Full Transcript Introduction to the matrix 0:03 Hello and a warm welcome to our live 0:03 Hello and a warm welcome to our live event today with myself Ashot Gupta the 0:05 event today with myself Ashot Gupta the 0:06 event today with myself Ashot Gupta the founder and CEO of the Gupta program. 0:08 founder and CEO of the Gupta program. 0:08 founder and CEO of the Gupta program. So, I'm really delighted that you've 0:10 So, I'm really delighted that you've 0:10 So, I'm really delighted that you've spent your time today coming on to our 0:12 spent your time today coming on to our 0:12 spent your time today coming on to our live event where we're going to be 0:13 live event where we're going to be 0:14 live event where we're going to be talking about the trauma protection 0:16 talking about the trauma protection 0:16 talking about the trauma protection matrix, uh, which is our most ambitious 0:20 matrix, uh, which is our most ambitious 0:20 matrix, uh, which is our most ambitious project yet to really look at mapping 0:23 project yet to really look at mapping 0:23 project yet to really look at mapping our childhood experiences right through 0:26 our childhood experiences right through 0:26 our childhood experiences right through to uh, how that then impacts on our 0:29 to uh, how that then impacts on our 0:29 to uh, how that then impacts on our nervous system, our immune system, and 0:31 nervous system, our immune system, and 0:31 nervous system, our immune system, and then physical symptoms and creating an 0:33 then physical symptoms and creating an 0:33 then physical symptoms and creating an entire matrix, an entire map of how this 0:36 entire matrix, an entire map of how this 0:36 entire matrix, an entire map of how this all fits together. And so as we go 0:38 all fits together. And so as we go 0:38 all fits together. And so as we go through today's presentation, I hope 0:40 through today's presentation, I hope 0:40 through today's presentation, I hope that some light bulb moments will occur 0:42 that some light bulb moments will occur 0:42 that some light bulb moments will occur for you that you'll have those ahas of 0:44 for you that you'll have those ahas of 0:44 for you that you'll have those ahas of ah this is what's I've been 0:46 ah this is what's I've been 0:46 ah this is what's I've been experiencing. And for me, personal 0:48 experiencing. And for me, personal 0:48 experiencing. And for me, personal development is all about self-awareness. 0:51 development is all about self-awareness. 0:51 development is all about self-awareness. It's all about becoming more and more 0:52 It's all about becoming more and more 0:52 It's all about becoming more and more aware of that which is unconscious 0:55 aware of that which is unconscious 0:55 aware of that which is unconscious within us, putting the spotlight on it 0:57 within us, putting the spotlight on it 0:57 within us, putting the spotlight on it and bringing it to conscious awareness. 1:00 and bringing it to conscious awareness. 1:00 and bringing it to conscious awareness. And that's what we'll be covering in 1:01 And that's what we'll be covering in 1:01 And that's what we'll be covering in today's live session. And just to give a
Personal story and context 1:04 today's live session. And just to give a 1:04 today's live session. And just to give a bit of background to what we'll be 1:05 bit of background to what we'll be 1:05 bit of background to what we'll be covering today. So as you know or many 1:08 covering today. So as you know or many 1:08 covering today. So as you know or many of you know my background is that I 1:10 of you know my background is that I 1:10 of you know my background is that I suffered from a chronic health condition 1:12 suffered from a chronic health condition 1:12 suffered from a chronic health condition many years ago. I suffered from chronic 1:13 many years ago. I suffered from chronic 1:13 many years ago. I suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome or me in the late 90s. 1:16 fatigue syndrome or me in the late 90s. 1:16 fatigue syndrome or me in the late 90s. And it's been a 25- year journey from 1:19 And it's been a 25- year journey from 1:19 And it's been a 25- year journey from healing and recovering myself, setting 1:21 healing and recovering myself, setting 1:21 healing and recovering myself, setting up a clinic to treat others, and then 1:23 up a clinic to treat others, and then 1:23 up a clinic to treat others, and then setting up the well-known 1:24 setting up the well-known 1:24 setting up the well-known neuroplasticity program, the Gupta 1:26 neuroplasticity program, the Gupta 1:26 neuroplasticity program, the Gupta program. And then since then, we've 1:28 program. And then since then, we've 1:28 program. And then since then, we've published seven clinical studies, six of 1:30 published seven clinical studies, six of 1:30 published seven clinical studies, six of which have been independent to show that 1:33 which have been independent to show that 1:33 which have been independent to show that this type of approach really can support 1:35 this type of approach really can support 1:35 this type of approach really can support people with chronic health conditions. 1:38 people with chronic health conditions. 1:38 people with chronic health conditions. And we spent these 25 30 years really 1:41 And we spent these 25 30 years really 1:41 And we spent these 25 30 years really understanding the psychonuroimological 1:43 understanding the psychonuroimological 1:43 understanding the psychonuroimological basis for chronic health conditions. 1:46 basis for chronic health conditions. 1:46 basis for chronic health conditions. what it's at the root cause because 1:49 what it's at the root cause because 1:49 what it's at the root cause because what's so interesting is that Kaiser 1:51 what's so interesting is that Kaiser 1:51 what's so interesting is that Kaiser Permanente did actually a study. They 1:53 Permanente did actually a study. They 1:53 Permanente did actually a study. They looked at people who'd been through 1:54 looked at people who'd been through 1:54 looked at people who'd been through trauma and they found that those who had 1:56 trauma and they found that those who had 1:56 trauma and they found that those who had experienced trauma were twice as likely 1:59 experienced trauma were twice as likely 1:59 experienced trauma were twice as likely to get an inflammatory condition later 2:01 to get an inflammatory condition later 2:01 to get an inflammatory condition later in life or get these kind of persistent 2:04 in life or get these kind of persistent 2:04 in life or get these kind of persistent health symptoms which were very 2:06 health symptoms which were very 2:06 health symptoms which were very difficult to have a root cause to. And 2:08 difficult to have a root cause to. And 2:08 difficult to have a root cause to. And so therefore this is affecting more and 2:11 so therefore this is affecting more and 2:11 so therefore this is affecting more and more people in the population. Those 2:13 more people in the population. Those 2:13 more people in the population. Those common symptoms of fatigue, pain, deep 2:16 common symptoms of fatigue, pain, deep 2:16 common symptoms of fatigue, pain, deep exhaustion, 2:18 exhaustion, 2:18 exhaustion, some immune symptoms like sore throats 2:20 some immune symptoms like sore throats 2:20 some immune symptoms like sore throats and difficulty thinking, concentrating. 2:23 and difficulty thinking, concentrating. 2:23 and difficulty thinking, concentrating. All of these are symptoms we now see 2:24 All of these are symptoms we now see 2:24 All of these are symptoms we now see more and more in the population. And we 2:26 more and more in the population. And we 2:26 more and more in the population. And we believe it's down to a disregulated 2:28 believe it's down to a disregulated 2:28 believe it's down to a disregulated nervous system that may be coming also 2:30 nervous system that may be coming also 2:30 nervous system that may be coming also at its roots from past experiences. 2:33 at its roots from past experiences. 2:33 at its roots from past experiences. Now, as we go through today's 2:35 Now, as we go through today's 2:35 Now, as we go through today's presentation, what's really important is 2:37 presentation, what's really important is 2:38 presentation, what's really important is that you recognize this is 2:39 that you recognize this is 2:39 that you recognize this is forformational purposes only. This is 2:41 forformational purposes only. This is 2:41 forformational purposes only. This is not a substitute for medical diagnosis 2:43 not a substitute for medical diagnosis 2:43 not a substitute for medical diagnosis or treatment or working with a 2:45 or treatment or working with a 2:45 or treatment or working with a therapist. This is just for information. 2:47 therapist. This is just for information. 2:48 therapist. This is just for information. And if at any point you notice that some 2:50 And if at any point you notice that some 2:50 And if at any point you notice that some of the content that we go through 2:52 of the content that we go through 2:52 of the content that we go through actually might be creating some emotions 2:55 actually might be creating some emotions 2:55 actually might be creating some emotions within you, maybe triggering little 2:57 within you, maybe triggering little 2:57 within you, maybe triggering little experiences within you, it's really 2:59 experiences within you, it's really 2:59 experiences within you, it's really important that you then perhaps pause 3:01 important that you then perhaps pause 3:01 important that you then perhaps pause watching, ground yourself with some deep 3:04 watching, ground yourself with some deep 3:04 watching, ground yourself with some deep breaths and reach out to someone that 3:06 breaths and reach out to someone that 3:06 breaths and reach out to someone that can support you. And so if you feel that 3:09 can support you. And so if you feel that 3:09 can support you. And so if you feel that you might be easily triggered by talking 3:11 you might be easily triggered by talking 3:12 you might be easily triggered by talking about experiences from our past, then 3:14 about experiences from our past, then 3:14 about experiences from our past, then it's best that you don't necessarily 3:15 it's best that you don't necessarily 3:15 it's best that you don't necessarily watch this, but um perhaps take some of 3:17 watch this, but um perhaps take some of 3:17 watch this, but um perhaps take some of the key information from someone else, 3:19 the key information from someone else, 3:19 the key information from someone else, perhaps one of our clinicians and 3:21 perhaps one of our clinicians and 3:21 perhaps one of our clinicians and coaches who can guide you through this 3:23 coaches who can guide you through this 3:23 coaches who can guide you through this kind of content. So I just want to put 3:24 kind of content. So I just want to put 3:24 kind of content. So I just want to put that that warning there that if you know 3:26 that that warning there that if you know 3:26 that that warning there that if you know that you have uh past trauma that this 3:29 that you have uh past trauma that this 3:29 that you have uh past trauma that this is very much near the surface, it might 3:31 is very much near the surface, it might 3:31 is very much near the surface, it might be better to work with one of our 3:32 be better to work with one of our 3:32 be better to work with one of our coaches versus watching an experience 3:35 coaches versus watching an experience 3:35 coaches versus watching an experience like this. Okay. 3:37 like this. Okay. 3:37 like this. Okay. And of course, we'd love for you to like 3:39 And of course, we'd love for you to like 3:39 And of course, we'd love for you to like and share this particular video. Please 3:42 and share this particular video. Please 3:42 and share this particular video. Please do subscribe to our channel so that you 3:44 do subscribe to our channel so that you 3:44 do subscribe to our channel so that you can benefit from more of the type of 3:46 can benefit from more of the type of 3:46 can benefit from more of the type of content that we'll be sharing today. And 3:49 content that we'll be sharing today. And 3:49 content that we'll be sharing today. And once again, this is such important 3:50 once again, this is such important 3:50 once again, this is such important content. I I was reflecting on this 3:52 content. I I was reflecting on this 3:52 content. I I was reflecting on this today and actually the content we're 3:54 today and actually the content we're 3:54 today and actually the content we're going to go through is relevant to 3:55 going to go through is relevant to 3:55 going to go through is relevant to everybody on this planet because even if 3:57 everybody on this planet because even if 3:58 everybody on this planet because even if someone hasn't experienced trauma in 3:59 someone hasn't experienced trauma in 3:59 someone hasn't experienced trauma in their past, they certainly have 4:01 their past, they certainly have 4:01 their past, they certainly have experiences which may be mild but still 4:04 experiences which may be mild but still 4:04 experiences which may be mild but still impact on their personality traits, 4:06 impact on their personality traits, 4:06 impact on their personality traits, their parts, their way of interacting 4:09 their parts, their way of interacting 4:09 their parts, their way of interacting with others. So the content that we go 4:10 with others. So the content that we go 4:10 with others. So the content that we go through is really I think 4:14 through is really I think 4:14 through is really I think uh uniquely applyable to every 4:17 uh uniquely applyable to every 4:17 uh uniquely applyable to every situation, every person and these 4:19 situation, every person and these 4:19 situation, every person and these influences still make a difference. 4:21 influences still make a difference. 4:21 influences still make a difference. Okay, so let's jump in and as you know
