The Standard Quo Isn’t Working: Resetting Our Home, Our Habits, and Our Standards

Opening the Eczema Elimination Method 0:00

Friends, if you are tired of managing the flare cycles and the attitude cycles and the sugar crashes and the sickness loops, if you know your home could feel calmer and stronger and more aligned, if you're ready to stop tweaking and actually redesign the system, The eczema elimination method is open. This is not a protocol. It's a full system redesign that's one-on-one, that's transformational for you, individualized. A new operating system for your home with your kids and your schedule. We address the environment and the food and the nervous system and the immune load, all of it, so you can stop guessing and start leading your home with clarity that produces real results.

calm skin, and resilient kids, and a home that feels steady here. So you can apply or book an alignment call at eczemakids.com for that. And today's episode is about exactly that. It's about raising the standards, friends, because the standard quo simply isn't working. So let's get into it. Is your child struggling with itchy nights and endless flare-ups? I'm Andrea McHugh, mom of four and host of eczema kids. Here you'll find natural solutions that actually work so you can heal your child's eczema without steroids, without the overwhelm,

Weekend Drift and Family Stress 1:18

and finally see calm, healthy skin again. Let's get into it. An all candor team this weekend was not my family's finest. We had a ballet competition that was already against what I wanted to do. I didn't sign my daughter up for it, but they needed an extra person. They said they'd cover it. So I was like, okay, sure. Yeah, we'll work that in and we'll work in the extra rehearsals. You know, her two minute debut was just this Sunday and then we were just going to go to dinner afterwards because when it ended it was 6.30 and it was Sunday and it was late and there were snippy comments from my kids and there was rudeness and there was attitude and we decided we weren't going to go to dinner.

and then you know cue the tears and the unkind words and everyone was starving and sad and then I had to cook dinner that I didn't want to cook and then two days later I had two very sick kids from all the stress and all the things and we had a birthday party on Saturday night the night before and They serve the standard Costco cupcakes and the Rice Krispie Treats and a marshmallow platter. And it wasn't just the stress. It wasn't just kids being kids. It was a real drift. It was kind of this outer body experience.

Like, I've gotten too lax in our house. You know, I have let way too much sugar creep in. I've let all the polyester creep in the bedtime. get late and the tone get lacks and I haven't been doing the foundational needs things that I need to do the planning that I need to do and sometimes that feels freeing and of course we're allowed to but what I'm realizing is allowed isn't aligned not at all because I have seen this before I've experienced this like dissonance between where I want to be and what we're actually experiencing.

And that was when my kid's eczema was at their absolute worst. And, you know, it didn't explode overnight. It drifted. They each just started with one small patch and it just quickly took over and over and over their whole bodies. And That all happened one small compromise at a time. And, you know, by the time that I tried to get a handle on it, it was too late and I didn't know what to do.

How Small Compromises Worsen Eczema 3:48

And it was an accumulation of things. It wasn't just one thing, right? That would be great because then you could nip it in the bud and stop doing that one thing, right? Or eliminate it. Just take that one thing out. But that's not how it is. That's not why any of your art kits have eczema. And then when my kids' entire bodies were inflamed and we were exhausted and it consumed our lives, I couldn't just tweak one thing. There was no time for that to see if it worked or not. I had to change everything.

The environment, the food, the products, the schedule, the mindset. Because I couldn't let my kids live like that. I couldn't let my kids be miserable in their skin. And I couldn't live like that. I was so tired it just hurt to be alive and my heart hurt seeing my kids function that way and it was hard to do all the other things that we all need to do to exist in this life right it can't just be taking care of the kids as much fun as that is you also have to work you also have to deal with your home you also have to be a spouse if you're lucky enough to be a spouse.

And this weekend, you know, I just felt that same whisper, this really big drift. And I just reminded myself that, you know, parenting, it's relentless. And that's okay. It is not passive in any way. It's architectural. Everything, everything influences our kids. Our tone, our nervous system, what's in our pantry, what's in the closet, what's on their skin, what time they go to bed, what we normalize, who we hang out with. We can't opt out of influence. You can only choose what kind of influence you allow.

