Living A Big, Bold, Beautiful Life As An Introvert

Introduction to the summit and Brenda Knowles 0:00

Welcome to the bio optimized summit where we are exploring the next level of physical and mental health you can achieve through targeted and intentional optimization. I'm your host dr AMY and today I'm very happy to bring to you Brenda Knowles and she is the author of the Quiet Rise of introverts, eight practices for living and loving in a noisy world. I have known Brenda for a few years now and she has been an amazing coach for many introverts because they have such a unique nervous system and biology and we need to learn how to support that. She has been published in wellness dot com doctor laura dot com and medium and she is the creator of Brenda Knowles dot com, the website where sensitive people learn to build emotional and relationship resilience stuff that we will be talking about today, Brenda has written over 500 posts on introversion relationships, anxiety and parenting and she is trained in family mediation and served as casa, which is the court appointed special advocate for Children in the foster care protective services.

She is a personal relationship coach and again, specializing in the unique issues of highly sensitive and introverted individuals Brenda thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate you taking the time to join us and share your expertise and knowledge with us. My pleasure. Thank you for asking me. Yes, so I absolutely love your book and would love yes, yes and would love to hear and have you share some of the background of why did you even write a book on introverts, Wow. Um so about 10 years ago I was at home with three small kids and I was I was only working from the home and feeling just um overwhelmed, like I kind of had lost my identity, things that had slipped, I was very engulfed in the raising Children, being a wife, maintaining a home kind of thing, um and I started writing and I started writing about my experience and how I didn't have any space, I didn't have any time for myself, and I was starting to feel very just on edge and starting to have a lot of, like, repetitive thoughts and sort of anxiety

Why Brenda wrote about introverts 2:37

attacks, I guess, you know, looking back, I you know, realized more sort of what I was experiencing, but anyway, I started writing and more and more people connected with what I was saying and were commenting and agreeing with me and saying they had similar experiences and I just kept writing and exploring um temperaments and introversion, extroversion, attachment theory, kind of, all the things that shape us psychologically spiritually relationship wise, and through my website, a publisher found me and asked if I would be interested in writing a book, and I'd always wanted to in fact, I had sort of, a memoir esque book sitting on my hard drive that um was kind of going nowhere was, you know, piece by piece coming together, but the publisher gave me just the right push and impetus to be like, get organized, you know, have a timeline and and get it done and and it just was exactly what I needed. And it's, you know, it's about this spectrum and it's got a lot of my personal stories and in the book, but also a lot of evidence based research about introverts and highly sensitive people and what they need to have strong relationships to have um uh you know, resilient temperament and kind of be out in the world and have agency and power and feel good about themselves.

So it starts from when we're kind of dependent and relying on that extrovert ideal as our model. But then it moves through the book to where we are interdependent and in relationships and healthy loving relationships, honoring our own nature, but also being um loving and being cared for, you know, in a healthy relationship, it's been my own, really my own personal discovery that drove me, you know, through most of this and and then the book and all the rest. Yes. And as you say, for people who have a more sensitive nature and introverts, they need that space and this comes up in many different ways for me, it comes a lot um with the somatic work and even when people are starting to feel overwhelmed whether or not they are a sensitive person or an introvert, when anyone is feeling that overwhelmed, that's what I have them do.

It's like, no, you're gonna push things away, like physically actually go through that movement. The physical movement of you know pushing imaginary things away to create that space for yourself and it's so so much more important for someone with a sensitive nature to maintain that space. Can you speak a little bit more about the, that need for that space and how would a person know if they don't have enough space for what their system needs to feel safe? Oh yeah. Um yeah, as you said, I think that's a matter, that actual feeling of pushing away or physically moving away from people from stimulation is really important. Our nervous systems like you said are highly sensitive to stimulation and people are simulating conflict is stimulating um a loud noises, bright lights a lot of that are constant email and flood of information coming at us now with our busy, busy, technologically advanced world it's a lot. So that space can start to feel like we don't have any and it there's just so much coming at us.