Understanding childhood trauma 4:23 Okay, so let's jump in and as you know 4:23 Okay, so let's jump in and as you know we're going to be having this half an 4:25 we're going to be having this half an 4:25 we're going to be having this half an hour live event and then what we're 4:26 hour live event and then what we're 4:26 hour live event and then what we're going to do is jump on Zoom for a Q&A 4:28 going to do is jump on Zoom for a Q&A 4:28 going to do is jump on Zoom for a Q&A afterwards and our team will share the 4:30 afterwards and our team will share the 4:30 afterwards and our team will share the Zoom link so you can have an interactive 4:32 Zoom link so you can have an interactive 4:32 Zoom link so you can have an interactive Q&A with myself and my team and that 4:34 Q&A with myself and my team and that 4:34 Q&A with myself and my team and that then deepens the knowledge that we're 4:36 then deepens the knowledge that we're 4:36 then deepens the knowledge that we're going through. Okay. So, in terms of our 4:41 going through. Okay. So, in terms of our 4:42 going through. Okay. So, in terms of our starting point, we're going to be 4:44 starting point, we're going to be 4:44 starting point, we're going to be talking about how our early relational 4:47 talking about how our early relational 4:47 talking about how our early relational stress and developmental stress imprints 4:49 stress and developmental stress imprints 4:49 stress and developmental stress imprints on the brain. And often these are called 4:52 on the brain. And often these are called 4:52 on the brain. And often these are called ACEs or adverse childhood experiences. 4:56 ACEs or adverse childhood experiences. 4:56 ACEs or adverse childhood experiences. And what that means is when we go 4:58 And what that means is when we go 4:58 And what that means is when we go through experiences, certain emotions 5:01 through experiences, certain emotions 5:01 through experiences, certain emotions come up. And an emotion is designed to 5:04 come up. And an emotion is designed to 5:04 come up. And an emotion is designed to give us a message or a warning. So 5:07 give us a message or a warning. So 5:07 give us a message or a warning. So emotions aren't bad. They are simply 5:09 emotions aren't bad. They are simply 5:09 emotions aren't bad. They are simply messages. They help us to navigate the 5:12 messages. They help us to navigate the 5:12 messages. They help us to navigate the world around us. Yeah. And so when an 5:15 world around us. Yeah. And so when an 5:15 world around us. Yeah. And so when an emotion comes up, it's designed to give 5:16 emotion comes up, it's designed to give 5:16 emotion comes up, it's designed to give us a message to then be processed so 5:19 us a message to then be processed so 5:19 us a message to then be processed so we've understood its message and then 5:21 we've understood its message and then 5:21 we've understood its message and then released. Yeah. So it's the coming and 5:23 released. Yeah. So it's the coming and 5:23 released. Yeah. So it's the coming and going of emotions. They're not designed 5:25 going of emotions. They're not designed 5:25 going of emotions. They're not designed to get stuck or linger. But when an 5:28 to get stuck or linger. But when an 5:28 to get stuck or linger. But when an emotion sometimes comes along, if it's 5:30 emotion sometimes comes along, if it's 5:30 emotion sometimes comes along, if it's quite intense, a child may not have the 5:34 quite intense, a child may not have the 5:34 quite intense, a child may not have the resources to deal with that emotion. 5:37 resources to deal with that emotion. 5:37 resources to deal with that emotion. It's perhaps too scary, too intense. 5:41 It's perhaps too scary, too intense. 5:41 It's perhaps too scary, too intense. Yeah. And that emotion may come from a 5:43 Yeah. And that emotion may come from a 5:43 Yeah. And that emotion may come from a wide variety of different experiences. 5:45 wide variety of different experiences. 5:45 wide variety of different experiences. So along a scale, it can be anything 5:47 So along a scale, it can be anything 5:47 So along a scale, it can be anything from mild neglect to moderate to then 5:52 from mild neglect to moderate to then 5:52 from mild neglect to moderate to then moving on to certain types of abuse or 5:54 moving on to certain types of abuse or 5:54 moving on to certain types of abuse or bullying right through to full-blown 5:57 bullying right through to full-blown 5:57 bullying right through to full-blown traumatic experiences. It can be 5:59 traumatic experiences. It can be 5:59 traumatic experiences. It can be anywhere along that scale. And that 6:01 anywhere along that scale. And that 6:01 anywhere along that scale. And that might be how a child interacts with a 6:04 might be how a child interacts with a 6:04 might be how a child interacts with a parent or caregiver or a sibling. It 6:07 parent or caregiver or a sibling. It 6:07 parent or caregiver or a sibling. It might be certain traumatic experiences 6:10 might be certain traumatic experiences 6:10 might be certain traumatic experiences that they go through. It can be where 6:12 that they go through. It can be where 6:12 that they go through. It can be where they've had too much responsibilities as 6:14 they've had too much responsibilities as 6:14 they've had too much responsibilities as a child or there have been certain 6:16 a child or there have been certain 6:16 a child or there have been certain experiences the mother or father have 6:18 experiences the mother or father have 6:18 experiences the mother or father have gone through that they've had to then 6:20 gone through that they've had to then 6:20 gone through that they've had to then support which can all develop and leave 6:22 support which can all develop and leave 6:22 support which can all develop and leave these imprints in the brain. And we 6:25 these imprints in the brain. And we 6:26 these imprints in the brain. And we often say that uh there are two brain 6:27 often say that uh there are two brain 6:27 often say that uh there are two brain structures that we talk about a lot. The 6:29 structures that we talk about a lot. The 6:29 structures that we talk about a lot. The amydala and the insula cortex. And these 6:32 amydala and the insula cortex. And these 6:32 amydala and the insula cortex. And these two brain structures, we believe that 6:33 two brain structures, we believe that 6:33 two brain structures, we believe that the baseline calibration of those 6:36 the baseline calibration of those 6:36 the baseline calibration of those structures occurs through various 6:38 structures occurs through various 6:38 structures occurs through various different experiences from uh the 6:40 different experiences from uh the 6:40 different experiences from uh the birthing experiences, the first five 6:42 birthing experiences, the first five 6:42 birthing experiences, the first five years of life when our brain is very 6:45 years of life when our brain is very 6:45 years of life when our brain is very malleable. It's changing a lot. It's 6:47 malleable. It's changing a lot. It's 6:47 malleable. It's changing a lot. It's learning a lot and the imprints are 6:49 learning a lot and the imprints are 6:49 learning a lot and the imprints are deeper in the first 5 to 10 years. 6:52 deeper in the first 5 to 10 years. 6:52 deeper in the first 5 to 10 years. And that emotional calibration then 6:54 And that emotional calibration then 6:54 And that emotional calibration then impacts on us for the rest of our lives. 6:56 impacts on us for the rest of our lives. 6:56 impacts on us for the rest of our lives. But the good news is that first of all 6:59 But the good news is that first of all 7:00 But the good news is that first of all our genes are not our destiny but also 7:02 our genes are not our destiny but also 7:02 our genes are not our destiny but also our experiences are not our destiny. Our 7:06 our experiences are not our destiny. Our 7:06 our experiences are not our destiny. Our traumas are not our destiny. Our past is 7:08 traumas are not our destiny. Our past is 7:08 traumas are not our destiny. Our past is not our destiny. That through the power 7:10 not our destiny. That through the power 7:10 not our destiny. That through the power of neuroplasticity we can retrain the 7:12 of neuroplasticity we can retrain the 7:12 of neuroplasticity we can retrain the brain out of these past experiences or 7:15 brain out of these past experiences or 7:15 brain out of these past experiences or these residues of memories from our past 7:18 these residues of memories from our past 7:18 these residues of memories from our past and actually retrain and reframe the way 7:20 and actually retrain and reframe the way 7:20 and actually retrain and reframe the way that we then interact with people in the 7:22 that we then interact with people in the 7:22 that we then interact with people in the present day as adults. And some would 7:25 present day as adults. And some would 7:25 present day as adults. And some would say that's the a foundational aspect of 7:27 say that's the a foundational aspect of 7:27 say that's the a foundational aspect of our personal growth and development is 7:29 our personal growth and development is 7:29 our personal growth and development is letting go of that which no longer 7:31 letting go of that which no longer 7:31 letting go of that which no longer serves us. Releasing those trapped 7:34 serves us. Releasing those trapped 7:34 serves us. Releasing those trapped emotions and recognizing that 7:36 emotions and recognizing that 7:36 emotions and recognizing that experiences from the past do not have to 7:38 experiences from the past do not have to 7:38 experiences from the past do not have to determine our current present day 7:41 determine our current present day 7:41 determine our current present day interactions. 7:43 interactions. 7:43 interactions. And these emotions traditionally have 7:45 And these emotions traditionally have 7:45 And these emotions traditionally have been seen in a psychological 7:46 been seen in a psychological 7:46 been seen in a psychological perspective. And you know when you go to 7:49 perspective. And you know when you go to 7:49 perspective. And you know when you go to hospital there's a separate psychology 7:50 hospital there's a separate psychology 7:50 hospital there's a separate psychology department over here, a separate 7:52 department over here, a separate 7:52 department over here, a separate immunology department over here etc. But 7:54 immunology department over here etc. But 7:54 immunology department over here etc. But the way we look at it here at the Gupta 7:56 the way we look at it here at the Gupta 7:56 the way we look at it here at the Gupta program is that there's one system, one 7:58 program is that there's one system, one 7:58 program is that there's one system, one protective system and therefore it can't 8:00 protective system and therefore it can't 8:00 protective system and therefore it can't be looked at in isolation. And 8:03 be looked at in isolation. And 8:03 be looked at in isolation. And therefore, emotions aren't just single 8:05 therefore, emotions aren't just single 8:06 therefore, emotions aren't just single abstract events in the brain, but 8:07 abstract events in the brain, but 8:07 abstract events in the brain, but they're coordinated physiological 8:10 they're coordinated physiological 8:10 they're coordinated physiological programs that are involve not only brain 8:13 programs that are involve not only brain 8:13 programs that are involve not only brain circuits, but hormones, the immune 8:15 circuits, but hormones, the immune 8:15 circuits, but hormones, the immune system, our behaviors, and physiological 8:19 system, our behaviors, and physiological 8:19 system, our behaviors, and physiological experiences. Like when we feel anxious, 8:21 experiences. Like when we feel anxious, 8:21 experiences. Like when we feel anxious, is that just a thought in the brain? No. 8:23 is that just a thought in the brain? No. 8:23 is that just a thought in the brain? No. It our muscles can tighten up. We get 8:26 It our muscles can tighten up. We get 8:26 It our muscles can tighten up. We get tightness in the chest, right? there a 8:28 tightness in the chest, right? there a 8:28 tightness in the chest, right? there a whole cascade of different physiological 8:30 whole cascade of different physiological 8:30 whole cascade of different physiological responses and they can also then lead 8:32 responses and they can also then lead 8:32 responses and they can also then lead onto physical symptoms as well and 8:34 onto physical symptoms as well and 8:34 onto physical symptoms as well and physical conditions. Right? Okay. So, 8:38 physical conditions. Right? Okay. So, 8:38 physical conditions. Right? Okay. So, let's um let's dive in to the content 8:40 let's um let's dive in to the content 8:40 let's um let's dive in to the content that we're going to uh cover today 8:43 that we're going to uh cover today 8:44 that we're going to uh cover today and I hope you're ready to take this uh 8:46 and I hope you're ready to take this uh 8:46 and I hope you're ready to take this uh exciting uh journey uh with me uh today 8:50 exciting uh journey uh with me uh today 8:50 exciting uh journey uh with me uh today and once again please do share this uh 8:52 and once again please do share this uh 8:52 and once again please do share this uh with others. 8:55 with others. 8:55 with others. Okay, let me share my screen. 8:57 Okay, let me share my screen. 8:57 Okay, let me share my screen. And I think the first thing that I want 8:59 And I think the first thing that I want 8:59 And I think the first thing that I want to talk about is once again our 9:01 to talk about is once again our 9:01 to talk about is once again our childhood experiences. And as you know 9:02 childhood experiences. And as you know 9:02 childhood experiences. And as you know we often use puppets to represent the 9:04 we often use puppets to represent the 9:04 we often use puppets to represent the different parts of our personality. Now 9:07 different parts of our personality. Now 9:07 different parts of our personality. Now it used to be thought we're one person 9:09 it used to be thought we're one person 9:09 it used to be thought we're one person but actually imagine that we are made up 9:12 but actually imagine that we are made up 9:12 but actually imagine that we are made up of different parts that play different 9:14 of different parts that play different 9:14 of different parts that play different roles, different protective roles. Yeah. 9:16 roles, different protective roles. Yeah. 9:16 roles, different protective roles. Yeah. It's a bit like if somebody says 9:20 It's a bit like if somebody says 9:20 It's a bit like if somebody says I've just had a slice of chocolate cake 9:22 I've just had a slice of chocolate cake 9:22 I've just had a slice of chocolate cake and I feel like another slice. There'll 9:24 and I feel like another slice. There'll 9:24 and I feel like another slice. There'll be one part of us that says, "Don't have 9:26 be one part of us that says, "Don't have 9:26 be one part of us that says, "Don't have an extra slice of chocolate cake. You've 9:28 an extra slice of chocolate cake. You've 9:28 an extra slice of chocolate cake. You've had enough." And there'll be another 9:30 had enough." And there'll be another 9:30 had enough." And there'll be another part that says, "Actually, I really want 9:32 part that says, "Actually, I really want 9:32 part that says, "Actually, I really want that second slice." So, you can see 9:34 that second slice." So, you can see 9:34 that second slice." So, you can see there are different parts of us that 9:36 there are different parts of us that 9:36 there are different parts of us that want different things. They both want 9:38 want different things. They both want 9:38 want different things. They both want what is best for us, but they have 9:40 what is best for us, but they have 9:40 what is best for us, but they have different agendas and different targets 9:42 different agendas and different targets 9:42 different agendas and different targets for that. And often our anxiety, our 9:44 for that. And often our anxiety, our 9:44 for that. And often our anxiety, our depressions, our stress is because we 9:46 depressions, our stress is because we 9:46 depressions, our stress is because we have these different parts living within 9:48 have these different parts living within 9:48 have these different parts living within us who want different things. And that 9:50 us who want different things. And that 9:50 us who want different things. And that creates this disintegration and this 9:52 creates this disintegration and this 9:52 creates this disintegration and this internal stress. And that's what we'll 9:54 internal stress. And that's what we'll 9:54 internal stress. And that's what we'll be addressing today.
