgement, which brings arousal, which helps you get turned on, which helps you opened your pleasure.

And so I'd say that body image is a mindfulness game. Just every time you start to go there, bring back to self-love. Oh, I love that and I love those terms. And everyone should listen again and and make them part of your vocabulary, because this is a wonderful way of being able to ask what you want for. And everyone will have their own little language that they can communicate with, because communication with your partner is apparently, obviously incredibly important for both people to be happy.

And and in this not just sexual environment, but loving environment. So now that everyone has a best, much better idea of what on earth is involved in this whole process, do you have any tips like maybe you showed us at Banana? Well, that is a good demo. What about practical tools? Yeah. Do you have any in your toolbox there that you can pull out? Yes, I always call it Susan's sexy show and tell. And I've brought three things to show you today that I think are very, very, very helpful. I always like.

So there's a couple of things that I like about sexuality. One is the phrase a little hinge that swings big doors. I really like that. I can teach you something very simple that you can easily do that will have a giant and profound impact on your pleasure and your sense of your own sexuality. And the other piece that I also like about sex is that I jokingly say that if sex were a brand, it's tagline would be Sex. There's always something more sex. And your sexuality, if you allow them to be, are part of your personal growth.

And we're not taught how to make love. That's why I do what I do. I want people to have these little hinges that swing big doors, these little techniques that make a big, profound difference in their comfort, their confidence and their satisfaction. And and good sex is a three legged stool, which is the most stable base you can make is a three legged stool. The first leg is techniques, learning techniques. You can learn, pleasuring skills. You can learn the 20 ways you can achieve orgasm. There's so many things you can learn there.

Then there's communication, bedroom communication in bedroom communication. It's knowing that you're different every day. You're on a 28 day cycle. Even after menopause, we run with the moon. And so we want something different. Yoni wants something different every day, even within a lovemaking date, you know you're with your lover an hour or two, massaging, yoni massage, kissing, pleasuring each other. You know, it's not a rush. It's a it's a journey, it's not a destination. And

Practical Tools for Better Pleasure and Vaginal Health 29:38

what's nice about that is when you start to tune into yourself and you have this ease of asking your partner what for what you want, and they understand that you're different every day. You've explained, Look, I don't know what I'm going to want. I'm just going to tell you, and we're going to have fun with whatever we can do. Let's just do what we can do. When you enter into that level of communication and then you enter into sensual talk bedroom communication, that's also very nice. It doesn't have to be dirty.

What we want as women is to be encouraged and appreciated. That's what we want and what our if we have male body partner, what he wants is to be respected and he wants to win. He doesn't care what the job is. He just wants to do a good job. So you tell him what the job is and he does it, and then you just make a fuss over it. That's the winning combination. The third leg of the stool is the sexual health piece. Intimate Wellness. That's your regenerative therapies, that's your estrogen replacement, your nitric oxide supplementation, getting your family waves.

I prefer the acoustic wave technologies over the CO2 lasers. I find them too damaging. That's a last ditch effort as far as I'm concerned. The Femi Waves are the way to go now. It's a new technology, an acoustic wave. And you want to use a tool that I love that I want to show you. It's a vagina device. This goes inside the vagina. It's it's made by a woman owned company. And what it does, I'm turning it on you. You put this in, and if this looks like it might not fit inside you, you have to work it in very slowly.

Over time, Rome wasn't built in a day. Some women have a lot of laxity that's created a collapse. Or some women say, I feel like I'm fuzed together down there. Some people some women say, Oh my God, it feels like it's wide open. How do I fix that? And all of these things are about pelvic health, vaginal tissue, health. It's keeping everything going. And what this device does, it's a vaginadevice.com. And what it does is it uses photo, bio modulation, red light therapy, intra vaginally inside the vagina.

It also has I don't know if you can hear it. I'll hold it to the microphone. Can you hear it? It's very, very quiet. You probably can't even hear it. It's very quiet. But I can hear it. It's it's it's vibrating in my hands. And that vibration helps with the Kegel toning. And then it has warmth. I think that's my favorite part is it gets warm and the warmth helps recology rate the vaginal mucosal lining. So it helps bring more tissue. You need a lot of lining because your blood plasma seeps through that lining and wets you and lubricates you.

So if the linings, then you're not going to get the same amount of lubrication. You would have got a thicker amount of tissue holding in more moisture and bringing in more moisture. And I also like that the red light reestablishes good glycogen levels in the vagina. So for women who are like it doesn't smell like it, I want it to I don't test positive for bacterial vaginosis or yeast overgrowth, but how the good bacteria eat the glycogen, it's a sugar that they like that makes them grow. And so this helps kind of get that vaginal microbiome in good shape again.