I personally will feel just on edge or anxious and like my stomach will tighten or my chest will feel tight. Um I'll have trouble sleeping. These are all pretty common reactions for introverts, highly sensitive people and not, you know, people who are just you know, not particular introverts or wouldn't label themselves that but um it's yeah, it is like a feeling that you feel like you have to do something and solitude kind of provide that relief or the company of someone that we feel really safe and close with where we can let down our guard not feel responsible for their feelings, where there is a pause like in our schedule like I have learned, I need to have buffer space in my schedule between activities between events between anything phone call, you know like I need to have just a little bit of, I think of it more is almost like reflection time, do something, process it. I think introverts and highly sensitive people are nervous systems need that time to really basically reconcile what we've just experienced or or felt and then

Needing space and recognizing overwhelm 8:06

we can go to the next thing, you know and even introverts, one thing that I've heard a lot from my clients and I've experienced myself is that Deer in the headlights thing for spontaneous reaction or um speaking it's kind of like our brains and our bodies are so hectic on the inside are busy on the inside that we have to really pause to just you know, entangle what's going on and come up with a a phrase or something that we find important, We want to speak meaningful. E we don't want to just do small ways we wanted to make sense, you know make sense and be valued too.

There is social anxiety which is different from introversion and um shyness and social anxiety I would say are more aligned more linked and they sort of have to do more with a fear of evaluation or judgment or even humiliation from speaking and that especially would require, you know, some kind of pause, some kind of calming the nervous system and and it's often and you would know amy a little more but just maybe a past wounding or things that would make someone more nervous about expressing themselves for fear of being judged poorly or whatever.

Um introversion is a lot about sort of controlling that level of stimulation and comfort and then you know, moving forward, speaking or taking action or whatever we're involved with, but I actually didn't know that you incorporated these pauses for your clients and I love that you do and it's the exact same thing that I do when I'm working with someone who has trauma and they're trying to resolve that trauma and change that wiring in their nervous system to either go into panic or go into overwhelming, just shut down. That's the exact same thing that I do for them.

And so I love that you've been doing that as well and it's just taking this time to pause and I find that this is necessary to prevent the accumulation of more stress and more, you know burden on our nervous system for all the stress that we're carrying in our life where when we can pause after something and let it almost integrate process, let our give our system that time to feel like it's complete that it makes sense. And now I'm ready to move on to the next thing, feeling like I'm like I'm organized, like I'm actually ready to meet the next thing and that has been really helpful for them for anybody recovering or trying to rewire any trauma or anxiety patterns in their life. Absolutely. And then having someone who is willing to let them pause and take that break. Um without rushing them or without pushing is also a gift to someone who was feeling maybe overwhelmed or overstimulated or traumatized. What that yeah, having that safe person who's like, yeah, take that time.

I'm listening. No hurry. That is um, I found really valuable and you talk about it being a noisy world and it is a noisy world right now and I would say now more than ever and there's, there's constant notifications. There's constantly things flying at us and yet one of the key principles of trauma and the nervous system is that when it is hit with something that's been a shock to the system in our noisy world in our society, it's become normal to just keep going, Just keep moving and you'll eventually get over it, you know, whatever that is supposed to mean. Um, but we're not given that space for our systems to process what happened and let that shock actually process through. And so that's when it gets stored in our nervous system and then for someone like like you who, you know, you were in this role, you were in this life for several years before you started feeling the accumulation everything and being like this like something's really wrong.

I really need space, I really need this and you're starting to identify all that. One of the ways that we prevent the accumulation or even the long term effects of trauma is say after a near accident on the highway, you actually pull over and give yourself, give your body, give your nervous system that time and space to process that shock and what people will experiences if they actually take the time to do that, they will experience trembling, they will shake a bit, They'll feel this vibration in their nervous system as it releases all that energy from the shock. And then that's when they can move on with their day and know that it's not affecting their nervous system anymore.