Inner child and numbing 9:57 be addressing today. 9:57 be addressing today. So, one part of it we often call Kyle 10:00 So, one part of it we often call Kyle 10:00 So, one part of it we often call Kyle the inner child. Yeah. So, let me bring 10:02 the inner child. Yeah. So, let me bring 10:02 the inner child. Yeah. So, let me bring up Kyle the inner child. 10:18 Okay. So Kyle, the inner child is 10:18 Okay. So Kyle, the inner child is essentially this part of us that goes 10:20 essentially this part of us that goes 10:20 essentially this part of us that goes through those childhood experiences but 10:22 through those childhood experiences but 10:22 through those childhood experiences but then perhaps holds on to some of those 10:25 then perhaps holds on to some of those 10:25 then perhaps holds on to some of those experiences. So an experience is 10:26 experiences. So an experience is 10:26 experiences. So an experience is supposed to be uh bringing up an 10:28 supposed to be uh bringing up an 10:28 supposed to be uh bringing up an emotion, we let that go and then there's 10:30 emotion, we let that go and then there's 10:30 emotion, we let that go and then there's no imprint. But if an experience is too 10:33 no imprint. But if an experience is too 10:33 no imprint. But if an experience is too traumatic, too difficult for uh Kyle, 10:37 traumatic, too difficult for uh Kyle, 10:37 traumatic, too difficult for uh Kyle, then she comes up with a strategy which 10:39 then she comes up with a strategy which 10:39 then she comes up with a strategy which is let me deal with this emotion later 10:41 is let me deal with this emotion later 10:41 is let me deal with this emotion later in life. And that emotion could be fear, 10:45 in life. And that emotion could be fear, 10:45 in life. And that emotion could be fear, it could be anxiety, it could be anger, 10:47 it could be anxiety, it could be anger, 10:47 it could be anxiety, it could be anger, shame, guilt, panic, whole host of 10:50 shame, guilt, panic, whole host of 10:50 shame, guilt, panic, whole host of different emotions uh that could be 10:52 different emotions uh that could be 10:52 different emotions uh that could be occurring. 10:54 occurring. 10:54 occurring. And then as those emotions are occurring 10:58 And then as those emotions are occurring 10:58 And then as those emotions are occurring uh there are certain 11:01 uh there are certain 11:02 uh there are certain uh aspects of safety for that child, 11:04 uh aspects of safety for that child, 11:04 uh aspects of safety for that child, right? So as those emotions become 11:05 right? So as those emotions become 11:06 right? So as those emotions become repressed, there can be various reasons 11:07 repressed, there can be various reasons 11:07 repressed, there can be various reasons why those emotions are actually being 11:10 why those emotions are actually being 11:10 why those emotions are actually being generated and not being processed. And 11:12 generated and not being processed. And 11:12 generated and not being processed. And here are some of these uh ones here. So 11:16 here are some of these uh ones here. So 11:16 here are some of these uh ones here. So it can be safety. Yeah. Is that child 11:19 it can be safety. Yeah. Is that child 11:19 it can be safety. Yeah. Is that child experiencing uh a lack of safety? And 11:23 experiencing uh a lack of safety? And 11:23 experiencing uh a lack of safety? And that's obviously the larger one that we 11:25 that's obviously the larger one that we 11:25 that's obviously the larger one that we experience. Is it a lack of emotional 11:27 experience. Is it a lack of emotional 11:27 experience. Is it a lack of emotional attunement? Number two there that means 11:31 attunement? Number two there that means 11:31 attunement? Number two there that means is the child feeling like the parent or 11:33 is the child feeling like the parent or 11:33 is the child feeling like the parent or caregiver is not attuned to their needs 11:34 caregiver is not attuned to their needs 11:34 caregiver is not attuned to their needs not really listening to how they're 11:36 not really listening to how they're 11:36 not really listening to how they're feeling emotionally. A third might be 11:38 feeling emotionally. A third might be 11:38 feeling emotionally. A third might be emotional expression and so on and so 11:40 emotional expression and so on and so 11:40 emotional expression and so on and so on. And we'll come back to these eight 11:42 on. And we'll come back to these eight 11:42 on. And we'll come back to these eight core needs. 11:44 core needs. 11:44 core needs. Now if the child feels that some of 11:47 Now if the child feels that some of 11:47 Now if the child feels that some of those needs are not being addressed then 11:50 those needs are not being addressed then 11:50 those needs are not being addressed then sometimes what the child can then do is 11:53 sometimes what the child can then do is 11:53 sometimes what the child can then do is look at well I don't want to feel those 11:55 look at well I don't want to feel those 11:55 look at well I don't want to feel those emotions. So let's say these emotions 11:57 emotions. So let's say these emotions 11:57 emotions. So let's say these emotions have now got stuck within that child. 11:59 have now got stuck within that child. 11:59 have now got stuck within that child. They don't want to feel those emotions 12:01 They don't want to feel those emotions 12:01 They don't want to feel those emotions anymore. So one of the first strategies 12:03 anymore. So one of the first strategies 12:03 anymore. So one of the first strategies a child comes up with or then lingers on 12:06 a child comes up with or then lingers on 12:06 a child comes up with or then lingers on as an adult is what we call distracting 12:08 as an adult is what we call distracting 12:08 as an adult is what we call distracting or numbing. We don't want to feel those 12:11 or numbing. We don't want to feel those 12:11 or numbing. We don't want to feel those raw emotions. They're painful. Yeah. 12:13 raw emotions. They're painful. Yeah. 12:13 raw emotions. They're painful. Yeah. They've become repressed within us. And 12:15 They've become repressed within us. And 12:15 They've become repressed within us. And so one strategy that the child comes up 12:18 so one strategy that the child comes up 12:18 so one strategy that the child comes up with is this distractor or numbing 12:22 with is this distractor or numbing 12:22 with is this distractor or numbing strategy which is let me not feel that 12:26 strategy which is let me not feel that 12:26 strategy which is let me not feel that experience. And that's where we may go 12:28 experience. And that's where we may go 12:28 experience. And that's where we may go into uh as an adult drugs or alcohol, 12:32 into uh as an adult drugs or alcohol, 12:32 into uh as an adult drugs or alcohol, some kind of addiction that then soothes 12:34 some kind of addiction that then soothes 12:34 some kind of addiction that then soothes the pain, soothes that feeling within 12:36 the pain, soothes that feeling within 12:36 the pain, soothes that feeling within us. Or it could be uh excessive 12:39 us. Or it could be uh excessive 12:39 us. Or it could be uh excessive shopping, excessive working. Anything 12:40 shopping, excessive working. Anything 12:40 shopping, excessive working. Anything that distracts us and numbs us from 12:42 that distracts us and numbs us from 12:42 that distracts us and numbs us from feeling that pain is a protection 12:44 feeling that pain is a protection 12:44 feeling that pain is a protection strategy. And you can see there, that 12:46 strategy. And you can see there, that 12:46 strategy. And you can see there, that little red puppet is what we call the 12:48 little red puppet is what we call the 12:48 little red puppet is what we call the cake monster. It's the part of us that 12:51 cake monster. It's the part of us that 12:51 cake monster. It's the part of us that wants us to go off and have pleasurable 12:53 wants us to go off and have pleasurable 12:53 wants us to go off and have pleasurable short-term pleasurable experiences to 12:55 short-term pleasurable experiences to 12:55 short-term pleasurable experiences to numb us from that pain.
Protective strategies 13:04 Now, the next layer here is 13:04 Now, the next layer here is actually what we call 13:06 actually what we call 13:06 actually what we call the strategies. So let's say we have 13:09 the strategies. So let's say we have 13:09 the strategies. So let's say we have these emotions within us and we don't 13:11 these emotions within us and we don't 13:11 these emotions within us and we don't want those emotions to be triggered like 13:12 want those emotions to be triggered like 13:12 want those emotions to be triggered like fear or anger or guilt or sadness and we 13:16 fear or anger or guilt or sadness and we 13:16 fear or anger or guilt or sadness and we learn as a child that actually if we 13:19 learn as a child that actually if we 13:19 learn as a child that actually if we employ certain traits like achieving 13:21 employ certain traits like achieving 13:21 employ certain traits like achieving things if we have certain traits that uh 13:26 things if we have certain traits that uh 13:26 things if we have certain traits that uh are rescuing and helping others or we 13:28 are rescuing and helping others or we 13:28 are rescuing and helping others or we people please etc then we can protect 13:31 people please etc then we can protect 13:31 people please etc then we can protect ourselves from those emotions being 13:32 ourselves from those emotions being 13:32 ourselves from those emotions being re-triggered and those parts then start 13:35 re-triggered and those parts then start 13:35 re-triggered and those parts then start developing within us. All right. So just 13:37 developing within us. All right. So just 13:37 developing within us. All right. So just bringing up the next slide uh here which 13:40 bringing up the next slide uh here which 13:40 bringing up the next slide uh here which is these particular parts start 13:42 is these particular parts start 13:42 is these particular parts start developing a strategy. So on the top 13:44 developing a strategy. So on the top 13:44 developing a strategy. So on the top left we have the approval seeker or 13:46 left we have the approval seeker or 13:46 left we have the approval seeker or people pleaser. Let me not express how I 13:48 people pleaser. Let me not express how I 13:48 people pleaser. Let me not express how I feel about something because someone may 13:50 feel about something because someone may 13:50 feel about something because someone may get upset. So I will push down how I 13:53 get upset. So I will push down how I 13:53 get upset. So I will push down how I truly feel and only say things that 13:55 truly feel and only say things that 13:55 truly feel and only say things that please others. The inner critic. Let me 13:57 please others. The inner critic. Let me 13:58 please others. The inner critic. Let me put myself down and criticize myself 13:59 put myself down and criticize myself 13:59 put myself down and criticize myself before someone else does because that's 14:01 before someone else does because that's 14:01 before someone else does because that's a protective strategy. 14:04 a protective strategy. 14:04 a protective strategy. The victim. If I feel like I've been 14:07 The victim. If I feel like I've been 14:07 The victim. If I feel like I've been wronged and I play the victim, then 14:09 wronged and I play the victim, then 14:09 wronged and I play the victim, then people will show me love and attention 14:10 people will show me love and attention 14:10 people will show me love and attention and support rather than putting me down. 14:14 and support rather than putting me down. 14:14 and support rather than putting me down. And at the bottom, the helper or 14:15 And at the bottom, the helper or 14:15 And at the bottom, the helper or rescuer. Sometimes that child learns if 14:18 rescuer. Sometimes that child learns if 14:18 rescuer. Sometimes that child learns if I help and rescue others, I'm the good 14:20 I help and rescue others, I'm the good 14:20 I help and rescue others, I'm the good little boy or the good little girl. And 14:21 little boy or the good little girl. And 14:22 little boy or the good little girl. And that protects me from people treating me 14:24 that protects me from people treating me 14:24 that protects me from people treating me badly. That becomes a learned response. 14:27 badly. That becomes a learned response. 14:27 badly. That becomes a learned response. We have the achiever. If I achieve do 14:29 We have the achiever. If I achieve do 14:29 We have the achiever. If I achieve do you ever have that experience that as a 14:31 you ever have that experience that as a 14:31 you ever have that experience that as a child if you did well at school you 14:33 child if you did well at school you 14:33 child if you did well at school you would get approval perhaps from the 14:35 would get approval perhaps from the 14:35 would get approval perhaps from the teacher or a parent and therefore that 14:37 teacher or a parent and therefore that 14:37 teacher or a parent and therefore that meant that that came became your way of 14:39 meant that that came became your way of 14:39 meant that that came became your way of getting approval being supported another 14:42 getting approval being supported another 14:42 getting approval being supported another one being the safety seeker 14:43 one being the safety seeker 14:43 one being the safety seeker hypervigilance you know I'm in an unsafe 14:45 hypervigilance you know I'm in an unsafe 14:45 hypervigilance you know I'm in an unsafe place and finally the perfectionist if I 14:48 place and finally the perfectionist if I 14:48 place and finally the perfectionist if I do things perfectly then people can't 14:49 do things perfectly then people can't 14:49 do things perfectly then people can't put me down that protects me from my 14:51 put me down that protects me from my 14:51 put me down that protects me from my core emotions and wounds being 14:54 core emotions and wounds being 14:54 core emotions and wounds being re-triggered Kyle's wounds being 14:56 re-triggered Kyle's wounds being 14:56 re-triggered Kyle's wounds being re-triggered 14:58 re-triggered 14:58 re-triggered Now what happens then in our model is 15:01 Now what happens then in our model is 15:01 Now what happens then in our model is some of these layers here this outer 15:04 some of these layers here this outer 15:04 some of these layers here this outer layer that you can see that in itself 15:07 layer that you can see that in itself 15:07 layer that you can see that in itself becomes a challenge to the system 15:09 becomes a challenge to the system 15:09 becomes a challenge to the system because if we're overachieving to prove 15:11 because if we're overachieving to prove 15:11 because if we're overachieving to prove ourselves and prove that we're good 15:12 ourselves and prove that we're good 15:12 ourselves and prove that we're good enough and get love and attention we 15:15 enough and get love and attention we 15:15 enough and get love and attention we start pushing beyond our body's limits. 15:18 start pushing beyond our body's limits. 15:18 start pushing beyond our body's limits. We start overworking over pushing 15:20 We start overworking over pushing 15:20 We start overworking over pushing through. as an example that combines 15:22 through. as an example that combines 15:22 through. as an example that combines with perfectionism which means we can 15:24 with perfectionism which means we can 15:24 with perfectionism which means we can never be relaxed because can you 15:25 never be relaxed because can you 15:25 never be relaxed because can you actually ever do anything perfectly 15:28 actually ever do anything perfectly 15:28 actually ever do anything perfectly the approval seeker or people pleasing 15:30 the approval seeker or people pleasing 15:30 the approval seeker or people pleasing if we don't speak our minds those 15:32 if we don't speak our minds those 15:32 if we don't speak our minds those emotions become repressed within us and 15:35 emotions become repressed within us and 15:35 emotions become repressed within us and that magnifies the impact on our nervous 15:38 that magnifies the impact on our nervous 15:38 that magnifies the impact on our nervous system so our nervous system stays tight 15:40 system so our nervous system stays tight 15:40 system so our nervous system stays tight and disregulated so all of these 15:42 and disregulated so all of these 15:42 and disregulated so all of these strategies and there are many more these 15:43 strategies and there are many more these 15:43 strategies and there are many more these are just an example these strategies 15:46 are just an example these strategies 15:46 are just an example these strategies themselves can be the challenge and then 15:48 themselves can be the challenge and then 15:48 themselves can be the challenge and then in our model what then happens happens 15:51 in our model what then happens happens 15:51 in our model what then happens happens is that a virus then comes along or a 15:54 is that a virus then comes along or a 15:54 is that a virus then comes along or a bacterial infection whilst we are 15:56 bacterial infection whilst we are 15:56 bacterial infection whilst we are pushing pushing pushing and normally our 15:59 pushing pushing pushing and normally our 15:59 pushing pushing pushing and normally our immune system kicks in. It fights off 16:02 immune system kicks in. It fights off 16:02 immune system kicks in. It fights off the virus or the bacteria the the food 16:04 the virus or the bacteria the the food 16:04 the virus or the bacteria the the food infection. It could be mold could be 16:07 infection. It could be mold could be 16:07 infection. It could be mold could be anything toxins. It fights it off by 16:10 anything toxins. It fights it off by 16:10 anything toxins. It fights it off by triggering the immune system and then 16:12 triggering the immune system and then 16:12 triggering the immune system and then brings the body back to normal back to 16:14 brings the body back to normal back to 16:14 brings the body back to normal back to baseline. But if we've had these 16:16 baseline. But if we've had these 16:16 baseline. But if we've had these strategies pushing, pushing, pushing, 16:18 strategies pushing, pushing, pushing, 16:18 strategies pushing, pushing, pushing, then what happens is this threatens our 16:20 then what happens is this threatens our 16:20 then what happens is this threatens our physical survival. It's like having flu 16:24 physical survival. It's like having flu 16:24 physical survival. It's like having flu and then deciding to run a marathon with 16:27 and then deciding to run a marathon with 16:27 and then deciding to run a marathon with flu. That would threaten your very 16:29 flu. That would threaten your very 16:29 flu. That would threaten your very survival. It will threaten your immune 16:30 survival. It will threaten your immune 16:30 survival. It will threaten your immune system's ability to fight off that 16:31 system's ability to fight off that 16:31 system's ability to fight off that virus. 