And lately I've allowed a lot more than I'm comfortable with, not because I don't care, because things got easier. And what I'm realizing is that when things get easy, sometimes standards quietly fall. And now we're raising the bar again. We're re-raising the standards and not as a punishment. As leadership, we're clearing the physical environment again. Certain snacks are gone. And we're back to less than 25 grams of added sugar a day. Like, oh my goodness, guys, it is so easy to get more than 25 grams of added sugar just by breakfast, right?

halfway through breakfast so just look at every single thing you know that's like it's just a good standard to make sure that you aren't exceeding so no

Raising Standards in the Home 6:32

more than 25 grams of added sugar a day no polyester nothing dysregulated because when eczema was raging i cleared the environment out of desperation, but now I really feel like I'm doing this out of conviction. And it is not out of punishment. It is out of protection. And that is our job. That's our job as parents. It's not sheltering. It's rising up. It's doing what we were meant to do. And yeah, it's hard. It is relentless. And my kids challenge me and they're not happy about it. But guess what?

When you start to implement changes and they're out of love, they're out of protection, they're out of the desire for them to live the most fruitful, engaging vitality-filled life that they possibly can and you're making decisions from that place at the end of the day when you put your head on the pillow that place is a good place that's okay and it helps you withstand whatever you know backlash is going to come your way with kids even when they're older man it doesn't last that long if you just hold the line and that's what we're doing we're holding line so We're clearing the behavioral environment.

The snippy tones are not going to be tolerated anymore. The entitlement is not tolerated. Late nights that wreck mornings, they're adjusted. The small, you know, books that have themes that are, you know, not congruent with how I want them to be. they're not going to be here anymore. And these small misalignments compound and the standard quo just, it produces standard results. And I'm not raising standard kids. You're not raising standard kids. That's not where we want to be. Standard is frankly not good enough.

Our kids are sick. This is the sickest generation of kids ever and our kids are suffering. They're suffering in the mind and they're suffering in their bodies and they're suffering spiritually and I'm doing everything in my power, which is a lot. You can change everything. You can change everything in your home. If you're not liking the way that things are going right now, that's what's so beautiful is you can change it all. If your kids are still in your home, you can change it. And even though we're allowed to do whatever we want now and, you know, meaning they won't have an eczema flare, even if they go to birthday parties and eat pizza and cake and marshmallows and Rice Krispie Treats that also have the marshmallows in it.

It's like, They can do it. They can handle it. They can handle it. But does it build who they're becoming? No. Like it doesn't because it's not aligned. It doesn't feel aligned. And that's okay if things are going on that don't feel aligned for you.

Basics for Resilient Kids 9:45

You don't have to announce it. You don't have to explain it. You don't have to defend it. You just quietly adjust. You lead. You bring a pyrex of cupcakes that have real butter and sugar in them and that's just fine. You search out the cotton clothes. You search out the high vibe reading material. You don't allow them to be on screens and you have real limits about these things and for yourself too, right? Because they're looking at you and they see what you're doing and they see how you're acting and they see how much you look at your phone and they see how much you're engaged and You don't get a break, unfortunately, and that's okay because the structure that you're building, my goodness, does it allow for greater autonomy and freedom and joy later on?

Like all the work that I put in before, my goodness, we're still reaping what we sowed there tenfold because we're not dealing with constant eczema. We're not dealing with constant fears of a flare. They are healthier. We can dedicate our minds to other things and other pursuits. And that's incredible. But we do need to get back to the basics because back to the basics work. And that's what we're doing in the McHugh household because I want to build resilient kits. And resiliency is a compilation of a million little decisions that happen every single day and every single month and every single year.

So these are our basics that we are re-prioritizing. One is sleep. Sleep is non-negotiable. And we know that whole properly prepared food stabilizes everything. And we're doing less added sugar, more outdoor time, more nervous system regulation, home remedies before pharmaceuticals, more an adherence to planning and that fundamental need explicitly because planning is sincerely love and action and when I don't plan everything feels reactive but with just one focused hour a week and knowing that hour is coming and it's in the calendar and if it's acknowledged by a spouse like my goodness guys this is just like the greatest gift that you can possibly give yourself and your family because then you have a time that's during the week during business hours that you can handle the calls and the forms and the life admin that you know weighs on you and takes up your brain space and if you just have that reassurance knowing that that hour is coming and it will be there at this specific time during the week.

Just one small thing, like I used to look at this as a luxury, but oh my gosh, does that ease my mind? And because it's not about doing the things, it's about just when will I do these things? And so if you can just knock that part out, it changes a lot. It changes more than you think. The emotional tone. of your entire home, honestly, because chaos isn't neutral. And I talk to you guys all the time. I talk to you guys every week on alignment calls, in our coaching calls. And I know I get a lot of, well, your kids probably eat this or do that.