But in our noisy, busy world, we don't do those kinds of things anymore. And we're surrounded by people like you say, who don't understand that and and they want to rush us and especially for people who have more sensitive nervous systems, it may not take a near accident on the highway for them to feel that shock, right? They're going to experience that level of stress and shock and overwhelm at a much lower threshold than other people. And so intentionally creating space in their life, intentionally creating the relationships in their life who understand that they need that time can be so supportive and create the world in which they can really thrive and do well as an introvert and a highly sensitive person. Absolutely. And one thing that I've been preaching but saying for the last few years, which kind of goes in the face of what we think of when we talk about introverts, but is that introverts need connection?

Like that is a number one thing I believe to soothe that nervous system. Now, solitude and space definitely is number two because that is a way of honoring our temperament and you know, keeping our nervous system calm, you know, so it doesn't get too out of regulation, but other people in our lives be a therapist, a partner, a friend, co worker, whatever if they are supportive and you're feeling like you're heard and your scene and you're respected for who you are having this more sensitive introverted temperament which especially in the United States, is not the revered temperament. You know, it's the oh I don't want to be the nerdy quiet introvert, you know, I want to be the gregarious, outgoing fun extrovert, extrovert social old, you know louder, always heard kind of thing.

But I've also found that when you are in the right company and you are in your purpose, your passion, your something that really hits home with you, we are more extroverted, we are more animated, We are more alive and interesting and people do want to engage with us and we want to engage right back. So it's there's a lot like my original website was called Space to Live and at the time when I was home with my kids, that was all I wanted was space and some time for myself sometimes to basically develop my own identity.

And then as I've grown up I've realized more and more about what relationships can be, including those with my Children and those with my partner, my husband. And it's it's just evolved and I realize how important that is because they do allow me to be me, my Children are still working on that, I'm still working on that,

Connection, regulation, and supportive relationships 17:00

but but you know as they get older and mature to there's a more adult interaction, more adult connection and then my husband is just um a very open loving man and so I feel safe with him, I feel like I can be myself. Um Yeah and there's so much energy in that and I feel like a lot of what introverts and sensitive people are constantly battling is a lack of energy for being drained. Um We get drained and overwhelmed when we play roles that are not befitting of us like the extrovert, you know the for me, the stay at home mom who did everything, you know every involvement with the school possible, every pushing kids to do this, this, this that was not what it just didn't fit and that also just takes away that energy. So the role is not energizing, it's not yourself. So when you're playing those roles, it's hard to connect with anyone as well. So you know, don't have the energy to connect after all of that energy.

And when you're not really fully authentic then you can't really connect with anyone, they won't know you fully and then you lack those you know, life giving relationships and I've been able to see that evolution and growth in your work over the last few years which has been beautiful because when I first met you, yes, it was all about the space, right? Like give me my space and then and then the more we worked on the attachment and the connection and the authenticity then then it was moving into this. No, like it's not just space, it's connection, it's true connection. It's deep connection and its connection with people who are a calming effect on my nervous system rather than an irritating confrontational sensory overload influence on my nervous system.

Right? Some people I, I know with myself if I feel like the expectation is oh you need to go, go, go go I expect this this, this you know, that puts me in the more of the fight or flight response where my heart's going fast, my chest is tight and like you know and then I am tired and I'm not you know, I don't get to be myself, but if someone is more accepting? Um I say that we're kinda hesitantly because I like the word accepting, but I also think we need someone who kind of challenges us to, who doesn't just, you know, let us settle and write, you know, easy route or whatever. But but anyway, just someone who I feel safe with, I guess that's, you know, the bottom line and it's and it's almost like they can hold that space for you, right?

And so it's not it's not a space that you're creating by yourself. You're not isolated in this space that you've created for yourself. Like you're actually in this space and someone else is in that space, holding that space with you, right? It's like it feels like support, you know, like there's you're not alone, you know, you're still it's one thing through my writing, you know, it started out, I want to be in solitude and then some people interpret that as you want to be alone and it's like, yes and no, I don't think anyone really wants to be alone. You know, forever. You know, we want to feel seen and known and have those connections but sometimes like for myself the solitude of the time to process those feelings. Those emotions, those relationships is vital for enhancing that relationship because then I can really consider okay, is this appropriate? Is this a good man?