16:33 virus. 16:33 virus. And so our protective systems, the 16:36 And so our protective systems, the 16:36 And so our protective systems, the nervous system and immune system, they 16:38 nervous system and immune system, they 16:38 nervous system and immune system, they start panicking because they think this 16:40 start panicking because they think this 16:40 start panicking because they think this threat has come on, this physiological 16:42 threat has come on, this physiological 16:42 threat has come on, this physiological threat like a virus or bacteria, but 16:44 threat like a virus or bacteria, but 16:44 threat like a virus or bacteria, but this person is engaging in behaviors 16:46 this person is engaging in behaviors 16:46 this person is engaging in behaviors that actually compromise our ability to 16:49 that actually compromise our ability to 16:49 that actually compromise our ability to fight off that infection. What should we 16:51 fight off that infection. What should we 16:51 fight off that infection. What should we do? Let's overt trigger the immune 16:53 do? Let's overt trigger the immune 16:53 do? Let's overt trigger the immune system and nervous system. So these 16:55 system and nervous system. So these 16:55 system and nervous system. So these protective parts come up to overdefend 16:57 protective parts come up to overdefend 16:57 protective parts come up to overdefend the system which then causes a lot of 16:59 the system which then causes a lot of 16:59 the system which then causes a lot of downstream symptoms. and those 17:01 downstream symptoms. and those 17:01 downstream symptoms. and those downstream symptoms themselves become a 17:04 downstream symptoms themselves become a 17:04 downstream symptoms themselves become a problem and we'll be talking about when 17:05 problem and we'll be talking about when 17:05 problem and we'll be talking about when we go into the trauma protection matrix 17:07 we go into the trauma protection matrix 17:08 we go into the trauma protection matrix which systems get triggered in which 17:10 which systems get triggered in which 17:10 which systems get triggered in which particular uh personality traits so
Chronic illness vicious cycle 17:13 particular uh personality traits so 17:13 particular uh personality traits so we're about to come into the matrix now 17:15 we're about to come into the matrix now 17:15 we're about to come into the matrix now uh sounds very uh ominous doesn't it but 17:17 uh sounds very uh ominous doesn't it but 17:17 uh sounds very uh ominous doesn't it but yes we're going to describe it describe 17:19 yes we're going to describe it describe 17:19 yes we're going to describe it describe this matrix and so once again these 17:21 this matrix and so once again these 17:21 this matrix and so once again these protector parts come in so if I show you 17:23 protector parts come in so if I show you 17:23 protector parts come in so if I show you this uh this next slide here 17:27 this uh this next slide here 17:27 this uh this next slide here this is where we then have a protector 17:30 this is where we then have a protector 17:30 this is where we then have a protector and this protector, which we've got a 17:32 and this protector, which we've got a 17:32 and this protector, which we've got a puppet as the policeman is now policing 17:34 puppet as the policeman is now policing 17:34 puppet as the policeman is now policing the system. And not only is it 17:36 the system. And not only is it 17:36 the system. And not only is it triggering the immune system and nervous 17:37 triggering the immune system and nervous 17:37 triggering the immune system and nervous system in an overreactive way, but 17:40 system in an overreactive way, but 17:40 system in an overreactive way, but anytime we engage in achiever 17:42 anytime we engage in achiever 17:42 anytime we engage in achiever activities, being the perfectionist, 17:45 activities, being the perfectionist, 17:45 activities, being the perfectionist, criticizing ourselves, it sees those 17:47 criticizing ourselves, it sees those 17:47 criticizing ourselves, it sees those behaviors as threats and so it starts 17:49 behaviors as threats and so it starts 17:49 behaviors as threats and so it starts overtriggering even more. And that's 17:51 overtriggering even more. And that's 17:51 overtriggering even more. And that's where an acute problem turns into a 17:54 where an acute problem turns into a 17:54 where an acute problem turns into a chronic problem. Have you ever wondered 17:56 chronic problem. Have you ever wondered 17:56 chronic problem. Have you ever wondered how does sadness turn into depression? 17:58 how does sadness turn into depression? 17:58 how does sadness turn into depression? How does COVID turn into long COVID? How 18:02 How does COVID turn into long COVID? How 18:02 How does COVID turn into long COVID? How does uh some kind of normal infection 18:05 does uh some kind of normal infection 18:05 does uh some kind of normal infection turn into a postviral condition? How 18:07 turn into a postviral condition? How 18:07 turn into a postviral condition? How does an exposure to mold turn into mold 18:09 does an exposure to mold turn into mold 18:09 does an exposure to mold turn into mold illness? This is all in our model due to 18:13 illness? This is all in our model due to 18:13 illness? This is all in our model due to the fact that we have conditioning 18:14 the fact that we have conditioning 18:14 the fact that we have conditioning events in the amygdala and insula. The 18:16 events in the amygdala and insula. The 18:16 events in the amygdala and insula. The brain now learns to overprotect 18:18 brain now learns to overprotect 18:18 brain now learns to overprotect continuously and it forms a vicious 18:20 continuously and it forms a vicious 18:20 continuously and it forms a vicious cycle. So the next stage of this uh 18:23 cycle. So the next stage of this uh 18:23 cycle. So the next stage of this uh vicious cycle here is when we then go 18:26 vicious cycle here is when we then go 18:26 vicious cycle here is when we then go into 18:28 into 18:28 into worrying. We start worrying about our 18:30 worrying. We start worrying about our 18:30 worrying. We start worrying about our symptoms. Hypervigilance and how the 18:32 symptoms. Hypervigilance and how the 18:32 symptoms. Hypervigilance and how the body's feeling which then fuels the 18:35 body's feeling which then fuels the 18:35 body's feeling which then fuels the brain even more that we are in danger 18:36 brain even more that we are in danger 18:36 brain even more that we are in danger and that's where once again the acute 18:38 and that's where once again the acute 18:38 and that's where once again the acute condition turns into a feedback loop and 18:40 condition turns into a feedback loop and 18:40 condition turns into a feedback loop and creates a chronic condition gut issues. 18:42 creates a chronic condition gut issues. 18:42 creates a chronic condition gut issues. We know the gut brain axis. So the gut 18:44 We know the gut brain axis. So the gut 18:44 We know the gut brain axis. So the gut itself is feeding back loads of this 18:46 itself is feeding back loads of this 18:46 itself is feeding back loads of this information back to the brain. Okay. So 18:49 information back to the brain. Okay. So 18:49 information back to the brain. Okay. So this is our model of how on and why 18:52 this is our model of how on and why 18:52 this is our model of how on and why chronic conditions are so difficult to 18:54 chronic conditions are so difficult to 18:54 chronic conditions are so difficult to treat because as you can see there's 18:56 treat because as you can see there's 18:56 treat because as you can see there's multiple layers going in here from the 18:58 multiple layers going in here from the 18:58 multiple layers going in here from the trauma that the inner child Kyle inner 19:01 trauma that the inner child Kyle inner 19:01 trauma that the inner child Kyle inner child experienced and those residues of 19:04 child experienced and those residues of 19:04 child experienced and those residues of those memories those emotions get 19:06 those memories those emotions get 19:06 those memories those emotions get trapped in the physical body at the 19:08 trapped in the physical body at the 19:08 trapped in the physical body at the sematic level. Then we have distraction 19:11 sematic level. Then we have distraction 19:11 sematic level. Then we have distraction and numbing away from that pain. We then 19:13 and numbing away from that pain. We then 19:13 and numbing away from that pain. We then come up with strategies to offset those 19:16 come up with strategies to offset those 19:16 come up with strategies to offset those inner traumatic experiences and memories 19:18 inner traumatic experiences and memories 19:18 inner traumatic experiences and memories to stop them being re-triggered as 19:20 to stop them being re-triggered as 19:20 to stop them being re-triggered as protection. But those strategies now 19:22 protection. But those strategies now 19:22 protection. But those strategies now become the very problem which then 19:24 become the very problem which then 19:24 become the very problem which then triggers our immune system and nervous 19:25 triggers our immune system and nervous 19:25 triggers our immune system and nervous system to over respond and defend 19:27 system to over respond and defend 19:27 system to over respond and defend against those very strategies. And then 19:29 against those very strategies. And then 19:29 against those very strategies. And then another layer comes along where we start 19:31 another layer comes along where we start 19:31 another layer comes along where we start becoming hypervigilant on those symptoms 19:33 becoming hypervigilant on those symptoms 19:33 becoming hypervigilant on those symptoms which then fuels further defense. And 19:35 which then fuels further defense. And 19:35 which then fuels further defense. And once the system is set up that can then 19:37 once the system is set up that can then 19:37 once the system is set up that can then cause me, chronic fatigue syndrome, 19:39 cause me, chronic fatigue syndrome, 19:39 cause me, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, 19:41 fibromyalgia, 19:41 fibromyalgia, mold illness, long COVID, all of these 19:43 mold illness, long COVID, all of these 19:43 mold illness, long COVID, all of these things are when the whole system gets 19:44 things are when the whole system gets 19:44 things are when the whole system gets stuck. 19:46 stuck. 19:46 stuck. All right.
Safety and attachment 19:49 All right. 19:49 All right. So let me describe now what I think is 19:52 So let me describe now what I think is 19:52 So let me describe now what I think is new about this model that we're going to 19:53 new about this model that we're going to 19:53 new about this model that we're going to go through is looking at these various 19:57 go through is looking at these various 19:57 go through is looking at these various uh 19:59 uh 19:59 uh aspects of core needs of the child. 20:01 aspects of core needs of the child. 20:01 aspects of core needs of the child. safety, emotional attunement, emotional 20:03 safety, emotional attunement, emotional 20:03 safety, emotional attunement, emotional expression. How can we now connect these 20:06 expression. How can we now connect these 20:06 expression. How can we now connect these to what may be going on in our model? 20:08 to what may be going on in our model? 20:08 to what may be going on in our model? And this is where we're going into the 20:10 And this is where we're going into the 20:10 And this is where we're going into the traumatic memory matrix here. So, let's 20:14 traumatic memory matrix here. So, let's 20:14 traumatic memory matrix here. So, let's start off with missing 20:17 start off with missing 20:17 start off with missing need of safety and protection. And 20:19 need of safety and protection. And 20:19 need of safety and protection. And that's the one that we obviously hear a 20:21 that's the one that we obviously hear a 20:21 that's the one that we obviously hear a lot about. And this can be this feeling 20:23 lot about. And this can be this feeling 20:23 lot about. And this can be this feeling that the world is unpredictable. 20:26 that the world is unpredictable. 20:26 that the world is unpredictable. I'm not safe. I'm going to be uh 20:29 I'm not safe. I'm going to be uh 20:29 I'm not safe. I'm going to be uh abandoned. 20:32 abandoned. 20:32 abandoned. And 20:34 And 20:34 And this is a feeling that often is 20:36 this is a feeling that often is 20:36 this is a feeling that often is associated once again with uh trauma. 20:41 associated once again with uh trauma. 20:41 associated once again with uh trauma. Yeah. That feeling that we're not being 20:42 Yeah. That feeling that we're not being 20:42 Yeah. That feeling that we're not being supported, we're not being uh looked 20:44 supported, we're not being uh looked 20:44 supported, we're not being uh looked after. 20:46 after. 20:46 after. Okay. And so what can be the emotional 20:49 Okay. And so what can be the emotional 20:49 Okay. And so what can be the emotional pattern that then occurs as a result of 20:51 pattern that then occurs as a result of 20:51 pattern that then occurs as a result of that? There can be fear and 20:53 that? There can be fear and 20:53 that? There can be fear and hypervigilance 20:56 hypervigilance 20:56 hypervigilance where we have a bodily dissociation 20:58 where we have a bodily dissociation 20:58 where we have a bodily dissociation because it's not safe to feel into our 21:00 because it's not safe to feel into our 21:00 because it's not safe to feel into our body. So there can be this bodily 21:02 body. So there can be this bodily 21:02 body. So there can be this bodily dissociation. 21:08 Now what kind of life strategies may 21:08 Now what kind of life strategies may occur as a result of this feeling that 21:10 occur as a result of this feeling that 21:10 occur as a result of this feeling that the world is unpredictable. I'm not 21:12 the world is unpredictable. I'm not 21:12 the world is unpredictable. I'm not safe. I'm going to be abandoned. Well, 21:15 safe. I'm going to be abandoned. Well, 21:15 safe. I'm going to be abandoned. Well, the brain can come up with uh uh an 21:18 the brain can come up with uh uh an 21:18 the brain can come up with uh uh an interesting strategy which is safety 21:21 interesting strategy which is safety 21:21 interesting strategy which is safety seeking, constantly being hypervigilant 21:24 seeking, constantly being hypervigilant 21:24 seeking, constantly being hypervigilant um about 21:26 um about 21:26 um about the uh environment around us, about the 21:29 the uh environment around us, about the 21:29 the uh environment around us, about the interactions 21:30 interactions 21:30 interactions um and it can then feel like 21:34 um and it can then feel like 21:34 um and it can then feel like everything is dangerous. I need to be 21:35 everything is dangerous. I need to be 21:35 everything is dangerous. I need to be hypervigilant. I need to control my 21:37 hypervigilant. I need to control my 21:37 hypervigilant. I need to control my environment. I need to plan out 21:38 environment. I need to plan out 21:38 environment. I need to plan out everything. Yeah. So this strategy is 21:41 everything. Yeah. So this strategy is 21:41 everything. Yeah. So this strategy is once again an opportunity to offset 21:43 once again an opportunity to offset 21:43 once again an opportunity to offset those core wounds, those feelings I'm 21:46 those core wounds, those feelings I'm 21:46 those core wounds, those feelings I'm going to be abandoned because these are 21:47 going to be abandoned because these are 21:47 going to be abandoned because these are survival instincts. Yeah. The next one 21:51 survival instincts. Yeah. The next one 21:51 survival instincts. Yeah. The next one is then our attachment style. And those 21:54 is then our attachment style. And those 21:54 is then our attachment style. And those attachment styles can be then an anxious 21:56 attachment styles can be then an anxious 21:56 attachment styles can be then an anxious attachment style. We're not going to go 21:58 attachment style. We're not going to go 21:58 attachment style. We're not going to go deep into the attachment styles. That's 21:59 deep into the attachment styles. That's 21:59 deep into the attachment styles. That's for another day. Um uh and so those 22:03 for another day. Um uh and so those 22:03 for another day. Um uh and so those attachment styles are anxious. They can 22:06 attachment styles are anxious. They can 22:06 attachment styles are anxious. They can be fearful avoidance. feeling like if 22:08 be fearful avoidance. feeling like if 22:08 be fearful avoidance. feeling like if the world's unsafe, relationships are 22:10 the world's unsafe, relationships are 22:10 the world's unsafe, relationships are unsafe, so I'll avoid being in those 22:13 unsafe, so I'll avoid being in those 22:13 unsafe, so I'll avoid being in those types of experiences and once again be 22:15 types of experiences and once again be 22:15 types of experiences and once again be hypervigilant um in those. 