So this helps with reversing incontinence, helping with the vagina, lubrication. And what I also like about it is that if you are having intercourse with your partner, if you are able to have intercourse, I kind of think about this is pre foreplay. If I know I'm going to have intercourse with my partner at night, I'll do this in the morning because what it's doing is it's bringing a lot of blood flow up inside the vagina. And I love that. So the vagina devices are really an at home FDA class to device.

It's mostly sold through Ghana called Ghana got ecological offices but you can buy a direct from the company vagina device to come. I just can't recommend this enough. This in combination with the Femi Wade is a fantastic one two punch for ageless sexuality because I believe that in addition to you know, if you're focused on your longevity, working on your health span is so important, staying healthy longer. But let's also expand our sex span so we can have good intimacy for the rest of our lives.

So that's number one. Number two is a brand of product that I really like, and it's called Foria, like Euphoria or try FOIA. And this is an intimacy oil that has wonderful product, wonderful ingredients, organic MCT oil, broad CBD, and that's it. There's nothing else in here. I like CBD because it's non psychoactive from the cannabis plant that allows you to hook those receptors to bring pain down. So I really love that in combination with something they call their awaken arousal oil, which you just use a couple.

This is this is a lubricant. This is an arousal oil. That's not one of those warming oils that you get at the drugstore that has a lot of chemicals in it. It actually smells a little bit like, oh, I don't know. It's it has cardamom and cinnamon in it and it smells so beautiful. It has A.C., MCT oil, the hemp extract, the CBD, kava root, cinnamon, ginger, vanilla, and the essential oils of cardamom, peppermint and kakao, all organic. This kind of helps you. So here's an interesting thing, Dr. Dan Wise.

Do you know Dr. Dan Wise I don't. But now I do want to. She's wonderful. She's some great books out. She's done a lot of FMR I MRI research on the mind body connection between our vulva, our yoni and our brain. And what she said is that in the MRI you can light up the places in your brain that when you touch your clitoris, when you touch your vat, your vaginal opening and inside your vagina, when you touch your cervix and when you touch your outer labia and when you touch your breasts and nipples and when you touch your tongue and lips, those areas are all interconnected.

They are another three legged stool. The mouth, the breasts, the yoni is another solid three legged stool. When you touch them, they light these parts of the brain. When you think about touching them, it lights up parts of the brain. So when you use this awakening oil, what you're actually doing is you're making a mind body connection. You're like, Oh, I'm feeling that sensation. And that starts lighting up your brain even better than just touching it. So like that. And then they have this intimacy oil that is a breast oil and this one kind of smell is to me like pine, a little piney, and it has the Msi2 oil and the CBD, it has Calendula Yarrow, Violet leaf, dandelion leaf, a little castor oil, pine, orange, lavender and frankincense, essential oils, all organic.

And one of the things that I love for women who feel like their libido is low, their desire is diminished, and that they have trouble getting aroused. I always say, start with breast massage, breast massage, learn to love your breasts because when you love yourself, it sends a signal to your whole body, This is what work this is. This is the bio energetics. This is the mine and matter connection. This is when we start to heal our sexual wounds by really loving ourself in a place to start is by our heart, by just massaging our breasts or having our partner.

I like to lie back against my man and watch a TV show, a rom com or something in bed. And I give them, I drip the oil on my boobs and he reaches around and he just pleasures my breasts while we're just watching a show. And it's a way that I feel good. It gets me in my body. It gives me more, some sense, some, some sensuality. It starts to awaken my yoni. And oftentimes I'll say, Oh, I think, I'd like to turn the show off and have a yoni massage now. And of course he obliges with a beautiful yoni massage.

And so one of the things that I always tell men, men who are like, I never get enough sex. I am always asking and begging for sex. And I say, Start with breasts, massages and yoni massages. Give them unlimited. You get unlimited yoni massages and you get unlimited adoration. Any time you want more adoration from me, just ask. I won't run out. I'll keep coming up with new ones. I'll even give you out operations while I'm giving you a breast or yoni massage. And when you start giving her all of this verbal love and all of this pleasuring without expecting anything in return, you will start getting the best sex of your life.

You will get that intercourse you want because she never got the things she needed because she didn't that she was playing by the patriarchal way of sex instead of the matriarchal sex. So I got one last thing for you. I know we need to wrap up. Can I do the one last show and tell? Yes, go ahead. Go for. It. Last thing also are these intimacy melts. I love these little these are vaginal suppositories with the CBD, the CBD and the MQTT. And I love those. So this is my last thing I want to show you.