You know, is this making me feel better or worse? You know, it's, it's a plus in my life or is this holding me back or how do I feel energy wise after being with someone and with our families a lot of times there's no choice, you know, especially our Children or our parents, there's um work with them, this is what you have, how can you work? But everyone is evolving, you know, kids parents, everybody, so it's kind of an ever changing game. But I think fascinating and that's kind of what I love working with those relationship dynamics as everyone can learn, grow, get new insight um own their own, you know issues, responsibilities and that kind of thing, but then appreciate other people's struggles, contributions, whatever. It's good and we're really talking about regulating or regulating our nervous system and when we are feeling dis regulated, right? Like that's where we're in, in the craziness, maybe the hamster on its wheel in our head and you know, thoughts are racing and we don't feel like we are fully present and grounded and calm and our best selves. And there have been a few people in my life who come through my life who I, I so appreciate the support that they provide for my nervous system and it's just something about them, right?

Like it's just, it's, it's their own nervous system and the level of regulation that they have and how that that fits so well with my nervous system and there they have been key to be able to go to them at certain times and be like, hey, I need to borrow your nervous system for a bit. Right. Right. Right, right. And whether we actually talk or not, that's not important. The physical presence can really help, especially the touch can help regulate that nervous system faster. But even that is not necessary sometimes just over the phone, just their presence and it's silent, right? But I'm just, I'm, it's almost like I'm borrowing their nervous system and their regulation to help regulate my own as an introvert that needs that space but needs that connection with someone in that space. Right. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah.

Like how important that can be and how much difference just I've had phone calls, I'll just call my dad and talk to him and he's, you know out of state and it is just a phone call, you don't know, I can't see him or anything and I get off the phone and I just feel so much better. I mean he will talk and it's back and forth. But there's he has a, he's more of an extrovert I would say. But he just has something, there's an energy about him that really helps, you know, So it can go the other way we can be with people whose make it worse or you know, make our nervous system more strung out or more tired, you know, too. So it's, I don't know, I think it's interesting to be really conscious of how different people affect you, but it also can change too because like I was saying like with my own kids,

Learning limits through stress and body signals 25:00

you know, I've went through phases with them, they're all young adults pretty much now, but you know where they really, it was hard to be, you know, together all the time, but now it's different, you know, we've different phases and everybody's maturing and being more considerate now we're all home again together with the virus and it's interesting because, you know, people are saying, oh this covid 19 is perfect for introverts because they could be home and they don't have to go out and but I found myself home with my entire family again, even the kids that have left the house, they're back and surprisingly it went pretty well, but it's um just yeah and I'm attributing that I think to all this matured some and luckily we have a good amount of space in the house so we can take different corners and kind of do our thing, but and a lot of the family are they are introverts, so kind of get it, you know, and I would also think that you're short changing yourself a little bit because you've done a lot of work, you've done a lot of work on your system and what I'd like you to share next is how you became more conscious of where your limits were when you needed that space. When you know, how did you develop that conscious awareness of where your nervous system was at and what it needed and how, how to find things that were supportive. How did you know if it was supportive to your system or not? Um and a lot of this goes, you know into the somatic and the actual sensations that you became really aware of whether the chest tightness, the stomach. So yeah, talk to us about that and how you developed that awareness. Uh I will say kind of the hard way.

Um you know, getting to the point where it was really bad or there are lots of tears, lots of sleepless nights. Um you know some conflict and arguing with my former husband with my kids um needing that space is not having it and do the really drained, you know, you're on my point. Um I didn't have any family in the area for pretty much most of my kids. Like there was no or parents help, you know, with the kids and anyway, we got to the point where I was like I have to do something, I have to be a good mom, I have to be a good wife.