22:24 Then the next column there, the nervous 22:24 Then the next column there, the nervous and immune system. As a result of this 22:26 and immune system. As a result of this 22:26 and immune system. As a result of this feeling that the world is a dangerous 22:27 feeling that the world is a dangerous 22:27 feeling that the world is a dangerous place, we then can have this sympathetic 22:30 place, we then can have this sympathetic 22:30 place, we then can have this sympathetic activation bias and we reduce veagal 22:32 activation bias and we reduce veagal 22:32 activation bias and we reduce veagal flexibility. Now what that means is our 22:34 flexibility. Now what that means is our 22:34 flexibility. Now what that means is our stress and nervous system then gets 22:36 stress and nervous system then gets 22:36 stress and nervous system then gets overt triggered continuously. We have 22:38 overt triggered continuously. We have 22:38 overt triggered continuously. We have this sympathetic activation of our 22:40 this sympathetic activation of our 22:40 this sympathetic activation of our stress system. Yeah, we're constantly in 22:42 stress system. Yeah, we're constantly in 22:42 stress system. Yeah, we're constantly in a siege mentality that the world is 22:44 a siege mentality that the world is 22:44 a siege mentality that the world is unsafe. The world's unpredictable and 22:46 unsafe. The world's unpredictable and 22:46 unsafe. The world's unpredictable and therefore that also means that veagal 22:48 therefore that also means that veagal 22:48 therefore that also means that veagal flexibility isn't there which means that 22:50 flexibility isn't there which means that 22:50 flexibility isn't there which means that we can't respond effectively when stress 22:53 we can't respond effectively when stress 22:53 we can't respond effectively when stress comes along. So stress comes along and 22:55 comes along. So stress comes along and 22:55 comes along. So stress comes along and then our recovery time is much shorter. 22:58 then our recovery time is much shorter. 22:58 then our recovery time is much shorter. And this is something that we spent the 23:00 And this is something that we spent the 23:00 And this is something that we spent the last 25 years researching, looking at 23:02 last 25 years researching, looking at 23:02 last 25 years researching, looking at all the medical evidence. And there's 23:04 all the medical evidence. And there's 23:04 all the medical evidence. And there's now quite strong evidence that this 23:06 now quite strong evidence that this 23:06 now quite strong evidence that this particular process of looking at those 23:08 particular process of looking at those 23:08 particular process of looking at those inner child beliefs through to emotional 23:09 inner child beliefs through to emotional 23:09 inner child beliefs through to emotional patterns, the parts and strategies that 23:12 patterns, the parts and strategies that 23:12 patterns, the parts and strategies that come up right through to how it impacts 23:14 come up right through to how it impacts 23:14 come up right through to how it impacts on our nervous immune system could then 23:16 on our nervous immune system could then 23:16 on our nervous immune system could then go on to being a risk factor for 23:18 go on to being a risk factor for 23:18 go on to being a risk factor for fatigue, sensitivity syndromes, 23:20 fatigue, sensitivity syndromes, 23:20 fatigue, sensitivity syndromes, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, long 23:22 fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, long 23:22 fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, long COVID. Yeah. So this is our new 23:25 COVID. Yeah. So this is our new 23:25 COVID. Yeah. So this is our new information the IP that we're generating 23:26 information the IP that we're generating 23:26 information the IP that we're generating here which is that there is a matrix 23:30 here which is that there is a matrix 23:30 here which is that there is a matrix there is an association with these um 23:33 there is an association with these um 23:33 there is an association with these um missing aspects of the childhood that 23:36 missing aspects of the childhood that 23:36 missing aspects of the childhood that the child experiences right through to 23:38 the child experiences right through to 23:38 the child experiences right through to how it impacts on parts attachment 23:39 how it impacts on parts attachment 23:39 how it impacts on parts attachment styles nerves and immune system and the 23:42 styles nerves and immune system and the 23:42 styles nerves and immune system and the symptoms we may experience. 23:44 symptoms we may experience. 23:44 symptoms we may experience. And that lack of safety can come 23:46 And that lack of safety can come 23:46 And that lack of safety can come through, once again that scale of mild 23:48 through, once again that scale of mild 23:48 through, once again that scale of mild neglect, through to abuse, through to 23:51 neglect, through to abuse, through to 23:52 neglect, through to abuse, through to deep traumatic memories, through to 23:53 deep traumatic memories, through to 23:53 deep traumatic memories, through to complex trauma can all impact on our 23:56 complex trauma can all impact on our 23:56 complex trauma can all impact on our sense of safety in the world around us. 23:58 sense of safety in the world around us. 23:58 sense of safety in the world around us. And then these particular ways of 24:00 And then these particular ways of 24:00 And then these particular ways of interacting. And as we're going through 24:01 interacting. And as we're going through 24:02 interacting. And as we're going through this, hopefully it's some light bulbs 24:03 this, hopefully it's some light bulbs 24:03 this, hopefully it's some light bulbs are going off that wow, actually I do 24:05 are going off that wow, actually I do 24:05 are going off that wow, actually I do notice that particular strategy in me or 24:07 notice that particular strategy in me or 24:07 notice that particular strategy in me or I notice that particular attachment 24:08 I notice that particular attachment 24:08 I notice that particular attachment style and that might be related to this 24:10 style and that might be related to this 24:10 style and that might be related to this inner child belief that's unpredictable. 24:13 inner child belief that's unpredictable. 24:13 inner child belief that's unpredictable. I'm not safe and I'm going to be 24:15 I'm not safe and I'm going to be 24:15 I'm not safe and I'm going to be abandoned. Okay, let's look at a another
Attunement and dissociation 24:18 abandoned. Okay, let's look at a another 24:18 abandoned. Okay, let's look at a another one here. 24:20 one here. 24:20 one here. Emotional attunement. Now, as a child 24:23 Emotional attunement. Now, as a child 24:23 Emotional attunement. Now, as a child and as a baby, especially in the first 24:25 and as a baby, especially in the first 24:25 and as a baby, especially in the first five years of life, a child wants to 24:27 five years of life, a child wants to 24:27 five years of life, a child wants to feel that the mother or father or both 24:29 feel that the mother or father or both 24:29 feel that the mother or father or both are in tune with their needs, their 24:32 are in tune with their needs, their 24:32 are in tune with their needs, their emotional needs. So, when they have an 24:33 emotional needs. So, when they have an 24:33 emotional needs. So, when they have an emotion, uh that these emotions matter. 24:37 emotion, uh that these emotions matter. 24:37 emotion, uh that these emotions matter. Yeah. And it's okay to have these 24:39 Yeah. And it's okay to have these 24:39 Yeah. And it's okay to have these feelings and emotions because a child is 24:40 feelings and emotions because a child is 24:40 feelings and emotions because a child is very vulnerable until the age of seven 24:42 very vulnerable until the age of seven 24:42 very vulnerable until the age of seven or eight when then it can start looking 24:44 or eight when then it can start looking 24:44 or eight when then it can start looking after itself. So sometimes if there's a 24:46 after itself. So sometimes if there's a 24:46 after itself. So sometimes if there's a lack of emotional attunement especially 24:48 lack of emotional attunement especially 24:48 lack of emotional attunement especially with a mother this can create feelings 24:50 with a mother this can create feelings 24:50 with a mother this can create feelings of I don't matter, my emotions don't 24:53 of I don't matter, my emotions don't 24:53 of I don't matter, my emotions don't matter and in fact emotions are wrong or 24:55 matter and in fact emotions are wrong or 24:55 matter and in fact emotions are wrong or dangerous. So an emotional pattern that 24:58 dangerous. So an emotional pattern that 24:58 dangerous. So an emotional pattern that can then occur is emotional suppression. 25:00 can then occur is emotional suppression. 25:00 can then occur is emotional suppression. Not wanting to feel emotions but wanting 25:03 Not wanting to feel emotions but wanting 25:03 Not wanting to feel emotions but wanting to numb and dissociate out of them. And 25:06 to numb and dissociate out of them. And 25:06 to numb and dissociate out of them. And that bodily dissociation and numbing is 25:09 that bodily dissociation and numbing is 25:09 that bodily dissociation and numbing is why it's so important to have seatic 25:12 why it's so important to have seatic 25:12 why it's so important to have seatic techniques and sematic what we call 25:13 techniques and sematic what we call 25:13 techniques and sematic what we call sematic retraining as part of healing 25:17 sematic retraining as part of healing 25:17 sematic retraining as part of healing from our past traumas and experiences 25:19 from our past traumas and experiences 25:19 from our past traumas and experiences because sometimes it's not just at the 25:21 because sometimes it's not just at the 25:21 because sometimes it's not just at the cognitive level. It's at the bodily 25:23 cognitive level. It's at the bodily 25:23 cognitive level. It's at the bodily level. And actually we believe healing 25:24 level. And actually we believe healing 25:24 level. And actually we believe healing happens at many levels. Physical, 25:26 happens at many levels. Physical, 25:26 happens at many levels. Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and 25:28 emotional, mental, spiritual, and 25:28 emotional, mental, spiritual, and energetic. Yeah. And sematic. So all of 25:31 energetic. Yeah. And sematic. So all of 25:31 energetic. Yeah. And sematic. So all of these levels are things that we approach 25:33 these levels are things that we approach 25:33 these levels are things that we approach uh within the Gupta program. So the 25:35 uh within the Gupta program. So the 25:35 uh within the Gupta program. So the emotional pattern is emotions are bad 25:37 emotional pattern is emotions are bad 25:37 emotional pattern is emotions are bad because I'm not being attuned to. So 25:39 because I'm not being attuned to. So 25:40 because I'm not being attuned to. So I'll numb out and I'll dissociate from 25:42 I'll numb out and I'll dissociate from 25:42 I'll numb out and I'll dissociate from those experiences within me. And a life 25:44 those experiences within me. And a life 25:44 those experiences within me. And a life strategy that then or a part that may be 25:47 strategy that then or a part that may be 25:47 strategy that then or a part that may be accentuated is that element of 25:49 accentuated is that element of 25:49 accentuated is that element of distracting or numbing from day-to-day 25:51 distracting or numbing from day-to-day 25:51 distracting or numbing from day-to-day emotions and day-to-day life because 25:52 emotions and day-to-day life because 25:52 emotions and day-to-day life because they just feel too difficult. And then 25:55 they just feel too difficult. And then 25:55 they just feel too difficult. And then the attachment style once again can be 25:58 the attachment style once again can be 25:58 the attachment style once again can be anxious attachment. So in relationships 26:00 anxious attachment. So in relationships 26:00 anxious attachment. So in relationships I got to be hypervigilant of how the 26:02 I got to be hypervigilant of how the 26:02 I got to be hypervigilant of how the other person is feeling. Are they 26:03 other person is feeling. Are they 26:04 other person is feeling. Are they attuned with how I'm feeling? Yeah. And 26:07 attuned with how I'm feeling? Yeah. And 26:07 attuned with how I'm feeling? Yeah. And then becoming disorganized in the 26:08 then becoming disorganized in the 26:08 then becoming disorganized in the attachment style with that fearful 26:09 attachment style with that fearful 26:09 attachment style with that fearful avoidant pushpull. I really want to be 26:11 avoidant pushpull. I really want to be 26:11 avoidant pushpull. I really want to be close to this person, but now I'm afraid 26:13 close to this person, but now I'm afraid 26:13 close to this person, but now I'm afraid that that I'm not attuned to them. 26:15 that that I'm not attuned to them. 26:15 that that I'm not attuned to them. They're not really listening into my 26:16 They're not really listening into my 26:16 They're not really listening into my emotions. And that is fearful. That is 26:18 emotions. And that is fearful. That is 26:18 emotions. And that is fearful. That is uh bad. So now I want to avoid a 26:20 uh bad. So now I want to avoid a 26:20 uh bad. So now I want to avoid a relationship. So there's a pushpull 26:21 relationship. So there's a pushpull 26:21 relationship. So there's a pushpull effect. And there can even be that kind 26:23 effect. And there can even be that kind 26:23 effect. And there can even be that kind of dependency or codependency on really 26:25 of dependency or codependency on really 26:25 of dependency or codependency on really wanting the other person to understand 26:27 wanting the other person to understand 26:27 wanting the other person to understand your feelings and help you process them. 26:30 your feelings and help you process them. 26:30 your feelings and help you process them. And this can cause emotional 26:31 And this can cause emotional 26:31 And this can cause emotional dysregulation and stress reactivity in 26:34 dysregulation and stress reactivity in 26:34 dysregulation and stress reactivity in the nervous system which can contribute 26:36 the nervous system which can contribute 26:36 the nervous system which can contribute to pain syndrome. So we know that pain 26:38 to pain syndrome. So we know that pain 26:38 to pain syndrome. So we know that pain and there's moderate evidence on this 26:40 and there's moderate evidence on this 26:40 and there's moderate evidence on this pain is very much related to how we 26:42 pain is very much related to how we 26:42 pain is very much related to how we relate ourselves to our emotions. Gut 26:44 relate ourselves to our emotions. Gut 26:44 relate ourselves to our emotions. Gut symptoms. Yeah. Literally the gut is 26:47 symptoms. Yeah. Literally the gut is 26:47 symptoms. Yeah. Literally the gut is holding on to these emotions which 26:48 holding on to these emotions which 26:48 holding on to these emotions which haven't been attuned to and for some 26:52 haven't been attuned to and for some 26:52 haven't been attuned to and for some non-specific fatigue. So I hope as we go 26:55 non-specific fatigue. So I hope as we go 26:55 non-specific fatigue. So I hope as we go through this matrix there's little light 26:56 through this matrix there's little light 26:56 through this matrix there's little light bulbs that may be going off if you 26:58 bulbs that may be going off if you 26:58 bulbs that may be going off if you notice any of these. And once again, 26:59 notice any of these. And once again, 27:00 notice any of these. And once again, very important you work with a coach or 27:01 very important you work with a coach or 27:01 very important you work with a coach or therapist, someone perhaps at the Gupta 27:03 therapist, someone perhaps at the Gupta 27:03 therapist, someone perhaps at the Gupta program to support you when you 27:05 program to support you when you 27:05 program to support you when you recognize some of this