This is my new wand that I am absolutely crazy about. One of the things that I like to talk about is activating the yoni. The yoni so many women have never been touched beyond, I'm going to do something to your clitoral tip and I'm going to stick something in you. And we're shy and we we've been penetrated so early and fast and it's too much for us. So we got to take back our territory. And this is the take back your territory. If this is the inside, this is the outside. And what I love, my new wand is that the magic wand that your mom used, the old mom's massager, that thing.

When I put that on my genitals, I've got very large labia and they go, I don't like that they've this company, Fun Factory has recreated my new wand that I love that penetrates deeply into the vulva tissue. So what I recommend for women is to turn this on, lie down, you can do it or your partner can do it. I recommend you do it to start and rub across the man's because the man's is like the gate, the floodgates to your yoni. That tissue above on where you pubic hair runs across the top of your vulva is how a big way of how the blood flow and the plasma gets into the pelvis to get all the tissue engorged so you have your lady erection, you've got to massage that.

And the outer labia are actually a part of your clitoris. They're the legs of your clitoris called the vestibular bulbs. And so running this massager with these beautiful patterns and beautiful feeling all around the outside, not just right on the clitoral glans itself, but all around the outside gets everything, plumped up and engorged and brings the blood flow in and it feels fantastic on the clitoral shaft and clitoral tip. So you can use this for soloing pleasure, but you can also use this during lovemaking.

So you can put this on the clitoris while you're having intercourse or oral pleasuring or whatever you want to do, manual pleasuring. And this will really activate a level of orgasmic, intensive tape that you may have forgotten existed. And when you're running this vibration on all this tissue and activating it, you're feeling that pleasure and creating that mind body connection. And it's spreading your pleasure potential to a greater part of your vulva rather than just being focused on the clitoris or the or the vaginal opening or canal.

Resources, Further Learning, and Closing Remarks 43:28

And so then it becomes easier for you to achieve, satisfy action during during love play. So these three tools the the are good quality pleasurable oil an intra vaginal biohacking device and a good pleasure tool are going to really help you have more libido desire and and get you up the arousal ladder in a way that you may have never had before. Well, that is fantastic information. And the way that I'm sort of gathering all the information that you gave out together is that women are definitely not men.

They are way more complex and that have desire. If you're a man, it just comes with the territory. You don't have to work at it at all. But when you're a woman, you're just different and you have to accept that and also embrace it. That to develop desire as a woman really involves a just a more complex set of, you know, circumstance says we need to understand our bodies are not just one spot and that you have to work to create health in all of the body and that the sensual sexual parts of the body is really the whole body, that you can't just focus like, like you said, on just the clitoris and the vagina as a tube to hold that penis that so many areas of the female body can be part of the intimacy experience to develop in men's pleasure with your partner.

But your partner needs to know this because they, you know, probably don't. So now you take this information and you can then share it with your partner and you have so many more tools to work with. I mean, I talk about the importance of vaginal health and the glycogen and the vaginal microbiome, which is challenged in women with PCOS. And now here's another tool to help and the sensitivity of the tissues may be reduced in women with PCOS, just as in aging women. And now you have some more tools and you know, the pleasuring devices like you showed is amazing.

So I'm sure so many of our viewers have so many more issues, questions they want to deal with. So how can they get more information, Susan? This is just the beginning. So how can they learn more? Well, I hope I've wet their appetite, that's for sure. I think the best thing to do. You can always get on my set, my sex newsletter at BetterLover.com and reply to any email that you get from me and with any questions that you have. And I will personally reply. I'll always acknowledge that I received your email.

It might take me a day, a week to get back to you because I get a lot. But it is my pleasure to. Do that and that's it betterlover.com You can also follow me on Instagram and if it's a very brief question, you can direct message me. I'm at: susanbratton my name, but if it's a complex thing, I think it's best to go on to Better Lover and then email me from there. Also at BetterLover.com, there's how to make love to a mature woman. There's passionate love making step by step. There's how to give a yoni massage and also how to give a lingam massage so that if intercourse is off the table for you and you're working on your magic pill method, I think that it's also really good to learn how to give your partner that kind of pleasure.

So the lingam is the penis in Sanskrit and I think that's a pretty word to. Oh, that is such a great toolbox that you just offered there to help every woman with or without PCOS, because I'm sure all of you looking at this amazing talk and say, I have PCOS, but I have friends, I have sisters, I have others in my family who would definitely benefit because this is information every woman should be able to access. So thank you so much, Susan. This was fantastic. And it's a topic that just doesn't get the light of day, doesn't see the light of day enough.

So thank you so much for joining me and educating all of us on how to not just have sex, which may not be always pleasurable, but how to have love and joy and the intimacy we all deserve. Thank you so much.