Um this isn't working. So I started reading voraciously everything I get my hands on. I did start learning about breathing practices. I did seek therapy and have someone, you know like you to talk to and um and it started to help I started exercising way more seriously than I had always exercise and I knew that that did help my mental health, you know, that definitely cleared my mind, gave me a sense of accomplishment, a sense of peace. Um so I would say just kind of trial and error and realizing when I got to a certain point, I have to do something, this is not good enough, I'm not happy. My kids are starting to be affected, I need to I need to figure out how to regulate myself better.

Um and like I said, I didn't have a lot of family support, so I couldn't really turn to my parents. I mean, they were both out of state. I did turn to them, but my mother passed away and there wasn't that physical support. And then my marriage, my first marriage struggled. I just, I kind of hit a wall and and I had to really look internally, I started finding books on introversion and it really, you know, the light bulb went off like, oh yeah, that's me and the high sensitivity. Um Then I started, you know, reading and figuring out what they did to regulate themselves to calm the nervous system, to kind of build up a sense of resilience. So I could get through my day and could be a good parent and a good partner and kind of figure out what I wanted to do with my life that would make me energized to get me up in the morning and help me through the day. So I didn't um you know, I did start asking for space and start um it was not well received, so I I will say that's that's a struggle, like a lot of introverts do have to deal with because their partners or kids will take it personally.

You're saying you don't want to be with me and it's like, no, that's not. I'm saying I need my own salvation time. It's not you, it's not, there's nothing wrong with you. It's just to regulate myself or to feel more whole and more calm. I need to, you know, be on my own and work through some things, but well, and even the confrontation that results from that is very, very hard for an introvert and a highly sensitive person to to manage is very stimulating for the nervous system. Absolutely, and yeah, and so that is, I mean it was, yeah, it was a hard process but it also needed to be done, you know, I I needed it, but in the long run, I think my family benefited too because now I feel like my kids are more aware of their own needs and who they are and um that gives them a strength and resilience that they can keep, you know, for themselves and and keep going. Exactly, but it's hard to think super long term that when you're in it and you're right in the middle of it.

Yeah, when you're right in the middle of it, your nervous system has gone into the survival mode and at that point you're not thinking long term much at all. It's it's what do I need to do now because this is not working. And I remember, yeah, I remember us working a lot with your stomach and I remember there being quite a distinct not that would appear in your stomach. Is this something that you think that a lot of introverts and highly sensitive people have, that they have, you know, uh pain, they have a knot in their stomach.

Yes, I've seen all kinds of manifestations of that overwhelm or that anxiety or that stress from not getting your downtime or not being respected for your temperament. Um not feeling good about yourself. Feeling inferior because you can't handle everything and go, go go all the time. And I feel, I've seen it in people who have headaches, People who have the tightness in the chest. People who have the knot in the stomach, that the fatigue, lots of muscle fatigue, lots of just, I need to go to sleep all the time. It's another way of handling that overload of stimulation is to kind of freeze, you know, that shut down.

Um and all of those are body just saying this is too much. You know, you are not, this is not the right setting for you or in the right environment and you have to find your way to relieving those things and you know, I worked with you, I figured out the breathing and like I said, exercise helps me. The sleeping was the whole thing, you know, the lack of sleep for me, my, my mind would click on it like four in the morning and just go, go, go, go, go and the cortisol is shooting through my body and and I know that now and I've worked in many ways to keep that at bay as much as possible and you know, it's a signal, it's telling me something and I want to listen.

But I also, no, I need sleep like sleep number one, if that will help me the best if I can get a good night's sleep, everything is easier the rest of the day. So lots of healthy diet food equals mood. I've lived with that for like 10 years and I firmly believe it. I really work on keeping my you know diet fairly clean, drinking lots of water, doing the physical movement and like you're saying this magnetic stuff, I've recently started like as somebody said, you need to move in all different planes of your body and that really helps also sort of move around the chemicals and things in your body and I think it does help.