Suppressed emotions 27:07 recognize some of this 27:07 recognize some of this emotional expression. Now, this one's 27:09 emotional expression. Now, this one's 27:09 emotional expression. Now, this one's very interesting. We often are told by a 27:12 very interesting. We often are told by a 27:12 very interesting. We often are told by a parent or a caregiver or at school, stop 27:15 parent or a caregiver or at school, stop 27:15 parent or a caregiver or at school, stop being angry, stop being sad, stop 27:18 being angry, stop being sad, stop 27:18 being angry, stop being sad, stop crying. And that means the child, child, 27:21 crying. And that means the child, child, 27:22 crying. And that means the child, child, the inner child doesn't feel safe in 27:24 the inner child doesn't feel safe in 27:24 the inner child doesn't feel safe in expressing emotions, especially anger. 27:26 expressing emotions, especially anger. 27:26 expressing emotions, especially anger. Anger is often the common one that we're 27:28 Anger is often the common one that we're 27:28 Anger is often the common one that we're not allowed to feel or express. And so 27:31 not allowed to feel or express. And so 27:31 not allowed to feel or express. And so the inner child belief can be emotions 27:33 the inner child belief can be emotions 27:33 the inner child belief can be emotions are bad. I mustn't upset others or they 27:36 are bad. I mustn't upset others or they 27:36 are bad. I mustn't upset others or they will reject me. Yeah. Because if I 27:38 will reject me. Yeah. Because if I 27:38 will reject me. Yeah. Because if I express my emotion as a child, I'm 27:39 express my emotion as a child, I'm 27:40 express my emotion as a child, I'm getting told off. I'm being told I'm 27:41 getting told off. I'm being told I'm 27:41 getting told off. I'm being told I'm bad. So emotions are bad in general, 27:43 bad. So emotions are bad in general, 27:43 bad. So emotions are bad in general, especially anger. So the emotional 27:45 especially anger. So the emotional 27:45 especially anger. So the emotional pattern in life that generates is 27:48 pattern in life that generates is 27:48 pattern in life that generates is suppressed anger. And then also 27:50 suppressed anger. And then also 27:50 suppressed anger. And then also hypervigilance of other people's moods 27:52 hypervigilance of other people's moods 27:52 hypervigilance of other people's moods because then we start thinking how is 27:54 because then we start thinking how is 27:54 because then we start thinking how is that person feeling? Am I making them 27:56 that person feeling? Am I making them 27:56 that person feeling? Am I making them angry? Am I making them upset with the 27:58 angry? Am I making them upset with the 27:58 angry? Am I making them upset with the things that I'm saying? So we become 27:59 things that I'm saying? So we become 27:59 things that I'm saying? So we become hypervigilant on other people's moods. 28:03 hypervigilant on other people's moods. 28:03 hypervigilant on other people's moods. So the life strategy that then gets 28:05 So the life strategy that then gets 28:05 So the life strategy that then gets related to this if emotions are bad is 28:08 related to this if emotions are bad is 28:08 related to this if emotions are bad is especially consistent with people 28:10 especially consistent with people 28:10 especially consistent with people pleasing and approval seeking which is I 28:13 pleasing and approval seeking which is I 28:13 pleasing and approval seeking which is I have these emotions but I can't express 28:17 have these emotions but I can't express 28:17 have these emotions but I can't express them. So therefore I must people please. 28:19 them. So therefore I must people please. 28:19 them. So therefore I must people please. I'm not going to be my authentic self 28:21 I'm not going to be my authentic self 28:21 I'm not going to be my authentic self anymore. I'm going to hold myself back 28:24 anymore. I'm going to hold myself back 28:24 anymore. I'm going to hold myself back and just say what I want other people to 28:26 and just say what I want other people to 28:26 and just say what I want other people to hear so they will approve of me and then 28:28 hear so they will approve of me and then 28:28 hear so they will approve of me and then won't put me down and put me in danger. 28:30 won't put me down and put me in danger. 28:30 won't put me down and put me in danger. So these are survival responses, people 28:33 So these are survival responses, people 28:33 So these are survival responses, people pleasing, approval seeking. 28:36 pleasing, approval seeking. 28:36 pleasing, approval seeking. And another one is the rationalizer 28:38 And another one is the rationalizer 28:38 And another one is the rationalizer where emotions are bad. I'm told by my 28:41 where emotions are bad. I'm told by my 28:41 where emotions are bad. I'm told by my mother or father or anyone 28:43 mother or father or anyone 28:43 mother or father or anyone that emotions are bad. They're 28:45 that emotions are bad. They're 28:45 that emotions are bad. They're dangerous. They're not to be 28:46 dangerous. They're not to be 28:46 dangerous. They're not to be experienced. They're not to be 28:47 experienced. They're not to be 28:47 experienced. They're not to be expressed. And therefore I'll just use 28:50 expressed. And therefore I'll just use 28:50 expressed. And therefore I'll just use my intellect to rationalize everything 28:52 my intellect to rationalize everything 28:52 my intellect to rationalize everything around me. And in that way I then can 28:54 around me. And in that way I then can 28:54 around me. And in that way I then can avoid these difficult emotions. So we 28:56 avoid these difficult emotions. So we 28:56 avoid these difficult emotions. So we can use rationality as a methodology to 29:00 can use rationality as a methodology to 29:00 can use rationality as a methodology to numb out from these emotions. 29:06 The attachment styles that then once 29:06 The attachment styles that then once again can be anxious. They can be 29:08 again can be anxious. They can be 29:08 again can be anxious. They can be codependency in the partner's state 29:09 codependency in the partner's state 29:09 codependency in the partner's state where you're looking to keep tuning in. 29:11 where you're looking to keep tuning in. 29:11 where you're looking to keep tuning in. Have I made them angry? And you start 29:13 Have I made them angry? And you start 29:13 Have I made them angry? And you start rerunning conversations. Have I hurt 29:15 rerunning conversations. Have I hurt 29:15 rerunning conversations. Have I hurt them? Yeah. which then puts you in a 29:17 them? Yeah. which then puts you in a 29:17 them? Yeah. which then puts you in a very submissive state. And in that 29:19 very submissive state. And in that 29:19 very submissive state. And in that submissive state that then impacts to 29:22 submissive state that then impacts to 29:22 submissive state that then impacts to create a nervous system which can 29:24 create a nervous system which can 29:24 create a nervous system which can actually be in that stress response and 29:26 actually be in that stress response and 29:26 actually be in that stress response and we know from the research can actually 29:28 we know from the research can actually 29:28 we know from the research can actually cause blood pressure issues, muscle 29:31 cause blood pressure issues, muscle 29:31 cause blood pressure issues, muscle tension and reduced recovery signaling 29:33 tension and reduced recovery signaling 29:33 tension and reduced recovery signaling in terms of recovering from stress. 29:35 in terms of recovering from stress. 29:36 in terms of recovering from stress. Yeah. So a lot of vascular stress is put 29:38 Yeah. So a lot of vascular stress is put 29:38 Yeah. So a lot of vascular stress is put on the system when we don't express our 29:39 on the system when we don't express our 29:39 on the system when we don't express our emotions. And this is actually in the 29:41 emotions. And this is actually in the 29:41 emotions. And this is actually in the literature. As I said, we spent years 29:43 literature. As I said, we spent years 29:43 literature. As I said, we spent years researching thousands different studies 29:45 researching thousands different studies 29:45 researching thousands different studies and also AI now has the ability to churn 29:48 and also AI now has the ability to churn 29:48 and also AI now has the ability to churn through the millions of studies out 29:49 through the millions of studies out 29:49 through the millions of studies out there. And it seems to be pointing to 29:50 there. And it seems to be pointing to 29:50 there. And it seems to be pointing to this idea of vascular stress and 29:53 this idea of vascular stress and 29:53 this idea of vascular stress and migraines and pain, blood pressure being 29:55 migraines and pain, blood pressure being 29:55 migraines and pain, blood pressure being impacted on our by our inability to feel 29:59 impacted on our by our inability to feel 29:59 impacted on our by our inability to feel our emotions and then essentially fing 30:02 our emotions and then essentially fing 30:02 our emotions and then essentially fing people pleasing. It's often called fning 30:05 people pleasing. It's often called fning 30:05 people pleasing. It's often called fning where you f you don't want to be your 30:07 where you f you don't want to be your 30:07 where you f you don't want to be your true self or authentic self. Another
Grief and validation 30:11 true self or authentic self. Another 30:11 true self or authentic self. Another missing piece, the inability to handle 30:14 missing piece, the inability to handle 30:14 missing piece, the inability to handle loss or pain. So, as a child, when 30:17 loss or pain. So, as a child, when 30:17 loss or pain. So, as a child, when things don't go our way, there is loss. 30:20 things don't go our way, there is loss. 30:20 things don't go our way, there is loss. There is grief as a result of that. 30:22 There is grief as a result of that. 30:22 There is grief as a result of that. Maybe we didn't, as a silly example, get 30:24 Maybe we didn't, as a silly example, get 30:24 Maybe we didn't, as a silly example, get the toy that we wanted or perhaps there 30:26 the toy that we wanted or perhaps there 30:26 the toy that we wanted or perhaps there was someone in our lives that was there, 30:28 was someone in our lives that was there, 30:28 was someone in our lives that was there, but traumatically they passed away. 30:31 but traumatically they passed away. 30:31 but traumatically they passed away. Yeah. And if we aren't taught to grieve, 30:34 Yeah. And if we aren't taught to grieve, 30:34 Yeah. And if we aren't taught to grieve, to mourn, to show that I'm upset, this 30:37 to mourn, to show that I'm upset, this 30:37 to mourn, to show that I'm upset, this also can be detrimental to our health. 30:41 also can be detrimental to our health. 30:41 also can be detrimental to our health. The emotional pattern becomes grief and 30:43 The emotional pattern becomes grief and 30:43 The emotional pattern becomes grief and sadness isn't something I'm allowed to 30:45 sadness isn't something I'm allowed to 30:45 sadness isn't something I'm allowed to experience or feel. And there can be 30:46 experience or feel. And there can be 30:46 experience or feel. And there can be literally a bodily dissociation from our 30:49 literally a bodily dissociation from our 30:49 literally a bodily dissociation from our physical body, which then once again uh 30:53 physical body, which then once again uh 30:53 physical body, which then once again uh gives that idea of the body keeps the 30:55 gives that idea of the body keeps the 30:55 gives that idea of the body keeps the sto the score, the very famous book 30:57 sto the score, the very famous book 30:57 sto the score, the very famous book because the body is holding on to those 30:59 because the body is holding on to those 30:59 because the body is holding on to those physical emotions in the energy centers 31:00 physical emotions in the energy centers 31:00 physical emotions in the energy centers of the body. So where do we feel that 31:02 of the body. So where do we feel that 31:02 of the body. So where do we feel that energy? Generally grief and sadness we 31:04 energy? Generally grief and sadness we 31:04 energy? Generally grief and sadness we feel around the throat and chest area. 31:06 feel around the throat and chest area. 31:06 feel around the throat and chest area. Anxiety and fear we feel in the chest 31:08 Anxiety and fear we feel in the chest 31:08 Anxiety and fear we feel in the chest and stomach area. Anger is often 31:11 and stomach area. Anger is often 31:11 and stomach area. Anger is often associated with the cardiovascular 31:12 associated with the cardiovascular 31:12 associated with the cardiovascular system and also the head and migraines 31:14 system and also the head and migraines 31:14 system and also the head and migraines and headaches. 31:16 and headaches. 31:16 and headaches. The life strategy can be once again 31:18 The life strategy can be once again 31:18 The life strategy can be once again distracting and numbing out. And the 31:20 distracting and numbing out. And the 31:20 distracting and numbing out. And the inner critic can actually be elevated 31:23 inner critic can actually be elevated 31:23 inner critic can actually be elevated because uh now that we have this grief 31:25 because uh now that we have this grief 31:25 because uh now that we have this grief and sadness, we're told that we're wrong 31:27 and sadness, we're told that we're wrong 31:27 and sadness, we're told that we're wrong for having it. There must be something 31:28 for having it. There must be something 31:28 for having it. There must be something wrong with us. And then we just start 31:30 wrong with us. And then we just start 31:30 wrong with us. And then we just start becoming the endurer. I won't bother 31:32 becoming the endurer. I won't bother 31:32 becoming the endurer. I won't bother people with it. I've got my pain. I just 31:34 people with it. I've got my pain. I just 31:34 people with it. I've got my pain. I just need to hold on to it and just try and 31:36 need to hold on to it and just try and 31:36 need to hold on to it and just try and get through life. And the attachment 31:39 get through life. And the attachment 31:39 get through life. And the attachment styles can then be this dismissive 31:41 styles can then be this dismissive 31:41 styles can then be this dismissive avoidant where well, I've got this pain 31:42 avoidant where well, I've got this pain 31:42 avoidant where well, I've got this pain that I'm dealing with. A relationship is 31:45 that I'm dealing with. A relationship is 31:45 that I'm dealing with. A relationship is too much. Let me just uh feel less 31:48 too much. Let me just uh feel less 31:48 too much. Let me just uh feel less anxious out of being in relationships 31:50 anxious out of being in relationships 31:50 anxious out of being in relationships because I've got this grief that I'm 31:51 because I've got this grief that I'm 31:51 because I've got this grief that I'm holding on to. And in the nervous 31:53 holding on to. And in the nervous 31:53 holding on to. And in the nervous system, we know that this can cause 31:54 system, we know that this can cause 31:54 system, we know that this can cause immune dysregulation. So people who are 31:56 immune dysregulation. So people who are 31:56 immune dysregulation. So people who are holding on to grief or who haven't 31:58 holding on to grief or who haven't 31:58 holding on to grief or who haven't processed a bereiement can actually have 32:01 processed a bereiement can actually have 32:01 processed a bereiement can actually have a huge amount of disregulation in their 32:02 a huge amount of disregulation in their 32:02 a huge amount of disregulation in their immune system and we know there's 32:03 immune system and we know there's 32:03 immune system and we know there's changes in the inflammatory signaling as 32:05 changes in the inflammatory signaling as 32:05 changes in the inflammatory signaling as well NK cells inflammation etc. And it 32:08 well NK cells inflammation etc. And it 32:08 well NK cells inflammation etc. And it can contribute to depression, immune 32:10 can contribute to depression, immune 32:10 can contribute to depression, immune system changes, and obviously 32:12 system changes, and obviously 32:12 system changes, and obviously contributing to general inflammatory 32:14 contributing to general inflammatory 32:14 contributing to general inflammatory conditions. And inflammation can be a 32:16 conditions. And inflammation can be a 32:16 conditions. And inflammation can be a general risk factor for many different 32:18 general risk factor for many different 32:18 general risk factor for many different illnesses. 32:20 illnesses. 32:20 illnesses. And once again, as we go through this, 32:22 And once again, as we go through this, 32:22 And once again, as we go through this, right, it can feel like gosh, I can't 32:23 right, it can feel like gosh, I can't 32:23 right, it can feel like gosh, I can't keep going through all of this. This is 32:24 keep going through all of this. This is 32:24 keep going through all of this. This is all very depressing. It's just to build 32:27 all very depressing. It's just to build 32:27 all very depressing. It's just to build awareness so that we can know that 32:29 awareness so that we can know that 32:29 awareness so that we can know that through the power of neuroplasticity, we 32:31 through the power of neuroplasticity, we 32:31 through the power of neuroplasticity, we can retrain these old patterns that just 32:35 can retrain these old patterns that just 32:35 can retrain these old patterns that just came from childhood, right? They're old 32:38 came from childhood, right? They're old 32:38 came from childhood, right? They're old patterns and actually there's a triple 32:40 patterns and actually there's a triple 32:40 patterns and actually there's a triple whammy. First of all, they're lies that 32:42 whammy. First of all, they're lies that 32:42 whammy. First of all, they're lies that we keep telling ourselves because they 32:44 we keep telling ourselves because they 32:44 we keep telling ourselves because they were based on a survival strategy from 32:46 were based on a survival strategy from 32:46 were based on a survival strategy from years ago and now we keep thinking 32:49 years ago and now we keep thinking 32:49 years ago and now we keep thinking that's the same now. So we continually 32:51 that's the same now. So we continually 32:51 that's the same now. So we continually keep lying to ourselves that this is the 32:52 keep lying to ourselves that this is the 32:52 keep lying to ourselves that this is the way it is right now. And secondly, it 32:55 way it is right now. And secondly, it 32:55 way it is right now. And secondly, it then impacts on our health and 32:56 then impacts on our health and 32:56 then impacts on our health and well-being. And thirdly, 32:59 well-being. And thirdly, 32:59 well-being. And thirdly, it's something which then impacts on our 33:02 it's something which then impacts on our 33:02 it's something which then impacts on our future relationships, our future way of 33:03 future relationships, our future way of 33:04 future relationships, our future way of interacting with people, right? And once 33:06 interacting with people, right? And once 33:06 interacting with people, right? And once again, keeping our nervous and stress 33:08 again, keeping our nervous and stress 33:08 again, keeping our nervous and stress systems elevated.