And no, no, I just want to, I just want to let you know, like my kids, they push back. and they want sugar and they complain about dinner every single night and they see what the other kids are eating and and they want it and they eat it

Leadership, Capacity, and Intentional Parenting 13:26

too and you know the grandparents give them candy and the dance gives them candy and It's not about perfect kids or a perfect environment by any means, because that's not attainable. But it is about consistent leadership and holding that line. And I mean, really when it comes down to it, leadership does not disappear when it's inconvenient, because it's inconvenient all the time. And we are going for capacity, not restriction. Our goal is not restriction by any means. We need immune capacity. We need emotional capacity.

We need resilience. So that we can. So that we can. team travel and stay up late when it matters when you're really going to to real celebrations that you're experiencing fully and is nourishing your your soul because you're with friends and we know whatever comes with that the drinks and the late nights and all the things that's fine because it's actually nourishing your skull but the You know, the every Saturday birthday, two hour at a place type of thing, that isn't like nourishing your soul.

Like those kinds of concessions aren't really worth it. And I just don't want to waste capacity on dyed grocery store cupcakes that somebody just bought out of convenience. And I'm not going to lower our standard over polyester and processed snacks anymore. Our higher standards now, are so incredibly important for more freedom later. My life is much easier now because of the work that I put in before. And my oldest is 11. She's going to be 13. And I am under no misconception that it's going to get easier.

like we have to hold that line so that it is easier down the way and you know I tell you guys all the time it doesn't leading your family in this way that is against the grain that is a little counterculture It doesn't require a complete 180. Just even a one degree shift on an airplane changes the destination entirely. And that's the good news. The misalignments create big outcomes, but the tiny corrections do too, thankfully. that you can change eczema. I mean, that is the number one reason that I do this is so that you know in your heart and your soul and your mind that you absolutely can change what you are experiencing right now.

And you can change the food and you can change the bedtime and you can change your tone and you can change your home's atmosphere and the entire experience of being alive. That's all within your control. And even if it's just sugar creeping in or just a tone issue or just one routine that isn't really working for you or your family anymore, you can change it. It's all within your control. You're the CEO of the home. You're the CEO of the family. You can change it, even if it's not a popular idea.

Even if you don't know anyone else who's doing it, you can change it. So the point is, parenting is relentless. But so is decay. And you are either shaping your environment intentionally or it's shaping your kids unintentionally.

Redesigning the System for Calm Skin 16:58

And if you are tired of reacting and if you're tired of the flare cycles and your kids being sick and the sugar crashes and the behavior, we're raising the standard. We're redesigning the system. And inside the eczema elimination method, we don't manage chaos. That's not how we're going to live anymore. We're going to rebuild capacity, and we're stabilizing the immune system, and we're stabilizing the nervous system, and we're redesigning your environment, and we're creating a home where calm skin is sustainable, not at all accidental.

And it's not extreme. It's intentional. And it's 100% required because you're likely not enjoying what's happening at home right now. And if you're ready to build a home that supports calm skin and resilient kids, you can apply or book an alignment call at xmakids.com. I would love to hear from you. And if this resonated, send it to another parent who's ready to leave their home on purpose. And if you are willing to take a minute to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, I will send you a 30% off coupon for anything to use inside the eXma shop, including the Skin Comfort Trio, which if you're just looking for immediate relief right now, that's a really good place to start.

Thank you for being here, friends. I appreciate your time. I appreciate your dedication to raising the bar and raising the standards. And we're raising some exceptional kids. And even when we fail, you know, it's like that shoot for the moon. And even if you miss, you'll get the stars. I can't remember them. But it's that, right? Like, let's just have really, really high standards, really, really high bars. And even when we miss them, because we're not perfect, we'll be better off. And our futures will be easier with the discipline and determination and the adherence to what our family really needs from us in this season now.

So take care, friends. And I will talk to you next week.

Closing Call to Action 18:58

Thank you for helping with my eczema. Love you. Thank you for listening today, friend. I know healing your child's skin isn't easy, but you're doing it one smart step at a time. If this episode gave you a little hope or a better night's sleep, leave a quick review so more exhausted parents can find eczema kids and finally rest easy too. Follow, share, and let's help more kids heal. Take care.