I put music on in the morning and I'll you know dance or do things that are just moving my body in different ways other than want to exercise and helpful. Um just, I don't know, but like I said, a lot of the camaraderie talking with other people with similar um lifestyle, similar issues going on. That is a relief as well just to normalize what's going on and now, okay, this is not just me. I've got other people are experiencing something similar and yeah, so, so many vital. Mhm. And it's true that as highly sensitive people, we can use the sensations in our body as messages to help guide us and knowing what is too much when it is too much. And and so we need to do something.

So, can you speak a little bit more to that and how you or people that you've worked with.

Emotions, authenticity, and thriving as a sensitive person 36:00

Like you you use these sensations as messages that your nervous system is trying to tell you this is too much. What are some of those sensations and messages and how do you use that in your decision making? I get this sort of feeling in my chest. It's almost like an emptiness or a hollowness. And I think for me that's a signal that I'm sad and I think that was really hard for me to admit for a long time to or even to realize that it was sadness or loneliness essentially. Um and now I listen and I know emotions are a signal and I used to really tamp down my emotions because I grew up with a sister who was very uh aggressive, She would prey on any emotions that I showed.

I was the wimpy sensitive one and it was easy for her to steamroll me. You know, just um, so if I showed any weakness, which I thought emotions were, then she was all over me and I love, my sister were very close now. But you know, that was part of, you know, my childhood and pretty deeply ingrained in my system. And then I married my first husband who was also very assertive and again, very serious, very convicted. You know, when he spoke, very convicted emotions were kind of frivolous silly week.

Um, so I just didn't listen to them or if I did, I, I wanted to shut them down more than really listen and find the message. But now I know that's different. So I yeah, that that hollowness in the chest, the headache, sleeplessness, those all those things are signals to me that something's not right. I'm not honoring my needs. Um, my sensitive needs for my nervous system and that kind of thing. So I have to listen and say to myself, what, what's going on? What's not, not correct right now for me, what's not right?

And how can I move through it? Sometimes it's just crying, you know, or just letting those feelings actually pass and and feeling that maybe it's grief. My mother passed away five years ago that I had to go through some, you know, real grief and I didn't no, I could do that. You know, I had a soldier on, I was busy with the kids and lots going on, didn't have a lot of time to just grieve. Um so it's been a lot of obviously lifelong lessons, but but really taking that time, which space again allows or if someone safe is in your life, they can reflect that to you, okay, I can tell you're you're feeling down right now, or I can tell you're anxious, what's going on. It just all those things give you that knowledge that allows you to make some decisions and take some action, you know, and that is I think I just sort of kept going through the motions for a lot of years and then it did build up and I had these, you know, and then when I did express emotions, it was too much, you know, just blow up kind of thing and that was not healthy or conducive to good relationships either. So it's I think that's the pattern of most highly sensitive people though, is because it's almost like they're afraid of showing the emotion because it feels like it's going to be so intense and so they just try to shut it down numb. It distract themselves, stifle it over work over exercise. Overeat over anything in order to manage the yeah, the emotions and and when it does come out, you know, when, when, what we would call a trigger happens and it comes out and they can't stop it.

Yeah, it's this big overreaction because it's been built up and pinned up and they haven't been listening to those messages. And so it's a process and I don't know how that process was for you, it was a long process for me to change that way of even listening to my body because I was always in my head like that emotions similar to you growing up, emotions were not safe. They were, they were weak and made me vulnerable. People would take advantage of my weakness when I would show emotions. So I learned very early on, you know, no, no emotions just, you gotta be tough, you gotta pretend that things don't bother you. Um and and that accumulated for me, Yeah, and resulted in my health having a crash and a burn out and I had to learn how to do things differently. And it's such a different way of living now to actually be in my body and when different sensations come up actually lean into it and explored and get curious about it. And what is this telling me?