Internal and external needs 33:11 systems elevated. 33:11 systems elevated. Another one here, missing unconditional 33:13 Another one here, missing unconditional 33:13 Another one here, missing unconditional love and validation. Yeah. Now, this is 33:15 love and validation. Yeah. Now, this is 33:15 love and validation. Yeah. Now, this is obviously a really big one that a child 33:18 obviously a really big one that a child 33:18 obviously a really big one that a child as it's growing up is so vulnerable that 33:21 as it's growing up is so vulnerable that 33:21 as it's growing up is so vulnerable that it needs that constant attention to feel 33:24 it needs that constant attention to feel 33:24 it needs that constant attention to feel like it's loved because if it's not 33:26 like it's loved because if it's not 33:26 like it's loved because if it's not loved, it could be abandoned. And if a 33:28 loved, it could be abandoned. And if a 33:28 loved, it could be abandoned. And if a child is abandoned, it cannot survive. 33:29 child is abandoned, it cannot survive. 33:29 child is abandoned, it cannot survive. So these are deep evolutionary 33:31 So these are deep evolutionary 33:31 So these are deep evolutionary biological programmed responses to help 33:34 biological programmed responses to help 33:34 biological programmed responses to help us navigate the world around us. So if a 33:38 us navigate the world around us. So if a 33:38 us navigate the world around us. So if a child feels that love is conditional on 33:41 child feels that love is conditional on 33:41 child feels that love is conditional on it performing on it doing well on it 33:44 it performing on it doing well on it 33:44 it performing on it doing well on it perhaps numbing its emotions then it 33:47 perhaps numbing its emotions then it 33:47 perhaps numbing its emotions then it starts learning that I'm not good enough 33:48 starts learning that I'm not good enough 33:48 starts learning that I'm not good enough just the way I am. I need to perform to 33:51 just the way I am. I need to perform to 33:51 just the way I am. I need to perform to actually feel loved and validated. So 33:54 actually feel loved and validated. So 33:54 actually feel loved and validated. So the belief can be there's something 33:56 the belief can be there's something 33:56 the belief can be there's something wrong with me. It's my fault. bad. I 34:00 wrong with me. It's my fault. bad. I 34:00 wrong with me. It's my fault. bad. I can't be authentic. I'm not lovable. 34:02 can't be authentic. I'm not lovable. 34:02 can't be authentic. I'm not lovable. Yeah, that fear of rejection, a fear 34:04 Yeah, that fear of rejection, a fear 34:04 Yeah, that fear of rejection, a fear that I'm at my core not lovable. And 34:07 that I'm at my core not lovable. And 34:07 that I'm at my core not lovable. And something that I want to mention in a 34:08 something that I want to mention in a 34:08 something that I want to mention in a very careful way is that sometimes many 34:13 very careful way is that sometimes many 34:13 very careful way is that sometimes many of our clients notice that some of their 34:15 of our clients notice that some of their 34:15 of our clients notice that some of their caregivers may have displayed certain 34:18 caregivers may have displayed certain 34:18 caregivers may have displayed certain narcissistic traits 34:21 narcissistic traits 34:21 narcissistic traits right through to full-blown narcissistic 34:23 right through to full-blown narcissistic 34:23 right through to full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. or they may have 34:25 personality disorder. or they may have 34:25 personality disorder. or they may have displayed borderline traits, borderline 34:27 displayed borderline traits, borderline 34:27 displayed borderline traits, borderline personality disorder. And these often 34:29 personality disorder. And these often 34:29 personality disorder. And these often are common. And once again, it's not 34:32 are common. And once again, it's not 34:32 are common. And once again, it's not about necessarily having huge amount of 34:34 about necessarily having huge amount of 34:34 about necessarily having huge amount of blame. You know, everyone's doing the 34:35 blame. You know, everyone's doing the 34:35 blame. You know, everyone's doing the best that they can, but some of these 34:36 best that they can, but some of these 34:36 best that they can, but some of these personality traits from a caregiver or a 34:39 personality traits from a caregiver or a 34:39 personality traits from a caregiver or a parent can magnify the chances of some 34:42 parent can magnify the chances of some 34:42 parent can magnify the chances of some of these beliefs being created. So, it's 34:44 of these beliefs being created. So, it's 34:44 of these beliefs being created. So, it's just something to to be aware of. And 34:46 just something to to be aware of. And 34:46 just something to to be aware of. And I've done a whole separate event on uh 34:49 I've done a whole separate event on uh 34:49 I've done a whole separate event on uh borderline and p and narcissistic traits 34:51 borderline and p and narcissistic traits 34:51 borderline and p and narcissistic traits that can impact on our attachment styles 34:54 that can impact on our attachment styles 34:54 that can impact on our attachment styles and on our emotional patterns. 34:57 and on our emotional patterns. 34:58 and on our emotional patterns. So what's the emotional pattern that 34:59 So what's the emotional pattern that 34:59 So what's the emotional pattern that could then occur as thinking there's 35:01 could then occur as thinking there's 35:01 could then occur as thinking there's something wrong with me? It can be shame 35:04 something wrong with me? It can be shame 35:04 something wrong with me? It can be shame and guilt. That's the core uh vibration. 35:07 and guilt. That's the core uh vibration. 35:07 and guilt. That's the core uh vibration. That's one of the lowest vibrations that 35:08 That's one of the lowest vibrations that 35:08 That's one of the lowest vibrations that we can experience is thinking there's 35:10 we can experience is thinking there's 35:10 we can experience is thinking there's constantly something wrong with me. That 35:11 constantly something wrong with me. That 35:11 constantly something wrong with me. That I'm shamed. Yeah, I'm guilty. I'm not 35:14 I'm shamed. Yeah, I'm guilty. I'm not 35:14 I'm shamed. Yeah, I'm guilty. I'm not right the way I am. 35:17 right the way I am. 35:17 right the way I am. And there can be another other emotional 35:18 And there can be another other emotional 35:18 And there can be another other emotional patterns insecurity etc. And the life 35:21 patterns insecurity etc. And the life 35:21 patterns insecurity etc. And the life strategy becomes actually let me become 35:24 strategy becomes actually let me become 35:24 strategy becomes actually let me become my own critic because if I put myself 35:26 my own critic because if I put myself 35:26 my own critic because if I put myself down then it prevents others putting me 35:29 down then it prevents others putting me 35:29 down then it prevents others putting me down because I will motivate myself 35:31 down because I will motivate myself 35:31 down because I will motivate myself through inner criticism. That's the uh 35:34 through inner criticism. That's the uh 35:34 through inner criticism. That's the uh pattern and that often is reinforced by 35:36 pattern and that often is reinforced by 35:36 pattern and that often is reinforced by negative reinforcement that a child will 35:39 negative reinforcement that a child will 35:39 negative reinforcement that a child will do better if we put them down. So that 35:41 do better if we put them down. So that 35:41 do better if we put them down. So that inner critic develops in us like a in a 35:43 inner critic develops in us like a in a 35:43 inner critic develops in us like a in a a ghost from our past. We become 35:46 a ghost from our past. We become 35:46 a ghost from our past. We become perfectionist. 35:47 perfectionist. 35:48 perfectionist. If I do things perfectly, then I will 35:50 If I do things perfectly, then I will 35:50 If I do things perfectly, then I will show that I'm worthy of love and 35:52 show that I'm worthy of love and 35:52 show that I'm worthy of love and validation. If I overachieve, 35:55 validation. If I overachieve, 35:56 validation. If I overachieve, that's also a mask that we wear. And 35:58 that's also a mask that we wear. And 35:58 that's also a mask that we wear. And these aren't our authentic self. So 35:59 these aren't our authentic self. So 35:59 these aren't our authentic self. So these are like little children running 36:01 these are like little children running 36:01 these are like little children running around in our unconscious. 36:03 around in our unconscious. 36:03 around in our unconscious. They're all doing something that is 36:05 They're all doing something that is 36:05 They're all doing something that is protective that they think is good for 36:06 protective that they think is good for 36:06 protective that they think is good for us, but in fact doesn't mean we're 36:09 us, but in fact doesn't mean we're 36:09 us, but in fact doesn't mean we're leading an authentic life. We're just 36:10 leading an authentic life. We're just 36:10 leading an authentic life. We're just leading a life according to these masks 36:12 leading a life according to these masks 36:12 leading a life according to these masks and these ego shells. 36:16 and these ego shells. 36:16 and these ego shells. Once again, we don't want to be angry at 36:17 Once again, we don't want to be angry at 36:17 Once again, we don't want to be angry at these parts of us. They're doing the 36:19 these parts of us. They're doing the 36:19 these parts of us. They're doing the best that they can. And helping and 36:21 best that they can. And helping and 36:21 best that they can. And helping and rescuing. If I'm helping and rescuing 36:23 rescuing. If I'm helping and rescuing 36:23 rescuing. If I'm helping and rescuing others, people will love me and 36:25 others, people will love me and 36:25 others, people will love me and validate. And I'll learn that. So, the 36:28 validate. And I'll learn that. So, the 36:28 validate. And I'll learn that. So, the attachment styles that can become 36:29 attachment styles that can become 36:29 attachment styles that can become associated with that are anxious 36:31 associated with that are anxious 36:31 associated with that are anxious attachment, overgiving, and being very 36:34 attachment, overgiving, and being very 36:34 attachment, overgiving, and being very sensitive to criticism. Because if we 36:36 sensitive to criticism. Because if we 36:36 sensitive to criticism. Because if we haven't felt validated, then although 36:38 haven't felt validated, then although 36:38 haven't felt validated, then although we're trying to prove ourselves, any 36:40 we're trying to prove ourselves, any 36:40 we're trying to prove ourselves, any little criticism then feels all the more 36:42 little criticism then feels all the more 36:42 little criticism then feels all the more powerful. And in our nervous system and 36:44 powerful. And in our nervous system and 36:44 powerful. And in our nervous system and immune system, this can 36:47 immune system, this can 36:47 immune system, this can manifest as chronic stress in the 36:50 manifest as chronic stress in the 36:50 manifest as chronic stress in the nervous system, high altatic load, and 36:53 nervous system, high altatic load, and 36:53 nervous system, high altatic load, and once again, we know from the literature, 36:54 once again, we know from the literature, 36:54 once again, we know from the literature, high levels of inflammatory signaling as 36:56 high levels of inflammatory signaling as 36:56 high levels of inflammatory signaling as well. It can be associated with burnout, 37:00 well. It can be associated with burnout, 37:00 well. It can be associated with burnout, low mood, once again autoimmune symptoms 37:02 low mood, once again autoimmune symptoms 37:02 low mood, once again autoimmune symptoms and fatigue syndromes as well. This is a 37:05 and fatigue syndromes as well. This is a 37:05 and fatigue syndromes as well. This is a very core one here. Once again, now that 37:09 very core one here. Once again, now that 37:09 very core one here. Once again, now that we recognize this, 37:11 we recognize this, 37:12 we recognize this, it's recognizing ah with this awareness, 37:14 it's recognizing ah with this awareness, 37:14 it's recognizing ah with this awareness, I can now see why I do the things that I 37:16 I can now see why I do the things that I 37:16 I can now see why I do the things that I do, why I behave the way that I behave. 37:18 do, why I behave the way that I behave. 37:18 do, why I behave the way that I behave. And at the core of it comes down to 37:21 And at the core of it comes down to 37:21 And at the core of it comes down to working with our parts, healing the 37:23 working with our parts, healing the 37:23 working with our parts, healing the critic, the perfectionist, the 37:25 critic, the perfectionist, the 37:25 critic, the perfectionist, the overachiever. We heal those parts. It 37:27 overachiever. We heal those parts. It 37:27 overachiever. We heal those parts. It opens up a doorway to then gradually 37:29 opens up a doorway to then gradually 37:29 opens up a doorway to then gradually healing even Kyle the inner child within 37:32 healing even Kyle the inner child within 37:32 healing even Kyle the inner child within us. These are all stages. You remember 37:34 us. These are all stages. You remember 37:34 us. These are all stages. You remember the layers diagram I spoke about in the 37:36 the layers diagram I spoke about in the 37:36 the layers diagram I spoke about in the Gupt program? We go through those 37:39 Gupt program? We go through those 37:39 Gupt program? We go through those layers.
Childhood and authenticity 37:41 layers. 37:41 layers. Agency. 37:43 Agency. 37:43 Agency. So this is where a child feels I have no 37:45 So this is where a child feels I have no 37:45 So this is where a child feels I have no control. There's no point trying. So if 37:47 control. There's no point trying. So if 37:47 control. There's no point trying. So if there's a lot of pain they're 37:48 there's a lot of pain they're 37:48 there's a lot of pain they're experiencing, a lot of control, a lot of 37:50 experiencing, a lot of control, a lot of 37:50 experiencing, a lot of control, a lot of a lot of dominance over a child, they 37:53 a lot of dominance over a child, they 37:53 a lot of dominance over a child, they feel they don't have any influence. no 37:55 feel they don't have any influence. no 37:55 feel they don't have any influence. no agency. So this can manifest as 37:57 agency. So this can manifest as 37:57 agency. So this can manifest as helplessness, feeling the victim, 37:59 helplessness, feeling the victim, 37:59 helplessness, feeling the victim, silence, just numbing out and the life 38:02 silence, just numbing out and the life 38:02 silence, just numbing out and the life strategy becomes feeling like a victim 38:04 strategy becomes feeling like a victim 38:04 strategy becomes feeling like a victim of life, feeling disempowered. And this 38:07 of life, feeling disempowered. And this 38:07 of life, feeling disempowered. And this can be contributing to dismissive 38:09 can be contributing to dismissive 38:09 can be contributing to dismissive avoidance strategies and a difficulty 38:12 avoidance strategies and a difficulty 38:12 avoidance strategies and a difficulty asserting one's needs. And this is some 38:14 asserting one's needs. And this is some 38:14 asserting one's needs. And this is some really interesting uh data. This often 38:17 really interesting uh data. This often 38:17 really interesting uh data. This often shows up as freeze responses where a 38:19 shows up as freeze responses where a 38:19 shows up as freeze responses where a person find it difficult to navigate 38:21 person find it difficult to navigate 38:21 person find it difficult to navigate day-to-day life. threat is magnified and 38:24 day-to-day life. threat is magnified and 38:24 day-to-day life. threat is magnified and so the whole system just shuts down. So 38:26 so the whole system just shuts down. So 38:26 so the whole system just shuts down. So someone can have something happen to 38:27 someone can have something happen to 38:27 someone can have something happen to them. Yeah. A stress in at work and 38:31 them. Yeah. A stress in at work and 38:31 them. Yeah. A stress in at work and because the system is used to this 38:32 because the system is used to this 38:32 because the system is used to this defense strategy, the whole system can 38:35 defense strategy, the whole system can 38:35 defense strategy, the whole system can shut down. People can go into paralysis 38:37 shut down. People can go into paralysis 38:37 shut down. People can go into paralysis as a result of an argument or being put 38:39 as a result of an argument or being put 38:39 as a result of an argument or being put down or a difficulty in life. So this is 38:42 down or a difficulty in life. So this is 38:42 down or a difficulty in life. So this is a really important um aspect of our past 38:46 a really important um aspect of our past 38:46 a really important um aspect of our past to recognize and retrain and reprogram 38:50 to recognize and retrain and reprogram 38:50 to recognize and retrain and reprogram that can cause these burnout patterns 38:52 that can cause these burnout patterns 38:52 that can cause these burnout patterns very quickly when we feel like we don't 38:55 very quickly when we feel like we don't 38:55 very quickly when we feel like we don't have agency. We not we are disempowered. 38:58 have agency. We not we are disempowered. 38:58 have agency. We not we are disempowered. Finally, just going through our last 38:59 Finally, just going through our last 39:00 Finally, just going through our last couple. So missing a sense of belonging. 39:02 couple. So missing a sense of belonging. 39:02 couple. So missing a sense of belonging. If a child feels it doesn't belong in 39:05 If a child feels it doesn't belong in 39:05 If a child feels it doesn't belong in the family, yeah, it feels like it has 39:08 the family, yeah, it feels like it has 39:08 the family, yeah, it feels like it has to cope alone. This is often if another 39:10 to cope alone. This is often if another 39:10 to cope alone. This is often if another sibling is preferred or a child is 39:12 sibling is preferred or a child is 39:12 sibling is preferred or a child is constantly compared to others or it just 39:14 constantly compared to others or it just 39:14 constantly compared to others or it just doesn't feel like it fits because it's 39:15 doesn't feel like it fits because it's 39:15 doesn't feel like it fits because it's not given that warmth and association in 39:17 not given that warmth and association in 39:18 not given that warmth and association in the family and that attention. The 39:20 the family and that attention. The 39:20 the family and that attention. The emotional pattern can be a sense of 39:21 emotional pattern can be a sense of 39:21 emotional pattern can be a sense of loneliness. Yeah. Even around people a 39:24 loneliness. Yeah. Even around people a 39:24 loneliness. Yeah. Even around people a person can feel lonely in a crowd and 39:26 person can feel lonely in a crowd and 39:26 person can feel lonely in a crowd and this is often down to this feeling of 39:28 this is often down to this feeling of 39:28 this is often down to this feeling of not feeling a sense of belonging is 39:29 not feeling a sense of belonging is 39:29 not feeling a sense of belonging is growing up. The life strategy can be 39:32 growing up. The life strategy can be 39:32 growing up. The life strategy can be being a loner avoidance strategy. So 39:34 being a loner avoidance strategy. So 39:34 being a loner avoidance strategy. So anxious avoidant 39:36 anxious avoidant 39:36 anxious avoidant and we know from the research this is 39:38 and we know from the research this is 39:38 and we know from the research this is where we get a huge amount of stress in 39:40 where we get a huge amount of stress in 39:40 where we get a huge amount of stress in the nervous system immune system and a 39:42 the nervous system immune system and a 39:42 the nervous system immune system and a higher cardioabolic risk and mortality. 39:45 higher cardioabolic risk and mortality. 39:45 higher cardioabolic risk and mortality. So loneliness is one of those is the 39:47 So loneliness is one of those is the 39:47 So loneliness is one of those is the highest risk factor for all cause 39:48 highest risk factor for all cause 39:48 highest risk factor for all cause mortality. Uh we know there are higher 39:51 mortality. Uh we know there are higher 39:51 mortality. Uh we know there are higher inflammatory markers and accelerated 39:53 inflammatory markers and accelerated 39:53 inflammatory markers and accelerated aging markers as well. So loneliness is 39:55 aging markers as well. So loneliness is 39:55 aging markers as well. So loneliness is something that we want to reduce in 39:58 something that we want to reduce in 39:58 something that we want to reduce in society from a practical level. So we 40:00 society from a practical level. So we 40:00 society from a practical level. So we want people to interact more with people 40:01 want people to interact more with people 40:01 want people to interact more with people but also at an internal subjective level 40:04 but also at an internal subjective level 40:04 but also at an internal subjective level reducing our sense of loneliness 40:05 reducing our sense of loneliness 40:05 reducing our sense of loneliness reaching out to others. So if we feel 40:07 reaching out to others. So if we feel 40:07 reaching out to others. So if we feel lonely do we reach our hand out first to 40:10 lonely do we reach our hand out first to 40:10 lonely do we reach our hand out first to support others. 40:13 support others. 40:13 support others. And finally missing that sense of 40:16 And finally missing that sense of 40:16 And finally missing that sense of childhood. 40:17 childhood. 40:17 childhood. Sometimes a child has to grow up really 40:19 Sometimes a child has to grow up really 40:19 Sometimes a child has to grow up really fast if their parents are displaying 40:22 fast if their parents are displaying 40:22 fast if their parents are displaying emotional immaturity or they have a 40:26 emotional immaturity or they have a 40:26 emotional immaturity or they have a addiction. Yeah. or another challenge or 40:28 addiction. Yeah. or another challenge or 40:28 addiction. Yeah. or another challenge or they're told to be the man of the 40:30 they're told to be the man of the 40:30 they're told to be the man of the household now or the leader because the 40:33 household now or the leader because the 40:33 household now or the leader because the parents are finding it difficult to 40:34 parents are finding it difficult to 40:34 parents are finding it difficult to handle life. This means that child grows 40:36 handle life. This means that child grows 40:36 handle life. This means that child grows up learning that their identity is 40:38 up learning that their identity is 40:38 up learning that their identity is related to rescuing others and they 40:40 related to rescuing others and they 40:40 related to rescuing others and they can't be their authentic self. Yeah, 40:41 can't be their authentic self. Yeah, 40:42 can't be their authentic self. Yeah, that's the inner child belief. So the 40:43 that's the inner child belief. So the 40:44 that's the inner child belief. So the emotional pattern is over responsibility 40:45 emotional pattern is over responsibility 40:45 emotional pattern is over responsibility and that creates a feeling of resentment 40:48 and that creates a feeling of resentment 40:48 and that creates a feeling of resentment that why can't I be playful and be a 40:50 that why can't I be playful and be a 40:50 that why can't I be playful and be a child? Why am I having to rescue 40:52 child? Why am I having to rescue 40:52 child? Why am I having to rescue everybody else? And the life strategy 40:55 everybody else? And the life strategy 40:55 everybody else? And the life strategy can then be being identified with being 40:57 can then be being identified with being 40:57 can then be being identified with being the helper and rescue in life, the 40:58 the helper and rescue in life, the 40:58 the helper and rescue in life, the martyr for others, which then creates 41:02 martyr for others, which then creates 41:02 martyr for others, which then creates once again a whole host of different 41:03 once again a whole host of different 41:03 once again a whole host of different attachment styles. And once again, these 41:05 attachment styles. And once again, these 41:05 attachment styles. And once again, these are examples. So everything we're going 41:06 are examples. So everything we're going 41:06 are examples. So everything we're going through are examples and it's not 100% 41:10 through are examples and it's not 100% 41:10 through are examples and it's not 100% like this. These are just patterns. It's 41:12 like this. These are just patterns. It's 41:12 like this. These are just patterns. It's not a science is an art. And then in our 41:15 not a science is an art. And then in our 41:15 not a science is an art. And then in our nervous and immune system, this can 41:17 nervous and immune system, this can 41:17 nervous and immune system, this can create sympathetic activation, poor 41:19 create sympathetic activation, poor 41:19 create sympathetic activation, poor recovery cycles from stress and once 41:21 recovery cycles from stress and once 41:21 recovery cycles from stress and once burnout, fatigue and inflammatory 41:23 burnout, fatigue and inflammatory 41:23 burnout, fatigue and inflammatory symptoms. And in our model, as those 41:25 symptoms. And in our model, as those 41:25 symptoms. And in our model, as those increase, if the protector parts then 41:28 increase, if the protector parts then 41:28 increase, if the protector parts then recognize those as dangerous and our 41:30 recognize those as dangerous and our 41:30 recognize those as dangerous and our life strategies as dangerous, they can 41:32 life strategies as dangerous, they can 41:32 life strategies as dangerous, they can become a vicious cycle. And that's where 41:34 become a vicious cycle. And that's where 41:34 become a vicious cycle. And that's where a acute illness can then turn into a 41:36 a acute illness can then turn into a 41:36 a acute illness can then turn into a chronic illness. And this is part of our 41:40 chronic illness. And this is part of our 41:40 chronic illness. And this is part of our trauma protection matrix. So it's a 41:41 trauma protection matrix. So it's a 41:41 trauma protection matrix. So it's a whole matrix of how these childhood 41:45 whole matrix of how these childhood 41:45 whole matrix of how these childhood needs become missing or ignored creating 41:49 needs become missing or ignored creating 41:49 needs become missing or ignored creating these emotional patterns and life 41:50 these emotional patterns and life 41:50 these emotional patterns and life strategies impact on our relationships 41:52 strategies impact on our relationships 41:52 strategies impact on our relationships in terms of our attachment styles and 41:54 in terms of our attachment styles and 41:54 in terms of our attachment styles and right through to our nervous and immune 41:55 right through to our nervous and immune 41:55 right through to our nervous and immune system and the symptoms that may occur.
Conclusion and next steps 42:04 Okay. Okay. So, we've been through a lot 42:04 Okay. Okay. So, we've been through a lot of very deep and powerful content there. 42:07 of very deep and powerful content there. 42:07 of very deep and powerful content there. And what we'd love for you to now do is 42:09 And what we'd love for you to now do is 42:09 And what we'd love for you to now do is to please come on to our live um Zoom 42:14 to please come on to our live um Zoom 42:14 to please come on to our live um Zoom call where we'll be answering questions 42:16 call where we'll be answering questions 42:16 call where we'll be answering questions about this. I'm sure there a lot of 42:17 about this. I'm sure there a lot of 42:17 about this. I'm sure there a lot of questions that may come up around this. 42:19 questions that may come up around this. 42:19 questions that may come up around this. And once again, we'd like to let you 42:21 And once again, we'd like to let you 42:21 And once again, we'd like to let you know that we have a a webinar series 42:22 know that we have a a webinar series 42:22 know that we have a a webinar series coming up next week starting very soon. 42:24 coming up next week starting very soon. 42:24 coming up next week starting very soon. And that's part of this whole Gupta 42:27 And that's part of this whole Gupta 42:27 And that's part of this whole Gupta program which is all about addressing 42:28 program which is all about addressing 42:28 program which is all about addressing these physical symptoms through going 42:31 these physical symptoms through going 42:31 these physical symptoms through going through these layers these layers of 42:34 through these layers these layers of 42:34 through these layers these layers of parts and protection that are causing a 42:37 parts and protection that are causing a 42:37 parts and protection that are causing a lot of these symptoms in our bodies 42:39 lot of these symptoms in our bodies 42:39 lot of these symptoms in our bodies right through to inflammatory diseases 42:41 right through to inflammatory diseases 42:41 right through to inflammatory diseases long COVID fibromyalgia pain. We believe 42:44 long COVID fibromyalgia pain. We believe 42:44 long COVID fibromyalgia pain. We believe that this matrix now helps us come to a 42:46 that this matrix now helps us come to a 42:46 that this matrix now helps us come to a deeper understanding. And so if you want 42:48 deeper understanding. And so if you want 42:48 deeper understanding. And so if you want to uh join us we have a special discount 42:50 to uh join us we have a special discount 42:50 to uh join us we have a special discount code for anyone wanting to join in the 42:52 code for anyone wanting to join in the 42:52 code for anyone wanting to join in the next week or so. And the discount code 42:54 next week or so. And the discount code 42:54 next week or so. And the discount code is matrix75. 42:55 is matrix75. 42:55 is matrix75. So if you use the discount code matrix75 42:58 So if you use the discount code matrix75 42:58 So if you use the discount code matrix75 atguprogram.com, 42:59 atguprogram.com, 43:00 atguprogram.com, you'll get $75 uh about 63 euros off the 43:04 you'll get $75 uh about 63 euros off the 43:04 you'll get $75 uh about 63 euros off the program as our special discount just for 43:06 program as our special discount just for 43:06 program as our special discount just for the next few days until our new webinar 43:10 the next few days until our new webinar 43:10 the next few days until our new webinar series starts. So I don't think we've 43:12 series starts. So I don't think we've 43:12 series starts. So I don't think we've been through a lot of deep content 43:13 been through a lot of deep content 43:13 been through a lot of deep content there. I think it's very important that 43:14 there. I think it's very important that 43:14 there. I think it's very important that you ground yourself. Reach out for 43:17 you ground yourself. Reach out for 43:17 you ground yourself. Reach out for support to one of the goods program 43:18 support to one of the goods program 43:18 support to one of the goods program coaches if you need. And once again, the 43:21 coaches if you need. And once again, the 43:21 coaches if you need. And once again, the most important thing about this is 43:23 most important thing about this is 43:23 most important thing about this is awareness. We now can recognize some of 43:25 awareness. We now can recognize some of 43:25 awareness. We now can recognize some of the patterns that may have been from our 43:27 the patterns that may have been from our 43:27 the patterns that may have been from our past and how it impacts on our current 43:29 past and how it impacts on our current 43:29 past and how it impacts on our current parts of behaviors and now look to 43:31 parts of behaviors and now look to 43:31 parts of behaviors and now look to retrain that. And there can be many 43:33 retrain that. And there can be many 43:33 retrain that. And there can be many different pathways and avenues for that. 43:34 different pathways and avenues for that. 43:34 different pathways and avenues for that. And we hope that you'll join us at our 43:36 And we hope that you'll join us at our 43:36 And we hope that you'll join us at our 12week uh program on the Gupta program 43:39 12week uh program on the Gupta program 43:40 12week uh program on the Gupta program support you in recognize these layers 43:43 support you in recognize these layers 43:43 support you in recognize these layers engage with retraining to deepen your 43:45 engage with retraining to deepen your 43:45 engage with retraining to deepen your health and happiness so that you are now 43:47 health and happiness so that you are now 43:47 health and happiness so that you are now empowered to be your true authentic 43:49 empowered to be your true authentic 43:49 empowered to be your true authentic self. So our team will now share the uh 43:53 self. So our team will now share the uh 43:53 self. So our team will now share the uh Zoom link where we'll go live onto Zoom 43:56 Zoom link where we'll go live onto Zoom 43:56 Zoom link where we'll go live onto Zoom and uh we can answer your questions and 43:59 and uh we can answer your questions and 43:59 and uh we can answer your questions and go deeper into some of these parts. So, 44:02 go deeper into some of these parts. So, 44:02 go deeper into some of these parts. So, thank you so much for watching and we 44:04 thank you so much for watching and we 44:04 thank you so much for watching and we look forward to seeing you next time on 44:05 look forward to seeing you next time on 44:05 look forward to seeing you next time on one of our live events. Thanks everyone. 44:07 one of our live events. Thanks everyone. 44:07 one of our live events. Thanks everyone. Please do share this. We'll see you next 44:09 Please do share this. We'll see you next 44:09 Please do share this. We'll see you next time. Bye.
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