How is this trying to help me rather than trying to just make it go away right, cover it up or stifle it or, and I would say there was a lot of shame sort of when I did haven't outburst or you know, and finally something did come out. Either I yelled or I cried, you know a lot and then I would feel ashamed and I would say, I guess mostly being weak, you know, that was probably the biggest shame or just not, yeah, not being able to carry, you know, go forward and be strong and um so and then shame, you know, is one of the heavy worst like feelings, so I don't want to feel that again. So again, you just closed down things and but then, you know, it's just much healthier too day by day listen and really try to catch things before they get to, you know overwhelming and it's not easy, but it it's so important and it's okay, you know, it's okay to express those needs and emotions and and even just labeling the emotions is a good step. You know, just, oh this is sadness or loneliness. Like I said, it took me a long time to figure out what that feeling in my chest was.

I thought, I don't know, I guess I thought it was more anxiety which is you know, sort of an overlapping label for a lot of things, but it it really was more sadness and loneliness didn't feel connected to someone, you know anyone and what I've loved seeing happen in your life is that you living this way now and being more in your body and actually creating these pauses, creating the time and space to get these messages from your body, let it guide you in terms of what is too much and who is not safe right now and who is safe right now. It's allowed it's opened up more energy for you more freedom in terms of feeling safe to go out and explore and do things and open you up for more relationships that are truly connecting and where you really are your authentic self, right? Yeah, it is definitely.

I like I said when I first started writing and did my website, it was all about I just need my space, I need solitude, I just need time to myself. But as I began to process things more and let myself express emotions and say my needs and meet people who understood and did connect with me. I do have a lot more energy. I work in a high school that has 4000 people in it, you know? And I thought oh my gosh, this probably is gonna drain me to work there every day. But it doesn't, I actually feel energized from it because it's to me interesting, you know, I'm in academia, love learning and I love being on teachers and I love working with the kids, it's it's a positive. So you just have to let yourself Feel those feelings, listen to them, don't bottle it up, don't be ashamed of your feelings and that sensitivity because it really makes you more empathetic.

It gives you this solid read, you know on other people. I mean, it's not 100%, but you can it's just it's like a little bit of a superpower being able to feel for others and use that to help other people, which in turn feeds you, you know, it just makes and you're not going to be able to access that superpower if you're not in tune with your own body, because that's how you get those messages in terms of what someone else is experiencing, You actually feel it in your own body the same way that they're feeling it.

And so when you're shutting that down, you're not able to access your superpower as an introvert and a highly sensitive person, right? Yeah. So yeah, you just have to allow yourself to be in tune. I will say there have been points where I almost felt like I was maybe too in tune with my body, like feeling my own heartbeat maybe a little too much, you know, and that I think it's kind of a sensitive persons thing too. We are very aware of a lot of the feelings in our body, there are boundaries and there are ways to like, feel, but don't take on, you know so much, it's like, no, this is not me, that's them, they're feeling their emotions, their pain or whatever.

But then yeah, just listening enough to yourself that you can get those messages and use that as a compass kind of you know to direct you using it to buy it or you know taking over but just not taking on other people's stuff. Being so aware that you know what is yours and what is someone else's. I think it helps to know your own values to like what what really is important to you. And then you can tune out some of the extra noise and extra sensations and and things and just kind of work with that. And that's another thing that I've used with clients and myself, you know, figuring out what do I value And like I said, sessions like connection is a huge value. Something like meaningful connection is something that yeah, I want and I work for and I will pay attention so that I could most high quality connections.

Right? And with that connection that support and then between the sleep and the food and the movement like you've done a great job of creating the environment in which you can really thrive as a highly sensitive person and a very busy and noisy world. So where can people find you Brenda Brenda Knowles dot com is the best place. That's where I would start. And that's Noel's K N O W L E S Brendan coles dot com. Yeah, I would start there. That's kind of got all the links and got podcasts that I've done and my book and my coaching and 500 plus posts that I've written over the last 10 years on all these subjects.

So thank you for joining us today, Brenda. Thank you for being willing to share a lot of your personal experience and take the time to share that with us today. Absolutely thank you for asking me. I'm dr AMy, your host for this summit. And thank you for joining us together. Let's find that next level of health and aliveness.